For the Sadists, I'm curious as to why

For the Sadists, I'm curious as to why

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • May 25, 2023

I've tried asking this question and it seems like I can't get an answer for it. At this point it's like an itch you can't reach.

For the sadists, why do you do what you do? My dom is a sadist and I've asked him this question, but he isn't able to put into words as to why he enjoys the torment and torture. I've asked another and he moved passed it. I'm naturally curious as to why someone enjoys tormenting and possibly torturing someone when it's Consensual.

I hope I am not offending anyone with the question. I'm just curious.

MGH​(dom male) • May 26, 2023

It’s a hard question to answer. It’s specially interesting when you look at it from a masochist and sadist point of view and how the power exchange and trust are on a whole different level from regular sub dom relationships. It brings both parties to a head space that can’t be explain. I know I like impact play and other sadistic kinks but can’t explain why am into it or what exactly got me into it. Maybe it was a trauma long suppressed or a tv show or movie I watched when I was younger. I know we all have our reasons for getting into what we do and I respect them. This is a good question to think about.

Secret Mind​(dom male) • May 26, 2023

Why do we do what we do?

It's because we dominants and sadists are like brats. We like to break some rules too.
We're like rebels, in a way. Society tells us not to spank, slap, or torture.
So we put up our middle fingers at society, then we go get a pretty little thing, bend her ass over, and make it a nice shade of red.
It's like the saying. "if it's wrong, then why does it feel so good?".
There are no major long-term consequences to safe, sane, and consensual sadism. But we still get pleasure and enjoyment in doing things deemed wrong.
For example, if I gave everyone here a stern look and pointed at them and told them not to like this post. The first that they'll say in their minds is "fuck you," and then they'll hit the like button. And why? Because there's no devastating damage from doing so. Just the thrill and enjoyment from being bad.

DaddyDrago{LilAmethys} • May 27, 2023

There is no pat answer.
Every sadist has their reasons that may be wholly unique to them.

For ME, it is about balance.

A great MANY sadists I have known are hugely generous, kind, warm, compassionate, gentle, loving people. More so than often anyone else. I consider myself someone that falls into such a character.

I have discovered within myself for as deep as my care and compassion are so also is my ability to not care and lack empathy.
Balance.
I can be the gentlest soul you've ever known......and the cruelest.
Balance.
Personally, I have seen that the measure with which I am good (I use these terms ONLY as an explanation NOT a truth) also is the measure with which I am honestly evil.
Balance.
I am both saint and sinner.
Depraved and innocent.

I honor the truth that I am dark as well as light. And I choose not to ignore, gaslight myself, or fight this reality. I choose to lean in and see myself honestly.
I gave up wondering 'why'. Its like asking why the sun shines. If you could explain it scientifically, great. It does not however change the effect it has on my and others life.
It is honestly an extreme way of loving, in my lens.

I love so much that I lean into the pain, suffering and depravity. Because that is life. It's not roses all the time. Life is not always gentle. Sometimes it is brutal.
Balance.

In a clinical sense I am deeply aroused by causing another pain, discomfort, anguish in a consensual manner. It is not the ONLY way that I am aroused but it is a very powerful way!!! Seeing someone broken, crying, mascara running, bleeding, sweating, heap of a mess is exceptionally erotic to me!!!
You know the reason I enjoy that???
Because being the one that is also able to be there to mend her. Hold her. Support her. Love her. Care for her. Dress her. Encourage her. Guide her. Shower her. AFTER all of that uncomfortability at MY hands is a way of me taking responsibility for my shadow self. By proxy loving my darkness. SO many people run in fear and do not want to face the darkness within themselves. I just simply happen to have decided not to.

As expressed above.....it is a way to break off the constraints of having to be prim and proper in everyday life. A way to 'let loose' the darkness in a safe, sane, and consensual container.

This is NOT a one size fits all.

I've known plenty of those who call themselves sadists simply as a way to be cruel and have it 'justified'. Generally, they do not last very long in the community.

Just MY point of view.
NOT the end all, be all of truth.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • May 27, 2023

I personally feel that everything kink, both sadism, masochism, and every other shade, are all lying dormant in the human psyche already. Those involved in the BDSM lifestyle are simply the ones who are open and honest enough to bring it to the surface. We create a safe place where we can act out the urges that everyone already has.

Take the example of a CNC rape fantasy, either from the "rapist's" point of view or from the "victim's" point of view. Freud and several other noted psychiatrists throughout history have commented on the vast number of women who entertain rape fantasies and men who fantasize about perpetrating these crimes--not because they want to rape someone, but because of the inherent desire both to control every aspect of the sex act (from the dominant's point of view) and to be controlled (from the submissive's point of view). We want either the power to do what we want without any social constraints (as others have mentioned) or, as submissives, we want to completely relinquish that control and feel someone "forcing" us to do it.

This is just an example, but I believe all kink is just an expression of forbidden desires that all humans have and most are too inhibited to admit they have. BDSM creates the space to act them out in a safe way--a way where both parties get what they want from both sides of the slash.

I agree with DaddyDrago that the right kind of sadist doesn't want to actually hurt or harm the masochist. They want to act out their urges with someone who enjoys the activity as much as they do so they both get their needs and wants fulfilled. As a submissive, I wouldn't want to actually get raped by a stranger on the street, but it turns me on when someone I trust and respect helps me live out that hidden, forbidden fantasy in a safe way. That's all it is--a fantasy--and a critical part of the enjoyment lies in knowing that the other party trusts and respects me enough to honor my needs both for safety and for risk-taking. That's what makes it enjoyable and not a nightmare.

The same is true for sadism and masochism. What turns me on about someone acting sadistically is that they trust me enough to show that part of themselves. They feel safe enough to expose their hidden, most forbidden yearnings. I love accepting that and being the recipient of that. I would gladly accept any suffering to give him that and I know he feels the same way about me. He's doing these things because he trusts me. He respects me above all others. It's the ultimate expression of trust and admiration on both sides that we can both be that safe place to each other.

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male){CurvyB} • May 27, 2023

Brings to mind the old saying, "Be wary of the quite ones". I am not a sadist, why my books are missing much of the graphic detail, and elude to it as much as possible. I have heard many stories of nice calm, seemingly emotionally functional, happy go luck writers, who write the most terrifying, dark, disturbing stuff you have ever read. The reason being is they have accepted themselves, they have accepted their dark, and good sides. While not a sadist, and I really prefer to be a teaser, I am not about to rule it out if asked.

The issues is, do you know when your thoughts, your ideas, while yours, are not in alignment with who you are. Knowing why is always going to be elusive, even to the person who should know best. Everyone has their own motivations, just are they ready to admit them to themselves yet is the question.

Miki​(masochist female) • May 27, 2023

Same reason why I am a masochist. Difficult to put to words. Worse, trying to explain why I am a sexual masochist rather than an all-around pain-seeker. It intensifies my pleasure to not only feel pain but to be humiliated. Be an object-- to receive that what is meant for me to receive as how I should be as a woman.

But once the need was satisfied I went about life in a "normal" fashion--- meaning nothing that would attract any particular notice. To melt into the proverbial crowd.

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The same question can be also put to anyone in the BDSM world and often is by "ordinary" people, (a term I much prefer over "vanilla" as the latter smacks of condescension to me).

Other than that, I have no mind-blowing words of wisdom.

I only want to point out that, as would apply to any of the various and sundry piles of horseshit that appear often during the whole of one's walk of life, ready to step in at any delightfully given time:

"There Is no One-Size-Fits-All answer".

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Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){I Guess } • May 27, 2023

Some of you may be interested in a blog I wrote about sadism and masochism with my Master.

https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=8270&postid=75305

TopekaDom​(dom male) • May 29, 2023

It is a very easy question for me to answer:

I want to see how far someone will go for me. What they are willing to put up with to please me. What level of pain, tears, humiliations are they willing to endure to satisfy me. That is what give me a big raging hardon

Miki​(masochist female) • May 30, 2023

Hmm... You were the type back in the day whose raging hardon got a nice (but not too harsh) rake job on the way out. Always fun to keep Mr. Woody on the sidelines a little while.