Turn offs in new conversations

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 29, 2024

my turn off about online dialog is that there really isn't any. I am on two other kink related social sites and find that nearly all of the conversations I'm in face an abrupt stop - a ghosting that leaves me wondering and confused.

I am a good communicator with a larger than normal vocabulary. Trained in sales and writing I can strike up a conversation with nearly anyone about nearly any topic and hold my own, even if that means asking open ended questions and spending my time listening to learn. I have had friends, lovers and complete strangers tell me I should write a book because of my ability to animate a story beyond a mere set of words. Yet, for some reason I am unaware of, I can not get anyone to engage me online.

This wasn't always the case. In the early days of the internet - like 1997ish - I was contacted by a female submissive that liked certain photos I posted to usenet. Our cyber relationship (friendship) lasted years. Lately I get excited if I receive a full sentence that isn't shorthand text speak. . .and I'm stymied when the second sentence never arrives.

I recently attended a nearby munch. One attendee and I go back over 20 years, another attendee about 15 years while the rest I was just meeting for the first time. The conversations were so stimulating that the munch hosts had to shoo us away like last call at a bar, then we stood on the sidewalk for another half hour before finally going our separate ways.

After arriving home, I logged onto the kinky social media site we had met through to add my new friends. Two friended me and sort of interacted, but only in cryptic text speak, while the rest, that had been enthralled with in person conversation a couple hours earlier, now ignored me, while two others acted almost hostile towards any interaction I tried to have with them. I finally stopped trying and have determined I'll never go back to that munch.

So, I found The Cage and joined. I am NOT interested in cyber only - an irl D/s relationship is the goal. . .so far the Cage seems more communicative than the other site or the blog. . .but far fewer members and no one within 100 miles of me.

Thanks for reading my rant.

fatsubslut​(sub female) • Jan 29, 2024

For me a major turn-off is the attitude of "I'm bored, entertain me." I find the inability to entertain oneself something I just can't relate to. I'm just not into providing entertainment in just alleviate boredom.

I also find it painful when the conversation doesn't flow. It either does or doesn't. But if it doesn't, I don't have much desire to put in the work after a certain point. Because it does become work.

Miki • Jan 29, 2024

(truncated for relevance)

I have encountered the same thing, except in my case I don't mind when they go away. However I, too, am possessed of a reasonably intelligent vocabulary plus the ability to properly and effectively use it--- and while I sell nothing, I am also a (not for publication/don't have time for deadlines and shit) writer. I enjoy going back to something I wrote back when I was younger and editing.

But at any rate, the initial flurry of messages back and forth always tapers off and ends, often shortly after the time they figure out I really am not looking. It's the nature of this place I assume. Alas this fade-to-black crap takes place on "regular" social sites-- as in nothing to do with BDSM or other sexual or emotionally related topics. It seems people just don't have a substantial inventory of topics to bring up and discuss.

So, it's no fault of yours, no fault of mine. In some respects it could be the overall superficial nature of online conversations. For example, even back when Facebook was a bigger deal than it is now compared to the "apps" that abound, it was fairly common to see people with hundreds of "friends"-- if not over a thousand, the lion's share of whom never actually engage in any contact at all. They're "collections" to be added to not actual friends.

Hell I still have a FB account I use to message back and forth with a guy I met in here, and that's lasted over 3 years, a rare find, but I only have 4 "friends" on there officially and I hear from none of them.