Are doms always tops??? ⬆ (and subs bottoms) ⬇

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jun 27, 2023

Now I don't expect any of you to believe this, since this age old wisdom and comes from a time when one used the 3 sided ideal of the lifestyle...


But.....

Dom/meing is part of the mental, emotion sides of it all. I isn't the flogging or the spanking or the bonage or the hot waxing. It is the mindset one gets into when engaging within the lifestyle. It goes on no matter what side of the bedroom door frame you are on.

Topping/bottoming is simple physical acts with some kinky role play tossed in. Tops and bottoms can flip flop, depending on how one feels. It does not take any real emotional or mental accrueity to be on either side. I have mostly found this usually happens on the inside of the bedroom door frame.

Now, no one really believes in the 3 aspects anymore. Thinking and feeling has gone by the wayside. Everyone wants to be a DaddybottomBratHotentot to a topsideBratthingHooptygirl.

Meanwhile, I'll be smoking in the corner waiting for someone to complain about how gawdawful it is to make naked women drag fat guys around in carts and I have to explain what a ponygirl is

again

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jun 27, 2023

and Goddammt!

Who the hell resurrected a year old thread??? I have to get all pissed off and old fartery over a year old thread?

Shitpiles!

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Jun 27, 2023

And here I was just about to write a long treatise on the fine tradition of the service top, thanks for saving me the time and effort haha.

Heero​(dom male) • Jun 27, 2023

WOW! It's been over a year?!!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 27, 2023

My view, understanding, is this - other's mileage will vary.

Top, topping is the doing but is not necessarily doming or being a dominant. So one can top, but not be a dominant, its mainly about the action, activity in its rawest, basic sense.

Bottoming, being a bottom, is likewise simply about the activity, but not submitting, or submission.

Often the way I have described this in the past is that there is an art, creativity to being a dom, (alpha brutality etc has nothing to do with this, rough sex yes, but the magic of creation, the dance of dominance and submission, no) its about being a kind of artist, and topping, even service topping is like creating art via painting by numbers, it sort of lacks that spark of independent creation that an artist has. In away the same is so for bottoming, as submission can also be very creative as well.

I have found that connection, compatible energy can often create the energy, magic required to spark submission and dominance, but if its lacking, then its just the action, more like skill practice, and that can happen to dominants, and submissives, so its more just topping and bottoming, with a lack of that special magic, which grows deeper the more of a connection there is.

So in away I agree with TopekaDom, except in his views re what current folks are up to, which I think is a tad dismissive of what is perfectly valid fun having.

So 'Are doms always tops??? (and subs bottoms)' re the action in its basic form yes, but there is much more to it and tops and bottoms are their own thing, often separate to being dominant and submissive, but depending on circumstances and in a casual play situation, one of play lacking depth or connection a dominant could just top, and a submissive could just bottom. Is the same possible re tops and bottoms, can they move into being a dom, a sub? I guess as a process, result of either connection, compatible inspirational energy, maybe for the first time, or as a result of evolution, I would have to say yes, its possible. Though its also possible to be what you are and not change or evolve, some can end up in the middle, as switches. All are valid.

Its a complicated thing, with so much that is individual to those doing it, all sorts of different dances and magic out there, being created between all sorts of people, all lovely and valid. In saying that I am presuming informed enthusiastic consent as the basis for what is being done, anything outside of that is horrible and abusive.

I'mME • Jun 28, 2023

I have said this at least 4 times maybe 5.

Topping and bottoming is what people do when they are not in a D/s dynamic. In my head, its clear what i have not written. I apologize. That is for forgetting that English is not a first language for everyone. Also because i forget newer people are around. Also for forgetting that nor everyone has the same reading and comprehension levels.


When people engage in kinky sexual/nonsexual activities that include kink and ARE NOT IN a
D/S, O/p, M/s
relationships, I would consider that Topping and Bottoming.

Whew, ,,

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jun 28, 2023

I'm not dismissive of it at all. If that is what they want to do, then by all means do it.

But don't tell me it is real D/s. They are just being kinky and don't want to admit it, from my old farty point of view.

I'mME • Jun 28, 2023

Topika,
Old and farty....

Are those always mutually connected?

I'mME • Jun 28, 2023

I spelled Topeka wrong. Damnnnnn.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 28, 2023

So I am going to ask, what for you, ‘is real D/s?’