Directly and indirectly

Directly and indirectly

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 24, 2018

I've been thinking on this one. It all comes down to being direct when you're a dom but when you're a sub you might "behave" indirectly. Taking the initiative to please the dom so to speak.

A direct action would be a dom giving a sub a command which the sub then acts upon. Telling them to sit or stand for example. This can please the dom but "on command".

An indirect action would be a sub leaning into a dom as they pet them. The sub in question might tend to "act up" most other times. Yet this time they're more affectionate. In this example it's "without command".

I find both can mean a lot. Especially when they're both applied.

Thoughts?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Feb 25, 2018

Interesting. I'm not sure if 'direct' and 'indirect' are the best ways to think about things though. The behaviors you're describing are perhaps better labelled 'actions' and 'reactions'.

Regardless of how you label the behaviors, as you hint at in your last line it's more about the dynamic and how those behaviors influence it. As you suggest with, "I find both can mean a lot. Especially when they're both applied..." there' s more at play than just actions and reactions. Here's how I see the interaction.

Both Dom and sub have 'actions' and 'reactions'. As you noted, it's common for the Dom to be the more 'active' partner, but this also puts another element into play; presence. This is something that is in play from the very beginnings of a relationship. Doms and subs are rarely attracted to each other initially by actions, it's usually the presence of the other partner that first catches someone's attention. Their actions are a part of this, but it's a more overall passive thing; a 'vibe' or 'aura' to couch it in New Age terms.

A Dom should have a calm, assertive presence, and their actions should enhance, not contradict this. Acting, not reacting works best in most cases. Submissives want that sense of control and decision making taken from them and held in loving trust. Commands and the like enforce this, thus enhancing the Dom's calm, controlling 'presence' and making their direct actions that much more pleasurable.

Likewise, when a submissive has an eager yet graceful presence and reacts accordingly to the Dom's actions, these reactions are pleasing in and of themselves, but also convey the sub's presence to the Dom, showing them that the trust and surrender is welcome and genuine, which of course enhances the Dom's pleasure.

Done right, it's a wonderful feedback loop that ends up in a sweaty satisfied mess with both partners coming away feeling better and closer to their partner.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Feb 25, 2018

Without being present actions are impossible. I can explain presence quite simply beyond an "aura". The more present someone is the more of an interest they express with you. It's the "actions/reactions" as much as the "time" that contributes to the "interest meter" so to speak.

There are emotional doms (and subs) that flail about like loonies and it is not a problem with company that accepts them as they are. I know two doms that are very different from each other. One is more calm and direct then the other. Control is about exactly that. Controlling a situation. To calmly control it and not let it get out of control. That does not however mean that everything else about the dom has to be the same. Some things might need little control or even none. Other things need a lot more. They might be able to control you yet nothing else. It's also possible to control them as much as they control you (not talking about switching). In the end it's a case by case bases. I don't need control with X yet I do with Y. Which might even be none BDSM related. If a dom is calm in general then so be it. If a dom is more along the lines of bouncing off the walls yet still able to control where it is needed (the bouncing off the walls being their "presence") then also so be it. A dom might be calm yet not be able to control me. Yet the next calm one might. A bouncing off the walls one might not yet the next one might. Not because of their "presence" in general (personality in this case) but because they make the attempt with me to control the things I need controlled. Which can be done both calmly and not. It's the effort that matters to me. Keep in mind that when you know each other personally and spend a majority of time around each other there's more then a temporary interaction in a room for a few hours. You see the "out of control" as much as "in control". It's ok to be "out of control" because people are human. Though perhaps counterproductive. In general as much as in BDSM. I learned that the hard way.

Personally I'm of the mind that out of control situations end badly more often then not. BDSM or not. That doesn't mean trying to control a situation though. It simply means being aware of what the reactions are as much as the actions. Sometimes reactions will be unknown which might require more careful monitoring. Other times it means "Yank my leash and let me know if I can go to the toilet or not when I need to pee". That's not even a metaphor. XD