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Just starting out

Tripledomx​(dom male)
2 months ago • Sep 8, 2022

Just starting out

Tripledomx​(dom male) • Sep 8, 2022
Looking for ppl to talk to about the lifestyle and how to better my self as a dom for my wife, any ideas ?
MissBonnie​(dom female){oz}
2 months ago • Sep 8, 2022
Read, read and read so more! Then when your finished, start the process again!

Honesty read everything you can but also take it with a grain of salt..read it all as "ideas" and "food for thought" not a manual on how to live to live your lives together. Trying to live like something you've read about will destroy you. Do things your own way (of course safety/consent applies here). Also think about the Author of what your reading, where does their experience come from. Is the opinion motivated by sales or by honest desire to help you. Are they single, living the lifestyle or other wise. How does that opinion or view fit your life.
BDSM is not a one size fits all. The only thing we ALL need to fit in is "safety and consent"
Speaking of safety ,if what you choose to is a safety matter, learn from someone not something you've read. There are many people that will help on BOTH on your journey together. When you reach out to others in the community they often reach back both online and in person.

My next starting point would be...

Talk, talk some more! Then when your finished, start the process again!

You can never talk enough in this lifestyle. You can never negotiate enough in this lifestyle. There is more talking BDSM than doing BDSM. Eventually you wont need to talk so much. Talk about the idea you want to try. Talk about what you BOTH want from the idea. Talk after the idea/action has happened. Things can and do go wrong! something you thought hot, might not be in reality...accept this now and it will serve you well. Of course we dont want to stuff up but the reality is we are ALL human and we all need to keep this in mind too.

my last starting point would be.....

Start simple and build. Keep time frames short.
I know it's all so exciting. Don't be that kid in a sweets store that grabs a little of everything, scoffs it all and wonders why his tummy hurts, his face has broke out and he is constipated! The sweet store doesn't close, you can always go back! You can't if you end up in diabetic coma and dont get to come back from that.

Last would be remember this is about connection and enjoyment. As long as you're both getting that, perfection can be the end goal.
Have fun. Enjoy your partner. Laugh, smile, enjoy.
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Sinity​(dom female)
2 months ago • Sep 9, 2022
Sinity​(dom female) • Sep 9, 2022
I think places like this and other BDSM centered communities are exactly where you need to be to learn. Take a step back from porn because while it is often doesn't like up with reality.

Like MissBonnie said, read. Also converse. Chat rooms, DMs, forums. Do not be shy about asking questions. Nothing is a stupid question and should be asked. And don't do it alone. You should involve your wife as you are both building your dynamic together. You are the dominant but that doesn't mean you need to be the only educated one in your relationship. You aren't going to be dictating how your dynamic will be, this is something negotiated and built together.
Miki​(masochist female)
2 months ago • Sep 10, 2022
Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 10, 2022
There are plenty of people on here who can answer questions and point you in the right direction, but in the end, if there are any near you, attend munches and shit where you both can meet and talk to similarly freaky people in person...

Other than that, one carves his or her own way in the world of kink.

Sorry I'm not of more help. I'm only twisted during sex, I am not in a dynamic, nor do I plan to be in one. By "day" I'm quite ordinary...

But there are, as I and others have said, other freaks in here and other like-minded sites who can give you suggestions and ideas.

And of course and most of all, as MissBonnie wrote:

... Read, read, read!
FlyingAlan​(dom male)
2 months ago • Sep 21, 2022
FlyingAlan​(dom male) • Sep 21, 2022
I realize your married, but I like to have a sub fill out a printable D/s checklist. It also list such things as how interested you are or are NOT. It's a great conversation starter. Pick a subject and ASK HER what she s thinks about it. Im betting you will be surprised at some of the things she wants.