DDLG to help heal trauma

DeepEmbrace​(dom female) • Aug 11, 2022

BDSM/kink is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a substitute for getting professional/medical help like going to therapy, taking medications, etc. Anyone who suggests that it is dangerous, ignorant, spreading misinformation, and quite possibly some kind of predator.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Aug 11, 2022

Are you asking if someone has to be in Little Space/ Middle Space/ Brat mode/etc in order to gain the benefits of therapy? No.

My therapist never "met" my little or middle. It is enough for me to be able to explain them just as a parent explains and talks about their children.

Did I talk about them in the third person? Yup. They are aspects of my personality. The sad parts, the lost innocence parts, the angry parts, the sexual parts. The fact that my therapist was kink aware made the process easier since I didn't have to face her preconceived judgements. While I had to explain a FEW things such as terms, she was aware that kink is NOT a mental/sexual health disorder and she was open to learning my perceptions.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2022

I'm going to go out on a limb and offer a different perspective. I was abused as a kid and went through twenty-five years of recovery. I have DID which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. I have many "littles" which are child alters dissociated from my abuse. I also tried the "regression as therapy" to both get in touch with my childhood needs, lost innocence, and to offer these parts of myself a voice and a safe place to communicate their memories about what happened to them.

My experience is that this regression does NOT improve mental health. If anything, it reinforces the childlike mental state, dependence, fear, and hurt these personalities/parts of myself feel. It strengthens them and makes it more difficult for me to function as an adult.

The one thing that really helped me was actually being the adult and standing up to live my life as one. Yes, these parts of myself needed a safe place to speak their truth, but not to the point of making them a regular part of my life. Once I heard their memories and understood their needs, it was much more helpful to me to put them aside (maybe putting them in a box is too strong a term) and then let the adult parts of me get out there and live my actual life. It doesn't help to let these parts of ourselves take over or to give them too large a share of the decision-making power. That isn't their function.

Anyway, that's my experience. I didn't do this in the context of a kink relationship so I can't speak to that, but I would encourage you to limit just how much of a slice of the pie these "littles" are going to have. If it helps you to give them a safe space, then great, but in the end, you have to be the adult and only an adult can really live your life. I would also go so far as to say that only an adult can have a functioning relationship with another adult. Your daddy might like having a little, but he's also going to want to have an adult to have sex with, make decisions with, and to share being an adult with. That's just my view on it. I don't allow my "little" alters to participate in relationships in any way for these reasons. It's very important to me that I have a functioning adult relationship and that my partner is relating to one person, not several. That is the best way that I can continue to function without falling apart and fracturing into several competing personalities. I hope that helps.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Aug 12, 2022

Thank you for your input! While I do not have DID, sometimes it does feel that way.

You're blessed to be able to have connected with the memories. For myself, I have 10 years worth of memories missing that I wish I had. My little refuses to cough them up. Lol!

Yes, adults with adults and in the end, it's the adults that take the consequences of ALL actions. The world does not see our internal struggles.

My little helps me in ways that I'm only beginning to understand. She doesn't know how to play and so that innocent part of.myself is missing and I'm having to relearn how to "let go" and relax. She DOES seem to help me connect with my son and gain a greater perspective on HIS world. She allows.me to use her voice to joke around with him (he doesn't know it's my little. He just thinks is my funny, kid voice). I'll keep it that way....lol!

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Aug 12, 2022

I would strongly encourage you to avoid trying to make your little cough up memories. Honestly, sometimes it can be a blessing not to remember. If you just focus on making her feel safe, even if that means not coming out, you can get to a productive, healthy state much faster.

I recommend treating the little the way you would treat a real child. If you knew a real child had been abused, you wouldn't hammer on them endlessly to tell you what happened. You would just focus on making them comfortable and giving them as many normal experiences as possible in whatever way they feel works for them. This is what I've learned.

Having DID is like walking into a gymnasium full of people. You just deal with each person as you find them. You find the person who knows how to drive. You find the person who knows how to do the job to earn a living. You find the person who knows how to use the stove to cook the meals. These things are much higher priority that dredging up memories. If some child is sitting in the corner rocking and banging their head against the wall, you just want to make sure they don't hurt themselves, that they have a blanket around them, and let them come out of their shell at their own pace. Sometimes the best thing they need is just for everyone else in the gymnasium to be getting along and for all the basic necessities of life to be met. Sometimes that's the best you can do and that's just fine. Let me know if you want to talk more.

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Aug 13, 2022

This!!!

BANG ON!!!!!!