Different types of poly dynamics

Different types of poly dynamics

CotrolYourHole • Jun 8, 2023

Hey everybody,

I’m just curious if anymore more experienced in the lifestyle than me has opinions/advice when it comes to describing the type of poly dynamic that one wants. A very beautiful but kinda naive young sub sounded shocked once when I told her that me & my wife are ONLY comfortable with other girls joining us- but that she isn’t ever going to be fucked by other men. This subs idea of “polyamory” was the type that I guess is more mainstream now- meaning both partners are free to go fuck whoever, of either sex.. To me that’s the same as an “open relationship” which is fine if you’re into that but some women are happy to only ever have 1 Male Dom go inside them- since I took her virginity she has no desire to get “swapped” out to another Dom. Just wants to try playing with women alongside me

I had referred to our dynamic as “polygamy” because to my knowledge that means 1 man, multiple women. She seemed troubled by that- I guess because she associates that term with Mormonism and/or Islam (I’m neither but I have no hate toward those religions either). She seemed to think I was too restrictive or something- i just thought “well my wife loves rules & restrictions so that means im doing the right thing”I have seen the term “one penis policy” used on here- I guess saying “OPP poly dynamic” could work to describe our position on this? Not that I still talk to this particular sub but it could make things go smoother with other subs in the future…If there’s any more widely understood terms, I’d love to hear! Thanks and I hope everybody has a productive & also very kinky day
-Seth

Re: Different types of poly dynamics

Heero​(dom male) • Jun 9, 2023

I'm big on words having meaning and the importance of definitions, but in the end, many things are very fluid in the lifestyle. As long as some generally accepted (very broad) rules (like consent, for example) are in place, a dynamic is "legitimate" and you need not worry about being too dogmatic or sticking to some label. You're also not obligated to get anyone outside your dynamic to approve or understand your dynamic.

You may use a certain term that may not be technically correct at times, but if you explained what actually occurs at length, it's fine. If a prospective sub is not into the kind of dynamic you want, I would not waste time trying to convince her, just find another.

Having said all that, there are as many kinds of dynamics as there are dynamics--1000 people can say they have a D/s dynamic and it means 1000 different things when you get into the details. I think this holds true for types of polyamorous relationships as well.

Some fall into a certain structure by design, and some will naturally move to some equilibrium.

I've been in situations where I allowed a sub to see others of either gender (provided some conditions were met), but they chose to only be with me. Other times, I may be more restrictive. It's a case by case basis sort of thing. Consent is always there, as well as openness and honesty. I don't care at all whether I fit some mold or whether people outside understand or approve of my arrangements.

But yes, there are way more terms these days for various types of poly dynamics. Sick around long enough and you'll come across them. I personally feel that's the least important part of your post to respond to though. I think saying "polygamy" or "polyamory" is fine for your situation. "Open relationship" is also fine. If necessary, you can get more precise, like "one sided open relationship" or something. But explaining in words instead of sticking to a short label is fine, and usually better/necessary.

I don't think it's a super big deal, but there are terms that could cause large misunderstandings. Saying you're "swingers" would give the wrong impression for example. But again, if you're having back and forth conversation, just describe how you do things in more words.

Hope that helps.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jun 9, 2023

There is no "normal" poly relationship. Each given relationship is defined by EVERYONE involved within that particular relationship. Now the Dom/me has the decision to lay out the guidelines, but others get to choose or not to participate.

I knew a group conclave who had a Dom and a slave. Said slave had two slaves of her own. One of those slaves had a submissive.

Everyone fucked everyone. Worked extremely well for them.

CotrolYourHole • Jun 9, 2023

Thanks, great point…and that dynamic of His slave having 2 more slaves sounds fun- I’d love to help my wife become a good little alpha sub like that who disciplines the other subs/little’s while I’m at work. Very fun for everyone

EpicParker​(sub female) • Jun 9, 2023

I am in Poly Dynamic. I have been with the 2 dominants that I live with for almost 14 years. I have a 3rd LDR Dom that is my Daddy Dom and I’ve been with him for 4 years. We have a lot of rules and boundaries in our dynamic. I am closed poly on my side. I am happy with the 3 I am with.
The two Doms I live with do go on dates but they aren’t allowed to bring them home. Home is our safe space. They haven’t had in sexual partners outside of the dynamic in months.
Being in a poly dynamic can be hard sometimes. You have to have great communication skills, boundaries, requirements, trust and honesty. You have to have time management so others won’t feel left out or at a loss for time. Rules and structure are important as well. I have different rules between my LDR and my 2
Doms. I highly suggest people vet and negotiate all their potential partners for at least 6 months/1 year.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 9, 2023

I agree with what the others have said above about "self defining" I terms of what kinks mean to you, but since you are looking for "commonly used terms", I did a small Google search. Keeping in mind, I am NOT poly..I'm just sharing my search results:

Polycule: 3 or more people who are connected sexually/romanticly together by way of one person. Think of a "V"...the top tips being person's A and B, with the person they are both connected sexually with being person C. A and B do not have to be sexual with each other but only with person C. (If person C is a Dom, I've seen people describe it as an inverted V).

Throuple: 3 or more people who are all sexual with each other. Think of a triangle. ∆

Kitchen Table Poly (KTP): Is the same as the above, however, they all live together in a single household.

I imagine there are 100's of ways to describe poly, but those are just THREE ways that I've seen the structure of a poly dynamic. Again, I'm not poly myself so blame google if I got anything wrong.

CotrolYourHole • Jun 9, 2023

Nice- thanks SirsBabyDollI like the kitchen table poly term since not only is a live-in little/sub what we want eventually…and it also brings to mind how fun it’d be to pound our little on the kitchen table, especially if she has been a naughty girl & needs discipline before dinner

And I’ve heard polycule too- I had imagined that as being multiple men AND women (not for us but very fun for some im sure)…if the little we find is strictly straight then we could end up with the “connected thru person C” setup (although if she’s truly submissive I’m sure she can be warmed up to the threesome idea- wifey never would have admitted her bi desires to anyone else but once our trust got so strong she became excited about the idea)

I agree 100% with all the comments about each dynamic being different- “normal” isn’t a very useful term in BDSMthat’s a great thing about it

CotrolYourHole • Jun 9, 2023

Heero- great points, I agree it’s important to communicate in our own way with potential subs, not be focused on sounding “in the know” with certain terms because everyone’s ideas vary. And nah I’m not gonna waste time trying to convince that sub I talked to last year why OPP poly appeals to us more. She loved getting tied up etc but I could tell the idea of total mental & physical control outside of sex seemed too intense for herI think she ghosted us partially because of my wife saying in a text convo “my body is a baby making machine, I’m never gonna be allowed to use birth control” (not that she even wants to btw)…the sub said “THATS FUCKING TERRIFYING”guess a “breeding fetish” is too scary for her even though I never asked her to do that lol- at least it probably helped her realize that casual play is what she wants rn in life, as opposed to a TPE dynamic like we have

Heero​(dom male) • Jun 9, 2023

Haha, that's funny.

But all the best anyway.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 9, 2023

CYH,

A quick word about Littles (since I have one), you may find that some Littles do not engage in sexual play while in Little Space because that space is sacred innocence.

If Birth control is not going to be allowed, then yes, it would be considered a "breeding kink" and that needs to be made known. Getting pregnant is a LIFELONG commitment and not to be taken lightly. If birth control IS allowed but not condoms, that's usually called "going bareback". That also needs to be discussed.

Personally, in some ways, I find negotiations to be quite "clinical" but it's also needed because the issue of consent. Not a THIBG should be done without consent and in my opinion, is best done outside of the "heat of the moment". For.myself, I find that the rush of hormones tends to encourage me to throw away my reasoning, which can cause HUGE regrets to be left in the aftermath.