The female orgasm

The female orgasm

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Jun 22, 2023

The backstory:
I went 21 years without having an orgasm. Didn't get my first orgasm till I bought my first vibrator. Have not had an orgasm through penetration or at least not one that I know of. I've had countless people attempt to give me an orgasm through penetration. Nothing. Through clitorus stimulation. Nothing besides them essentially getting yeeted off the bed because I knee jerked and kicked off em off.

My dom has attempted to do orgasm torment with forced orgasms and at most I just get over stimulated and jerk away from it. I've had another dom that had to tie me down and even then it was too much. I can do it easily by myself but it takes 15-30 minutes watching something to get me off and over 2 hours without it.

How do I try to help myself with my orgasms? The running theory is that I have mini orgasms through penetration and just don't know it. Im not sure with the clitorus stimulation. I would love to be able to do an orgasm torment/forced orgasm thing with my dom, but after an hour of attempting it we both get frustrated with it.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Jun 22, 2023

Everyone is different and that's totally okay! For me, the best orgasm comes from a dildo designed to stimulate the g-spot and my clitoris at the same time. These types of toys are usually shorter, curved and bulbous at the end to stimulate the nerve bundle. You can use these on yourself to get comfortable with them or your dom can use with you to experiment and see if it's right for you. I really love the curved ones because you can stimulate both inside and outside at the same time and it can be really amazing once you find your groove.

But again, everyone is different and that's okay! Personally I absolutely cannot stand direct clitoral stimulation unless I'm really aroused, some people need direct clitoral stimulation to feel anything at all. Some of us can't have any kind of orgasm from penetration, and again, that is 100% okay.

But your clitoris is a deep organ that has legs that basically goes deep into your body, that's why the g-spot is such a sensitive place (especially once you've worked yourself up to a high state of arousal!) If you google "clitoris legs" (without the quotes, haha) you'll find out all kinds of neat things about it that'll help you on your quest that really helped me learn more, it's really amazing how little we know about it.

jkillaaa​(sub female) • Jun 22, 2023

PIV does exactly zero for me. It’s like rubbing the inside of my cheeks with my tongue. I can feel it. It’s not bad. It’s not good. It just.. is.

I know this wasn’t exactly helpful.. I just wanted to say I feel your pain. 🥲

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Jun 22, 2023

I also didn't have my first orgasm until I was about 23. I started out like you are now--could only have them through clitoral stimulation. Penetration did zero for me. It was like my vagina was totally dead and devoid of nerve endings.

Now I am multi-orgasmic so I've gone the whole spectrum. Now I can orgasm from any stimulation, including light stroking on my back and sides, sucking a cock, nipple stimulation, and I have continuous orgasms for hours no matter what kind of sex I'm having. I'm not bragging, I'm just telling you that it is possible for you to develop your sexuality and expand your ability to have orgasms from many kinds of stimulation.

My first suggestion is that you get it into your head that you CAN become multi-orgasmic if you want to and also that you WANT to become multi-orgasmic from all kinds of stimulation, including vaginal penetration. Then you need to let go of all this pressure to perform and just explore your body. Release your pleasure and experiment. You could try penetrating yourself with no other stimulation and just enjoy the pleasure without the need to orgasm. Just a suggestion.

My second suggestion is to let go of any inhibitions you may have. I have no idea what goes on in your head, but you may be holding yourself back for some reason.

Point number three: safety. If you don't feel safe and trust the other person, you won't allow yourself to release with them and I'm not talking about orgasm. You have to trust the other person or you will just keep defending yourself against them. When they try to get you off, you will harden yourself and think (subconsciously, maybe) I'm just not going to do it. I don't care what he does.

Point number four: dominance. I didn't fully release myself to being as orgasmic as I could be until I got into my first real D/s relationship. Something about the man's dominance allows me to be open enough and submissive enough to respond to HIM in particular. I don't respond this way when I'm alone. His dominance allows it to happen because he's doing it to me. That makes a huge difference for me.

I second what @aradialspire said about the clitoris. Some researchers have suggested that these is no such thing as vaginal orgasm vs. clitoral orgasm. The clitoris covers most of your pelvis and extends deep inside you. It even surrounds the vagina and some believe that it's the clitoris being stimulated during penetration. You might want to explore that and actually stimulate the parts of your body that give you pleasure, no matter where they are, including inside your vaginal tract.

Bunnie • Jun 22, 2023

An experiment to try…

Do you have a dildo with a suction cap base?
Attach it to a (wall) surface so you can back yourself onto it (doggy style). Using clitoral stimulation at the same time (because your hands will be comfortably free ), experiment with how the dildo penetrates you… angle (on hands and knees, or elbows and knees, closer to the wall, further away)… entry (deep, shallow, fully inside, focusing on penetrating just the entrance)… speed (slow, fast, mixture of both)… etc etc.

I recently read somewhere that the entrance of the vagina is actually highly sensitive to erotic stimulation. I never knew that. Experimenting with this in the way I suggested above, I discovered that after all these years, I found something that felt good for me.
I realised that all this time I had focused on trying to achieve the “results” everyone else did by emulating how they did things. I had stopped listening to my body and what it likes a long time ago because I fell into a trap if believing there were “right ways” to masturbate and achieve orgasm.

Now I’m on a journey of exploring and discovering what *my body* likes. And it’s turning out to be rather fun and enjoyable

So, my advice is to take the pressure off yourself and simply explore your body. It will tell you.

EpicParker​(sub female) • Jun 22, 2023

I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 19 almost 20. I never masturbated before I met my dominants. I cannot orgasm by penetration at all. I have to have clitoral stimulation. I can orgasm anally through penetration and vibrators.

Have you considered seeing a sex coach or therapist? I saw one for 6 months and it was very helpful. There are a variety of toys you can try to help get you to orgasm quicker. You could try a clitoral pump and a vibrator. You could do sensory deprivation while finding pleasurable spots on your body. Maybe listen to some ASMR erotica porn. That can be very helpful.

Notely • Jun 22, 2023

In the mind without being touched. Even just energy touch.

K y i v • Jun 23, 2023

Anti depressants are orgasm killers.. All of them... Could this be the case in many instances?
Read the labels

KatyLatex​(dom female) • Jun 23, 2023

Most of the time I find it fairly easy to have orgasms. But, things I’ve found affect this:

One kind of combined oral contraceptives “the pill” completely stopped me being able to orgasm! I had 3 months taking that pill, then I realised, and when I stopped taking that pill, my ability to orgasm returned, I was with the same long term partner during all of that so I know it was not a change in technique or anything else.

Also, (if I’m not taking hormonal contraceptives like the till) my ability to orgasm varies with my menstrual cycle so there are some times when it is more difficult to have orgasms than other times.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Jun 23, 2023

I truly feel like we get the short end of the stick. Wtf?!?