Sir in the South

Sir in the South

thiscowgirlrides​(switch female) • Feb 25, 2023

Oh my lanta, anyone else struggle with Sir in the American South? Tradition/etiquette of the classic type says to address gentlemen as sir as a sign of respect.
Except, now that I have a sir, I'm starting to blush each time I call any of my work colleagues sir - they are not my Sir! Even in emails.

As trends have shifted, dropping the sir/ma'am would be acceptable and that's going to be my approach. Found it humorous though, the impact of learning about this community has apparently had on my everyday language.

Sassily James​(sub female) • Feb 25, 2023

I don't have a problem with it, but I categorize the separation extremely well. This probably comes with experience and a whole bunch of self-talk, haha. I actually run into more of an issue IN the community because I'm so used to, even humorously, using sirs and ma'ams in common conversation, including asking my dog, "Yes, sir, how can I help you?"

Honestly, because I had the same conundrum, I sat myself down and asked myself what I wanted to do. Did I want to alter such a large part of my culture and upbringing for what was, ultimately, a silly problem? Or did I want to place my effort and energy into Sir and Ma'am for what the community intended?

It came down to the fact that in order to honor any dynamic that I wanted to be in I needed to be able to be true to myself and honor myself first. I am who I am, and I'm Southern to my core. Sirs and ma'ams and bless your hearts are just going to pop out no matter what. Can I erase them from my vocabulary? Sure. Do I want to? No, and anyone that I'm with will understand that. If they don't, we don't partner up. Pretty easy.

So, sure, it can be awkward and funny, but, ultimately, I'd rather be authentically me.

JustMe​(sub female){NOT lookin} • Feb 25, 2023

I am like Sassily. I was brought up in the south, never left till i wil 32. And I was brought up with manners that were mandatory, I was to say yes Sir, yes Ma'ams, please and thank you's. And if my mama was alive and saw me with no manners i would get a good ass whoopin. So, all I can say be who you are and what you are comfy with. I am turning 50 and still always use Sir and Ma'am to people. But importantly just be you and be proud to say Sir even if they don't know the meaning behind it. I found myself doing that and smiling as i walk away.

DaddyXX • Feb 26, 2023

use ' daddy' in place of 'sir' for your intimate sir..and problem solved!

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Feb 26, 2023

I say Sir to men I speak to as a matter of normal Southern speech. When I speak to a Dominant, I say Sir with much deeper respect. But I still search for something different.

Daddy is a possibility as DaddyXX mentioned but that only works if he is that type of Dominant. What I struggle with is so many being referred to as Sir, Daddy or Master. It's almost as though all Dominants are called Tom, Dick or Harry. It just isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of thing for me. I want something more personalized, deeper, individual and that comes with time.

I'm a little different btw. My Mother was from the South, my Dad a Yankee. Lived in the West Coast for my first 40 years. Now I'm an adopted Tennessean having been here for 27 years.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Feb 26, 2023

Being old school in the vanilla world, as well as with in the lifestyle, I tend to greet those new to me as Sir or Ma'am regardless of age or occupation. Simple curtesy. However, if they do not return it, I tend to back off. I find that within the vanilla world, Sir or Ma'am does not carry the same coniatation as within the lifestyle.

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 28, 2023

Might you be able to call address your Dom as 'my sir'?

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 28, 2023

I get it. But personally I'd suggest using such words only if you want and the recipient is OK with it. Too often, probably ex military types bark back, "Don't call me sir! I was never an officer. I work for a living!"


But even more personally, if I could talk, I'd say, once in a great while just to throw 'em off,:

"Hello, how are you today, Asshole?"

But that's just me and how I'm wired. A perennial smart ass and hard-core Brat.

Doesn't work quite the same in writing.

DaddyXX • Mar 3, 2023

as with most modern bdsm...many terms are used by persons who have no experience and just do/speak as they hear/see..with no basic understanding of the terms/behaviors. monkey see/monkey do. my comment...altho practical advice...was mentioned slightly tongue in cheek..