Rewards for submissive

Bunnie • Jun 4, 2022

And to answer your question (if I can- not sure I can think of five off the top of my head):

Topping the list easily, is a well earned “good girl.”
Not used too much, however, given as an acknowledgement at times of indeed being His “good girl,” definitely hits deep as a reward.

Being given a treat in the sense of perhaps picking dinner that night or a game we play or movie or whatever the option might be… I get to choose something.

Within my current dynamic we are a bit more focused towards a type of M/s, so another reward for me is to be allowed on the furniture or in His bed.

Thankfully, being the way I am, I have no restrictions on if or how much I am allowed to touch Him, however, cuddles are definitely used as a reward. Not always… sometimes we cuddle just because, however, I definitely get more cuddles if I’m being good.

If I think of any more I’ll share them
Good luck to you both!

Zelia • Jun 4, 2022

I find it curious that you overlooked all of the ‘I’ and ‘we’ in my reply. I never spoke for anyone else, I spoke about how my relationship works and our view of rewards.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 4, 2022

Alice,

You are correct. I missed them completely. I was reading from a completely different mindset and read it as if you were speaking for all submissives.

I'm sorry.

Curiousmind​(sub female){Owned} • Jun 4, 2022

Oh i loved reading JustAlice’s comment! I think the same…The idea of rewards has always been foreign to me. Also i feel similar in relation to punishments as disappointment of my Master is the “punishment “ on its own for me.
Everyone is different and whatever makes a dynamic as mutually fulfilling, enriching and satisfying journey!

Zelia • Jun 4, 2022

No worries, thank you for clarifying

Zelia • Jun 4, 2022

Agree, we are all so different, our needs and wants vary hugely.

I think the key as others have said is knowing your submissive and working out what you want in your dynamic. If there are rewards, being clear about when and how they will be awarded is probably as important as arranging punishments. Consistency will be as important as the rewards for many.

Lots of good ideas already posted.

Re: Rewards for submissive

moll​(other female){owned slav} • Jun 4, 2022

For me, a reward for good behavior is praise. I feel a sense of self satisfaction when I've completed a task for my Master, even everyday things like taking care of the house, but hearing him say "I'm proud of you" is the best reward.

Bunnie • Jun 5, 2022

@ Meech,

Another huge one I hadn’t thought of and can’t believe I missed!

Having a stupid brain, being organised and doing things “right” is really difficult for me.
So, as weird as this may sound… being given an opportunity, on occasion, to be responsible for something important, especially if it is something super important to Him that I know will make His life easier or just because He enjoys me doing it, is such a reward for me.
Being made to feel like He believes I am trustworthy or capable. That is golden.

Normally the above might look like errands and such, however, a recent example of a slightly different approach… shaving His face … as a service driven submissive (slave), being allowed to do things like this for Him, makes my little subby heart sing! Lol. However, this is not a “given”… if I am being cunty, anything like that… being allowed to “care” for Him is removed and He does it himself, which is a huge ouch, so I definitely consider this as part of a reward system.

Re: Rewards for submissive

I'mME • Jun 6, 2022

I was waiting to hear back from you Meech, to see your answer to my question but after doing some more thinking on this subject I am still in support of keeping in my mind that love languages are very important in any kind of partnership.
They should NOT count as rewards. But I also want to just say, you need to get to know your submissive. Through exploring my submissiveness, I will have to say for me rewards and punishments should not be on the table till a few months into a dynamic.
And if online and/or long distance [depending on if the two parties will ever meet up irl, punishments and orgasm denial should not be on the table.

I came to this conclusion after reading and researching online/ldr relationships.
I did not see where you mention any of those details.
Good luck

Re: Rewards for submissive

Heero​(dom male) • Jun 6, 2022

Hi I'mME,

You have an interesting take, but I am not sure I understand it. Please provide some examples as I did. How can a reward for someone be separate from something in the person's love language?

To me it seems like a reward has to be a subset of the things that fall under someone's love language, it's just done in a different way for different reasons. It is largely a matter of context and elaborateness. To illustrate: It's like the difference between a husband and wife eating dinner together every day versus having a celebratory anniversary dinner. In the end, you're still having dinner together. But one is clearly above and beyond and has different emotional impact associated with it. But your stance implies that they are the same, and the wife should not feel any more special on their anniversary than if they were having a TV dinner in their pajamas.

Tell me about a reward you've gotten for which you didn't feel loved/appreciated for receiving it. And if you did not feel those positive emotions, how did you register it as a reward? (It is probably also important for you to define what you mean by "reward", because we are likely thinking about that differently. What is a reward and what is its purpose?)

I am not yet disagreeing with you, because I do not really get your position. I do not see how your stance is practical. It is like you're saying make someone feel loved and appreciated without doing any of the things that make them feel loved and appreciated.

You also mentioned "punishments and orgasm denial" in your post, which is not what the OP asked about. So *shrug*, I really don't get where you're coming from.