How did you figure out the D/s lifestyle is what you wanted/needed?

How did you learn about the D/s lifestyle? How did you know that it satisfies something inside you?

I was introduced in a way that leaves me less trusting than many. But I'm curious about those who seemingly wandered into it.

It was a developing process over many years and still not yet completed. Many different relationships left me feeling unsatisfied and I slowly put the puzzle pieces together as to why. Even my last relationship made me realize that there is still much deeper that I want to go.

Hi There!
I found that pain and sexual stimulation mixed tremendously when I was in my teens.. 13 to be exact.. My date decided to rip my clothes off and boink me in front of his friends...


I was sold ever since.

BUT ... if you aren't sure of this stuff.. Don't let anyone make you do it.

Well in high school I found myself face fucking my girlfriend in the library study room, which was a fair hint.

But really it down to two things as I learned more over the years. I enjoy the structure, the clear definition of what is expected from each party and what is or is not permitted. Secondly, I do love my control. Conforming circumstances to fit my whim as I conduct a symphony of sin to a fevered climax.

Also every time I ask my partner what they'd like for dinner and they reply with, 'well whatever you want' I want to whip them...so natural fit.

That's a good question. Everyone will have their own experience. Most I hear people experience it though past partners. For me I stumbled onto BDSM themed porn in my mid teens. It lit a flame that made normal sexual interactions seem lacking. I only truely knew i need this in my life when I had my first kink sexual experience in my early 20s. It has been an evolutionary journey ever since. Could I life without it? Yes, but I would feel empty and not who I am suppose to be.

Let's see, I didn't have any experiences as a teenager or even a 20 something year old with porn or a sexual experience that was the aha moment. I was pretty clueless and very vanilla until about 7 years ago when I met my now ex. As a younger person I remember things crossing my mind that I thought....wait, that's not 'normal'. Things I felt I could never repeat to anyone because I grew up in a very conservative setting, so years went by with these dark thoughts going through my mind and relationships came and went and I just lived my life. I was happy, but not fulfilled in my relationships and life. I always felt like something was missing but had no idea about the bdsm world.

Fast forward to my last relationship and my partner had a little more knowledge about the bdsm world, not much more...but a tiny bit more. He noticed my personality, attitude, who I was felt an awful lot like a little/middle and I had been hiding it for a while thinking it was wrong. So, he mentioned it to me...I researched some and we decided to give it a go. It was great for a little bit, but when push came to shove he was not researched/ready/whatever you want to call it to be a dom and things broke down. I think he enjoyed having a little, but wanted to push it further towards a master/slave dynamic and I wasn't ready and didn't want that and we weren't communicating enough and I felt he was trying to take something from me that I wasn't ready to give. So, I just stopped it all and I didn't feel comfortable with it after that. We were together for 7 years and we tried, but ultimately things happen and sometimes it doesn't work out...so we separated and now I'm here. The little time I DID have with him experiencing the tip of the iceberg made me realize that bdsm was the thing I've been missing in my life, I feel the most happy/secure/like myself when I'm submitting. I think everything happens for a reason and even though my first experience is tainted with a lot of not so good feelings....at the end of the day I DID learn a lot about what I DON'T want and what I DO want in a dom and a dynamic and even things about myself.

I completely relate to this. Feeling the good parts but not being on the same page about wants and needs. My first experience had unique highs paired with many lows that ultimately became toxic. I learned so much and still wonder what my ex learned.

Yes, I appreciate the experience for what it was. I'm not sure if my ex learned anything from the experience, I get the feeling he wasn't as serious about the dynamic as I am now. I think our real problem was that we were just not mature enough yet, our communication was awful and I honestly wasn't comfortable voicing my wants and needs...I could have spoken up more, not sure if that would've made a difference in how he communicated...but that's something I'll never know I suppose. After that relationship ended and I started my research and then joined this wonderful site and started talking to a lot of really nice doms on here (you know who you all are, shout out to the amazing doms AND subs who have encouraged and helped me so far lol) I got a much fuller picture on what being in a dynamic and being a sub truly means and it turned into this beautiful amazing experience I wanted. I have a much deeper appreciation and respect for dynamics and honestly can't wait to meet my dom!

So, how did you keep your forceful clothes-tearing boyfriend out of jail?

For me it has been a slow and steady process of coming back to and accepting myself, moreso than discovering this is what I wanted. Looking back I realise I’ve always been this way… behaviours, mannerisms, beliefs, sexuality (I have memories of masturbating using asphyxiation as a very young child for example, and my hatred of clothes was a battle my poor parents dealt with constantly lol). Over time I came to learn that I was different and that it was considered strange and even wrong, so systematically I shut down the unacceptable parts to fit in and be normal. The final part was my sexual free-spiritedness in high school because the girls were all worried I was going to fuck their boyfriends ?. So I became like them… “girlfriends,” “girl-next-doors”… vanilla. It was only ever on the outside though. I still of course, was me. Over the years it seems there were people who saw “me” and tried to coax me out, but I wasn’t having it, and stayed firmly nestled in my idea of normal until well into my late 20’s early 30’s. Then I met a man who made it impossible for me to ignore anymore. There were many factors though. I think more than anything I was just ready. Ready to finally begin being honest with myself and others. Ready to begin the journey back to being me. Nowadays I can’t even fathom living any other way