Starting a conversation

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 21, 2022

Play the question game.

Rules:
No mundane questions
No mirror questions

You ask a question- they answer it then ask you a question. You answer it then ask...

balloonkotinsp • Aug 21, 2022

How does one never ask a mundane question? Mundane is subjective to person being asked said question. That would be difficult to follow. Is asking someone their name, or favorite hobby mundane?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 21, 2022

Mundane questions: how are you , how is your day.

The intent of the game is to get to know a person deeply and continue the conversation equally.

All questions are fine- but the goal for the questions is to go beyond the everyday.

Beyond "how are you - fine- you? "

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 21, 2022

Furthermore- to clarify.

All questions are good. Name - hobby whatever.

The INTENT of the game is to equally have a conversation and to remove the pressure of creating and maintaining the conversation on one person.

Its supposed to be FUN.

balloonkotinsp • Aug 21, 2022

Gotcha. I was in the middle of making a fucking double bogey on the 11th hole when I responded. I was clearly annoyed at that. Sorry.

KinkyKey​(sub female) • Sep 16, 2022

Hi there!

In response to your post, I would say anything is fine! Treat it like normal dating, honestly! I'm not great at either, so it's still tough for me. They're still normal people. Ask them about their interests, hobbies, or even about themselves in general.

~

I posted this in response to someone else, and figured it might be helpful to you too! Doesn't quite answer your question, but I think it's helpful for any new and nervous person!

I don't have a ton of experience in the actual nitty gritty of D/s, but I do have quite a bit of experience with greetings. My first piece of advice is do not feel obligated to reply to every single message that is sent to you! I know as a new sub, being young and untrained, you can receive TONS of messages. It can be really draining (trust me, I know). I especially would not respond to those who are being disrespectful right off the bat.

Every person has a different approach, and you have to figure out what kind of approach you like. I have found that not replying to messages that are overtly sexual has been a LIFESAVER. No dominant who cares enough to get to know you will be talking about what he wants to do with you or to you without at least knowing something about you. However, don't mistake this for them outlining some of their kinks. Some Dom's do this as a way to see if the two of you will be compatible or not!

Another thing, don't be afraid of not being experienced. Any worthwhile Dom will not care, and if anything will take more time with you as they have been made aware of the fact that you don't have experience. HOWEVER, there will be some fake Dominants who will try to take advantage you. They will try to boss you around and claim ownership from the get go. DO NOT allow this. Keep this in mind... just being a sub does not mean that you are *their* sub. Them being a "Dominant" does not make them *your* Dominant.

As to how to greet them, that is up to personal preference. It's just another thing you have to figure out unfortunately. When I first started out, I called every Dominant I came in contact with Sir. However, after awhile I realized it made me uncomfortable to be calling a complete stranger such a thing. It felt like I was already handing myself over, and I just didn't like how it felt. So I stopped. I just recently have started up again, but only to those who I deem worthy. I always check out their profile, take a look at some of their forum replies (if they have them), and really taking into account in to how they're approaching me. Like I stated earlier, horny messages are a no go for me. Other messages I do not respond to are demanding ones. Any message that has someone trying to control you from the get go is a *no no*. I expect respect when someone is greeting me, just as they would. I respond best to courteous messages (i.e. Hey KinkyKey! I took a look at your profile and I really like how bubbly and honest you are! From your bio and your BDSM checklist it seems like we could be compatible! Hope to hear from you.)

One last paragraph for my essay icon_razz.gif Trust. Your. Gut. If you are talking to someone and they are giving you weird vibes, take a step back. Reach out to a friend and ask their opinion. Maybe even a couple friends. You can respect theirs and yours privacy while also making sure that you are taking part in a safe conversation. Never EVER be scared to reach out! There are plenty of nice people on here willing to lend a hand, as you can see from the replies on here.

Don't forget that you're a person worthy of respect too. Being a submissive makes you no less than a Dominant. Both roles are things to be cherished and nurtured, regardless of what position they hold

Feel free to message me if you have any more questions! I'd love to be able to help you on your journey.

Good luck!

Tripledomx​(dom male) • Sep 16, 2022

Hello there, I am a Dom. My wife and myself are new to the lifestyle amd starting to explore ourselves, limits and the community we are now a part of. I am looking to meet an talk to like minded people like us, discuss ideas, questions, and learn how to better myself as her Dom. Looking for someone willing to take the time to train me or both of us at the same time. Feel free to send a message 

Mentor For Now​(dom male) • Sep 16, 2022

Talk to them like you would any other person. Get to know them outside of kink and see if this is a person you want to spend your time with. See if you enjoy talking to them or being around them.

The kink and submission conversations can wait, or be woven into that. Heck, it is one thing both of you definetly have in common. It will come up naturally, trust me.

Re: Starting a conversation

IronWorld​(sadist male) • Sep 16, 2022

There's no such thing as a safe question. Questions are invasive by nature. Stop asking for permission to be a coward. You're already anonymous online. You're already afraid to ask the questions you would need to keep yourself safe in an irl situation. If you're already committed to being afriad forever, then go ahead and be afraid. Just be honest about it instead of pretending there's some game of safety questions you can play with anyone online that will keep the teasing alive long beyond the point where any rational person would give up on you and move on.

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 16, 2022

It's primarily based on what you want and wether or not that person may be compatible with what you want. If so then I'm sure you have a bunch of questions s to ask that might not be answered by their profile and if not then you can never have too many freinds, especially ones you enjoy chatting with which creates a trusting connection and thus opens up an option of someone to go to for answers that you've already established a freindship which will probbaly not evve into anything more.