LordofPain56
|
1 year ago •
Jun 6, 2022
Personally, I don't agree with making a list of rewards that would be available to the submissive for good deeds and victories, although, I am absolutely adamant about submitting a list of rules and punishments for violations of those rules prior to a relationship ever ensuing (during the courtship or discovery phase).
I think it would be better to surprise her with something based upon your knowledge of her personal likes and tastes. If she knows ahead of time what the reward is gonna be, it's like no reward at all, because she will be expecting it. |
|
|
Online now
Heero(dom male)
|
1 year ago •
Jun 6, 2022
LordofPain56 wrote: Personally, I don't agree with making a list of rewards that would be available to the submissive for good deeds and victories, although, I am absolutely adamant about submitting a list of rules and punishments for violations of those rules prior to a relationship ever ensuing (during the courtship or discovery phase).
Indeed. But it all depends on how two people want to structure things.
I think it would be better to surprise her with something based upon your knowledge of her personal likes and tastes. If she knows ahead of time what the reward is gonna be, it's like no reward at all, because she will be expecting it. For the record, not everything I suggested I do. I just know of things that work for some (which may or may not include myself) and are throwing out some ideas for the OP (who I don't know very well or know of his experiences or preferences). Sure, a list doesn't have to be revealed to the sub, but a Dom would do well to make a mental list of things that his sub would love and find rewarding. Whether the known list strategy would work depends on the persons in the dynamic. Also, expectation isn't necessarily bad. It depends on execution. But to each their own. EDIT: fixed a typo. Thanks kitty. |
|
|
I'mME
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
Re: Rewards for submissive Heero wrote: I'mME wrote: Meech wrote: Hey there. Meech here. I’m coming on here for some advice if anyone could give it to me. Recently I’m talking with a future sub everything seems to be going great as we are getting to know each other and we were both straight up with why we were looking for in a Dom and Sub respectively.
I’ve been thinking of the rules and punishments. Those are good but how do you guys go about rewarding your sub for good behavior. If I could get a solid list of 5 reward suggestions I should be fine. I’m looking for great advice from fellow Doms and or subs as well. I was waiting to hear back from you Meech, to see your answer to my question but after doing some more thinking on this subject I am still in support of keeping in my mind that love languages are very important in any kind of partnership. They should NOT count as rewards. But I also want to just say, you need to get to know your submissive. Through exploring my submissiveness, I will have to say for me rewards and punishments should not be on the table till a few months into a dynamic. And if online and/or long distance [depending on if the two parties will ever meet up irl, punishments and orgasm denial should not be on the table. I came to this conclusion after reading and researching online/ldr relationships. I did not see where you mention any of those details. Good luck You have an interesting take, but I am not sure I understand it. Please provide some examples as I did. How can a reward for someone be separate from something in the person's love language? To me it seems like a reward has to be a subset of the things that fall under someone's love language, it's just done in a different way for different reasons. It is largely a matter of context and elaborateness. To illustrate: It's like the difference between a husband and wife eating dinner together every day versus having a celebratory anniversary dinner. In the end, you're still having dinner together. But one is clearly above and beyond and has different emotional impact associated with it. But your stance implies that they are the same, and the wife should not feel any more special on their anniversary than if they were having a TV dinner in their pajamas. Tell me about a reward you've gotten for which you didn't feel loved/appreciated for receiving it. And if you did not feel those positive emotions, how did you register it as a reward? (It is probably also important for you to define what you mean by "reward", because we are likely thinking about that differently. What is a reward and what is its purpose?) I am not yet disagreeing with you, because I do not really get your position. I do not see how your stance is practical. It is like you're saying make someone feel loved and appreciated without doing any of the things that make them feel loved and appreciated. You also mentioned "punishments and orgasm denial" in your post, which is not what the OP asked about. So *shrug*, I really don't get where you're coming from. You do not understand where I am coming from. If one is in a punishment dynamic then I would assume that both parties sat down, negotiated the rules and punishments, no? You stated that perhaps our definitions of reward were different. I am a lover of words, writings, and reading. I will always be thinking and using the Cambridge definition when I wrote and/or verbalize a word. Rewards-- something given in exchange for good behavior or good work, etc.: The love languages are so important in a dynamic and it would be a no-go if a Dom were to only use these things as rewards. I don't know how that works out in your head and dynamics, but feel free to share. You also said that you did not understand why I brought up being careful in LDR and Online only relationships with regards to use of punishments [then I gave some examples] and reiterated what the OP asked for help with. I had already posted one question in my first comment about his statement that he had already thought about rules/punishments. It sounded like a solo task, which made me think are they online, or is it going to be a LDR. This would put a new wrinkle into rules/punishments and rewards. Rewards are right there along side of rules/punishments, period. So I added my second comment/thoughts to give different thoughts in case they are LDR and/or online only. I hope that clears your confusion up. |
|
|
|
I'mME
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
LordofPain56 wrote: Personally, I don't agree with making a list of rewards that would be available to the submissive for good deeds and victories, although, I am absolutely adamant about submitting a list of rules and punishments for violations of those rules prior to a relationship ever ensuing (during the courtship or discovery phase).
I think it would be better to surprise her with something based upon your knowledge of her personal likes and tastes. If she knows ahead of time what the reward is gonna be, it's like no reward at all, because she will be expecting it. Yes, I agree with this. I was having trouble getting my thoughts about somehow distinguishing rewards, from my head to paper. So where I wrote that it needed to be something other than a love language type thing was an error. I was trying to say it needed to stand out, and this is an excellent way, a surprise. |
|
|
|
Heero(dom male)
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
Re: Rewards for submissive I'mME wrote: You do not understand where I am coming from. If one is in a punishment dynamic then I would assume that both parties sat down, negotiated the rules and punishments, no? And yes, discussing the rules of a dynamic is a part of the process of setting one up. That is not in contention here. I'mME wrote: You stated that perhaps our definitions of reward were different. I am a lover of words, writings, and reading. I will always be thinking and using the Cambridge definition when I wrote and/or verbalize a word. Rewards-- something given in exchange for good behavior or good work, etc.: Rewards (in this case) must line up with someone's love language (In the general case, it lines up with "a" love language). If they don't like something, it won't be interpreted as a reward. Do you disagree with this? I'mME wrote: The love languages are so important in a dynamic and it would be a no-go if a Dom were to only use these things as rewards. I don't know how that works out in your head and dynamics, but feel free to share. I'mME wrote: You also said that you did not understand why I brought up being careful in LDR and Online only relationships with regards to use of punishments [then I gave some examples] and reiterated what the OP asked for help with. I had already posted one question in my first comment about his statement that he had already thought about rules/punishments. It sounded like a solo task, which made me think are they online, or is it going to be a LDR. This would put a new wrinkle into rules/punishments and rewards. Rewards are right there along side of rules/punishments, period. So I added my second comment/thoughts to give different thoughts in case they are LDR and/or online only. I'mME wrote: I hope that clears your confusion up. Though I do think there is a reason you disagreed with me. It seems to be because you thought I said knowledge of someone's love language should ONLY be used when rewarding. That is not the case and it is not my stance. So maybe this was a bit of misunderstanding here. Last edited by * on Tue Jun 07, 2022 8:09 am, edited 1 time in total |
|
|
|
Heero(dom male)
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
I'mME wrote: LordofPain56 wrote: Personally, I don't agree with making a list of rewards that would be available to the submissive for good deeds and victories, although, I am absolutely adamant about submitting a list of rules and punishments for violations of those rules prior to a relationship ever ensuing (during the courtship or discovery phase).
I think it would be better to surprise her with something based upon your knowledge of her personal likes and tastes. If she knows ahead of time what the reward is gonna be, it's like no reward at all, because she will be expecting it. Yes, I agree with this. I was having trouble getting my thoughts about somehow distinguishing rewards, from my head to paper. So where I wrote that it needed to be something other than a love language type thing was an error. I was trying to say it needed to stand out, and this is an excellent way, a surprise. But yes, indeed, surprises are a nice way to go. Not the only way. And how and how often you use them depends on the person. But I would guess virtually everyone would like to be surprised with something they love in some way at some time. |
|
|
Zelia
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
So much talking in circles
Some like rewards and need them Some don’t need or want rewards beyond knowing they have pleased Some use a pre-agreed list of rewards Some are spontaneous and give ‘surprise’ rewards Rewards will differ depending on whether the relationship is long distance or local Knowing your partner is absolutely key in deciding whether rewards are appropriate and then which, if any, would be most pleasing Love languages are in the mix somewhere
Good luck! |
|
|
Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker}
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
JustAlice wrote: So much talking in circles It's almost like there's enjoyment to be found in it all. 
|
|
|
|
I'mME
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
Re: Rewards for submissive Heero wrote: I'mME wrote: You do not understand where I am coming from. If one is in a punishment dynamic then I would assume that both parties sat down, negotiated the rules and punishments, no? And yes, discussing the rules of a dynamic is a part of the process of setting one up. That is not in contention here. I'mME wrote: You stated that perhaps our definitions of reward were different. I am a lover of words, writings, and reading. I will always be thinking and using the Cambridge definition when I wrote and/or verbalize a word. Rewards-- something given in exchange for good behavior or good work, etc.: Rewards (in this case) must line up with someone's love language (In the general case, it lines up with "a" love language). If they don't like something, it won't be interpreted as a reward. Do you disagree with this? I'mME wrote: The love languages are so important in a dynamic and it would be a no-go if a Dom were to only use these things as rewards. I don't know how that works out in your head and dynamics, but feel free to share. I'mME wrote: You also said that you did not understand why I brought up being careful in LDR and Online only relationships with regards to use of punishments [then I gave some examples] and reiterated what the OP asked for help with. I had already posted one question in my first comment about his statement that he had already thought about rules/punishments. It sounded like a solo task, which made me think are they online, or is it going to be a LDR. This would put a new wrinkle into rules/punishments and rewards. Rewards are right there along side of rules/punishments, period. So I added my second comment/thoughts to give different thoughts in case they are LDR and/or online only. I'mME wrote: I hope that clears your confusion up. Though I do think there is a reason you disagreed with me. It seems to be because you thought I said knowledge of someone's love language should ONLY be used when rewarding. That is not the case and it is not my stance. So maybe this was a bit of misunderstanding here. Though I do think there is a reason you disagreed with me. It seems to be because you thought I said knowledge of someone's love language should ONLY be used when rewarding. That is not the case and it is not my stance. So maybe this was a bit of misunderstanding here. You seem to take issue that I had my own opinion on this subject, though I do not know for what reason. I do not think nor did I write anything about you having stated that ONLY love languages should be used for rewards. I merely stated what you described as rewards were love languages. Let me state for the record that I do not play games like the one you seem to be playing,. Twisting my words around to suit your feelings, that I have done some wrong to you. I may have had trouble getting to paper what my exact thoughts were, as I stated to Lord of Pain, but your need to to keep misquoting me is another subject . I did not understand why you brought that up because the OP never asked for help with those things. I also do not think that rewards and punishments have to go hand in hand or compliment each other or always have to be "right there along side" each other. You can talk about one without having to talk about the other. It is more than ok to set up a reward system and a punishment system separately. I never said rewards and punishments go hand in hand, nor did I write that they had to be set up together. You are taking things out of context and are either obtuse or deliberately trying to get under my skin. I gave the reason why I mentioned what I did right above your statement. There were a few more things I wrote that you twisted up but I hope these things I have gone back over for the 2nd time now gives you a more clear picture on the subject of me and the types of things I will and will not tolerate. Feel free to ask any direct questions you may have, but please do not twist my posts up for your own agenda. |
|
|
Masochistgreg(masochist male)
|
1 year ago •
Jun 7, 2022
JustAlice wrote: The notion of rewards makes me smile. Punishments allow us to draw a line under disappointment, to be redeemed and move forwards free from guilt or bad feeling. Rewards… I/we don’t need them.
I seek to please and when I know my Master is happy with me, that He is pleased then I am happy. The ultimate reward is the continuing depth of relationship and knowing we want the best for each other. A list of rewards isn’t something we have ever needed or used. I think this is more about how You want to shape Your dynamic than ‘rewards’. Rewards make me think of a transaction. I want more than that. I could not agree more with the reward being simply that Master/Mistress/Owner is pleased (by his/her expression or verbal response). As a sub/slave, the only pleasure that I can strive for is fulfilling the tasks, assignments, or subjugations that my owner (or his/her delegates) bestows upon me. I never see myself as being in any kind of position to expect any other “reward” |
|
|