New Sub

New Sub

Sub Baby Love​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2023

Hi, I am new to the actual dynamic but I recently was collared and feel a little off. We talked for like 2 weeks and then met. Long distance. He collared me one of the nights I was there. And for some reason I feel kind of empty. He doesn’t text me during the day unless I text him and doesn’t really seem interested in getting to know me. He says I’m not to date anymore. After collar. Which I understand. Things just seem too easy. And fast. I love the fact that I’m owned. Makes me happy Good Girl. And everyone’s preference is different. I just feel like I’m missing something. Anyone know what I’m talking about?

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Sep 12, 2023

Collaring 2 weeks after talking with him?

I would say that is probably a little fast. Specially being new to the lifestyle.

Now me, I spent a year talking with the woman who became my sub before we met face to face and another 2 years before she became mine.

But that's just me.

You might want to rethink your position abit

Purĕ​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2023

Woah,
after 2 weeks ?

I wouldnt even consider meeting someone after 2 weeks, ....so submit to someone that quickly is out of question for me.


Did You mentioned to him, that you would need/seek/want more attention during daytime/overall ?

Did he "pretend" being single and is secretly married which may is the reason that he's busy and not so active ?

He sounds like a big 🚩🚩🚩

Sub Baby Love​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2023

Okay, thanks for the support. I appreciate it..

Sub Baby Love​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2023

Yea I think I just messed up and tried trusting too soon. I keep getting lessons on this new dynamic. All the time.
I am trying to not just trust people so easily. He said he loved me after being collared. Which seems more like a kink to me than the real thing. Idk

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 12, 2023

Yeah, wow. i don't wanna presume, but that sounds sort of like getting a new puppy, playing with it for a day, putting a collar on it and then isolating and chaining it up in the backyard while he goes on with his life.

As i see it, 'collaring' is not a one and done act, but symbolic of a deep commitment. he does not sound like the owner for you. To me, your "feeling off" is a result of not being properly 'fed' or cared for. Not that i think this is all on him (though he doesn't sound like a very good dom), i think subs need to understand what they need/want and communicate that as part of establishing and maintaining a dynamic. It seems to me that communication is lacking in this dynamic, but i understand i am just speculating from the outside.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Sep 12, 2023

Yeah we all make mistakes. I have fucked up a good deal of times, since starting all this. So you are not alone in that.

(I still fuck up now and then. Anyone who says they don't and know it all is a liar)

At least this one isn't physically hazardous.

Not all lessons in the lifestyle are fun ones. No matter what side of the collar one is on.

Purĕ​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2023

Listen sweet Girl,....
as a fellow sub, I know how You feel.
The first days, weeks,....everything always feels good.
We feel wanted. We get drawn in because they use our cravings to mold us,... they use the righr words. and all we want is exactly that feeling.

But, speak up.
We have Rights too.

As rough as it sounds,
You have nothing to lose.

Ask him for a call. Tell him how You feel. Tell him that you should feel like a million dollars due to freshly collard in this exciting new world for You but instead you feel empty and unhappy.

If he won't change just give him his collar back.

A Doms role is to make sure You are happy. at least in my eyes. No matter as what Dom a dom labels himself. He has to take care his sub feels happy and is fulfilled.

If my Dom wouldn't message me over daytime, well, he wouldn't be my dom after a handful of days. because it would be a sign for me that he doesn't care.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 12, 2023

i know i look at "collaring" a little differently than BDSM tradition, and do not claim to be all that familiar with it as a tradition or practice. my brain and emotions do take and run with the word as an idea though.

For me, "collaring" is a long and gradual process in a relationship, not a one time event... it's ongoing. As a bottom with some sub, i have what i perceive as 'collaring places' in me, places where a compatible ("compatible" is key for me) Top/Dom attaches His need/desire. To me, being collared after two weeks is sort of like getting married after knowing someone two weeks. i cannot count the number of times a guy has proposed to me after a few days of steamy connection lol. Emotionally? i'm all "oh yes, please." But time and experience has molded a pause button into me.

i think at least some of those intense encounters are real and significant, and that intensity can result in irrational decisions because we have not done the work of discovery and establishing whether we have enough common ground to build a solid, sustainable structure of ongoing relationship. I.e., we put the proverbial cart before the horse. i see the commitment that traditional "collaring" represents (to me) as a long term and ongoing process, not an upfront decision. To me, since i see myself as having myriad "collaring places," collaring is an ongoing walk, not an initiation.

ChasingAmy​(sub female) • Sep 12, 2023

yassssssssssssss she's right on the money here! don't stay in a situation that isn't fulfilling your needs.