Need advice on whether wife’s new Dom is shady.
1 month ago • Feb 21, 2023
Choose Wisely • Feb 21, 2023
Background: So I’ve been married almost ten years. About six months ago my wife gets really into this app called Clubhouse, voice chat rooms for all different topics. There is a guy she runs into in a bunch of the same rooms she is in, they get close over a few months. Start moving to DM’s, FaceTime calls. She tells me she is making some really close friends on there. I tell her that’s fine, I trust you, I shouldn’t be the only person you can go to for emotional support. Around New Years she tells me she is pursuing a relationship with this guy and will no longer be intimate with me. No discussion beforehand of whether I’d be into ENM, just telling me what she is doing and expecting me to be ok with it.
So I find out later that they have a D/s thing going on. She calls him Sir. He has her working on all these projects for him, like developing an AI art store together, helping edit a 4 book cyberpunk series he is writing, creating a tabletop RPG system based on said books, she is taking part in a financial literacy workshop he hosts, and he is teaching her coding. Monopolizing her time, for no pay until I told her to ask for a salary since she is doing so much for him, at which time he said he would give her money when she asked, but not a regular paycheck. Lately she has been wearing a necklace he gave her. When I asked her if she would take it off when we out to eat at a restaurant together, she said no, that it’s part of the D/s thing they have, collar adjacent I guess? I don’t know what rules they have worked out or if they have any sort of contract. I know the business they are building is all handshake agreement. This guy also has Cancer, prostate that spread, he has had part of his intestines removed and has a prognosis of less than 5 years left. He lives in LA, their plan is for him to move to NY this summer and then she would move in with him. I hate it, but if she has fallen in love with someone else that is her decision. My issue is that we have a 6 year old daughter that we are going to have to figure out custody of.
So my questions:
Is is normal Dom behavior to set up a D/s dynamic before you have even met the sub in person?
Is it bad Dom behavior to break up a marriage?
Is it bad Dom behavior to have your sub wear a necklace/collar when they still are married and live with their spouse?
Is it bad Dom behavior to monopolize your subs time working for you and not give them a paycheck?
Is it irresponsible to enter into a D/s relationship when you are terminal?
My wife seems to have ceded all decision making capacity to him. I know next to nothing about this guy. Is this a safe environment for a child?
I feel like there are too many red flags here. My daughter is my first priority. At this point, I feel like I have to push for a divorce and full custody to make sure she never has any unsupervised time around this guy. I am kink positive and support my wife doing what makes her happy, but I don’t feel like she can be trusted to make safe decisions when it comes to this guy. I could really use some perspective from folks in the community. Thank you taking the time to read this.