Advice on how to stay friends with a Dom after a breakup?

Advice on how to stay friends with a Dom after a breakup?

Artsysub​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2022

Hi there,

I’m not sure if I’m putting this in the right spot but I’m looking for advice. My partner and I split because they moved across the country. It was as pleasant a breakup as it could be. We’d both known it was coming for a year. The problem now is we want to stay friends but sometimes I feel like a cross a boundary when we’re talking. I’ll ask if that’s the case but they won’t communicate at all and I’m just tired of feeling weird for crossing boundaries I didn’t know were there, and being made to feel weird because I asked. I don’t know that it’s even healthy to keep talking if it’s going to be like this.

Has anyone been through this before? Do you have any advice? Thanks I’m advance!

(And sorry for the wall of text)

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Dec 17, 2022

I'd probably be a little confused if the breakup had been clean and the situation was still "up in the air". Wouldn't know how to respond to that. Have you considered an LDR until you can move to follow them? If you're still harboring romantic feelings for someone that just moved away from you though, yeah, you may be torturing yourself a little.

Miki • Dec 17, 2022

Wall of text? You must be new around here. Anyway "crossing the line" sounds like a convo got a bit too saucy. You need to remember to talk as you would to a "regular" friend such as an old schoolmate.

Anyway give the dom some time, maybe you can "reset"-- but if they still don't respond, consider that friendship toast. Done. Stick a Form In It.

But you won't be the first. Learn from it. When a relationship ends however amicably, all talk even remotely suggestive is off limits. The other party is moving on, too. Friends are just that. , FWBs are play partners without commitment, and D/s is what it is.

littleamelia​(other female) • Dec 17, 2022

If they aren't communicating back then it's simply not worth your time.

reticent​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2022

Just because it was an amicable split doesn't mean you need to stay friends. Protect your energy, nobody else is gonna do it for you! If the friendship is taking away more than it's giving you then it might be time to move on. You don't owe anybody your peace.

Beautiful eyes​(sub female){Taken} • Dec 23, 2022

It's hard I am not going to lie. Especially if they are still flirty and everything is good and you are talking and having fun.
Here's the thing it's going to hurt like mad, however it can be done. Don't get your hope up, don't read between the lines. You have to chose to put them in the friend zone.......
To take the power you gave them back.
That's the hard part.

I wish you the best xxx

Slavehandler​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2023

I would advise you to stop doing it and I speak from experience as a dom who left the country and my girl couldn't join me despite having told her for a long time it would happen. We tried staying friends but due to hidden signals and feelings, it often led to drama or sexual tension. We tried again after a few years when I needed to travel back as we have the same network we often meet each other when traveling around the world on our own. The sexual tension is clearly still there and it can still cloud her mind and make her feel negative emotions if I do not reciprocate. For that reason, we keep the contact minimal but still available if there is a major emergency. Does that mean it is the same for you? Not at all. However, the emotional connection between a strong dom/sub goes very deep, and trying to be friends right after a breakup is super dangerous and hard for many people. I highly recommend waiting a year or even two before reconnecting if you still feel the friendship is of value, as right now it is common to feel empty and therefore hold onto the friendship as a minimum. So, let some time pass and try again next year. Protect yourself as it can get messy and confusing for both parties.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 22, 2023

Sometimes you just can’t, no matter how hard, how you try.

Distance and space often is the only way, to stay friendly.

The danger with trying to stay friends, close, is despite there being no kink, it may on a vanilla level be too close to what was, which leads to confusion and can become toxic.

My advice is clean break and keep any chat light and very casual, if at all.

goodgirlx​(sub female) • Feb 22, 2023

I would say if someone isn’t reciprocating any effort you are putting into any type of relationship (weather that be a friendship or more) then it’s definitely not worth your time. I have started realising this a lot recently.

Sometimes you have to accept things as it is and move on as painful as it may be. Protect your energy girl 🤍

GigglesthrupainO​(sub trans woman){Free submi} • Feb 25, 2023

I actually am in the same type of situation and had to pull back as a sub. It is hard but to move on you will need to find closure to continue to grow. Don't hold onto the history of comfort but hold onto the comfort of what is to come