Happiness in a relationship

Happiness in a relationship

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2022

Who the hell told you that you're going to be happy in a relationship...all the damn time?

It puzzles me how modern relationships/marriages are crumbling like the top of a coffee cake. Even in the dynamic world of BDSM where rules apply, people just can't seem to hold it together. There are a few reasons to end the love affair, of course. Or at least, shake it up. I'll start it off and everybody can add to this like a pot of gumbo.

1. You stop doing the things that drew your lover in at the beginning.

2. You stop caring how you look...and smell. Yuck!

3. Becoming too familiar. We all know what that breeds which ties into the first two.

4. Taking each other for granted.

5. Lastly, I'll throw in the Big C word. No, not that one. CHEATING. Yeah, that one.

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2022

6. Lies/ lying. A lie can cause you to lose all trust in a partner.

7. Not having a common interest in vanilla activities. Kink is only half of a relationship.

8. Not being open to exploring or trying new things. You'll get left behind as your partner outgrows you.

9. Listens to mumble rap. Causes long term damage to the brain.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2022

10) Completely abandons the role they took to begin the dynamic. Stops being either Dominant or submissive and becomes totally vanilla instead.

11) One person stops growing as a person. No longer cares about improving themselves or having a life outside the relationship.

12) Addictions--one party gets addicted to something and sacrifices the relationship to keep the addiction going.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2022

13) If one partner becomes kinky while the other remains vanilla.

14) The two parties' sex drives become vastly different. One person goes completely asexual while the other one still wants a normal, ongoing sex life.

Estaria​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2022

The unhappy times are where I grow respect and love for my partner the most. I just want someone who can sit down and have a calm conversation without being defensive. I am emotional, definitely, but my partner needs to know how to bring me down from a 6 to a 1 and help me.

I'm loyal to a fault and I always told my ex....I would never judge him for any problem or issue he had, I would always help and understand...but the day he refuses to even try to fix his problems, that's the day I'm out. I just want effort, that's all. I know ppl aren't perfect, I don't expect them to be. It's a sad day when you realize the person who was supposed to be your person cares so little about the relationship they refuse to get help.

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2022

I have a question about number eleven. Exactly how are you judging a person's growth? What if they're already a top notch human being? Are you expecting continued growth even if they've reached their goals?

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2022

Reaching your goals doesn't mean you stop growing as a person. From my experience, the most top-notch people have even bigger goals than when they started. There's nothing more boring and depressing than someone who talks about all the things they've accomplished in the past but they have absolutely going for them now. And I don't think it's for the partner to judge if the person is growing. That's for the individual to decide. We all know whether we're growing and stretching and reaching or not. None of us is perfect and we can all strive to be better and improve.

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2022

Your replies give me the warm fuzzies. But I got my eye on you. Do you stay if he gets weak and slides into some foreign kitty kat? He's on point with everything else but slips up that one time. Go...

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2022

Love ya Blondie but I gotta give some push back here. You said, "it's not for the partner to judge if the person is growing. That's for the individual to decide." But the post is about reasons to leave. So on some level you will be judging your partner's growth and whether it measures up to your standards.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2022

Love ya back, Dom Pinnacle, but if one partner is growing while the other remains stagnant, it isn't going to work out. Everything changes, and if one partner is striving to improve while the other remains the same, they will grow apart in time. Remaining the same means disintegrating, so this process might happen slower or faster depending on the circumstances, but it will happen inevitably. I speak from experience here.