Any Doms who do it for fun?

Any Doms who do it for fun?

Tremulous • Oct 4, 2023

Ok, so I've been lurking in the background of this scene for a few years now. However due to unfortunate circumstances have been almost entirely unable to engage with any Dominants in person. So my limited experience with Doms comes almost solely from online interactions. As such I feel the need to ask a possibly ignorant, but genuine question. One that is starting to intrigue, confuse me and worry me.
Do any Dominants REALLY like to dominate for fun? Or is it always tied up in arrogance, entitlement and ego-stroking?
I understand that "online Dom's" are almost always going to have issues, otherwise I would expect them to be "Real-life Dom's" with real, physical partners/submissives. (besides, we all know that anonymity, especially the kind that the internet provides brings out the worst in humanity.) But the overwhelming number of self proclaimed "Dom's" who exude arrogance and seem to expect the world to be handed to them on a silver platter, and beg them to take it too. Is becoming...kind of worrying. So many seem to expect others to submit to them with no questions asked, no limits, no choice and no respect. Just total unconditional control and surrender.

I don't know if this means I'm just a bad Sub or if having self-respect is antithetical to being submissive in general. But as someone who likes to know that they are entertaining others and kind of enjoys being controlled. But also likes and wants to be acknowledged and rewarded for their dedication and service. I'm starting to get the impression that I'm either missing some important part of this puzzle or some important aspect of myself.

Feel free to psychoanalyze this post and please tell me your honest thoughts and/or feelings. Regardless of whether you have a degree in psychology, experience in the scene, or are just a dominant who read this and has opinions about what I've said. Hopefully this will get lots of replies and I can try to work out truth (the Real Truth, not "my truth" or any of that BS.) Because I'm starting to worry that l have to either give up on myself or give up on my search.

Surely there are people out there who like to dominate others just for mutual fun right....Right?

Miki • Oct 4, 2023

I am neither a dom nor sub. I am merely a kinkster masochist (inactive) ----but I felt the need to stick my beak in this one anyway.

Also I won't "psychoanalyze"... That would be best left to any genuine psychologists and/or bona fide head shrinkers in here---


So here goes: Both examples you lay out in your question are (IMHO) superficial at best.

There is a whole lot more that goes into one being a dominant, sadist, or submissive for that matter than "doing it for fun" or "a function of arrogance and expecting the world to be handed out on a silver platter.

I don't see it as you being a "bad sub" but rather "uninformed".

Yes you are most definitely missing more than a few pieces of this "puzzle", as you called it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

And my outlier assessment... "Door Number Three", so to speak, is it's a novel way of attempting to attract a dominant with whom to get a dynamic going.

First: Such a fishing line is best cast in the Personals Section

Second: You need to get those missing puzzle pieces before trying to start anything because this "naughty boy" stuff won't fly with anyone except a ProDomme-- and the majority of those are scammers.

No offense intended.

Have a Happy...

M

Lady Kat​(dom female) • Oct 4, 2023

Ok you’ve come across so real characters I see. Real dominants do exist. We all have different reasons for being online, and some of us have subs in person as well as online.

That said you could likely fill a book with all the experiences I’ve had personally with “insta-doms” as well as “limitless subs”. Between narcissistic messages informing me they can “return me to my naturally submissive self” and “you just need ME to tame you”, and the equally unfavorable “make me your slave and do unspeakable things to me” or “ please mommy sit on my face” it’s all disheartening.

The truth is, it’s a numbers game. So just like anything worthwhile, we sift through the chaff for those few decent among them. Some want us as an instant kink dispenser, others want us for the attention we might provide to their bad behaviors, but there are some who genuinely share our interests, who appreciate what we are offering and when you find those? The wait is generally worth it.
In the meantime, I suggest saving the worst for your memoirs, those colorful stories sell like hotcakes!

LordofPain56 • Oct 4, 2023

I think what you need to do is to ask what your potential Dom's have achieved in their life so far and to submit to you (at minimum) a list of ALL of their personal characteristics (good and bad).
If you find that your guy is living in momma's basement, plays video games all day and works at the corner convenience store 4 hours a night, that does not exude dominance to me. If you ask a potential Dom for a list of personal characteristics and he does not already have one prepared (or is willing to give it to you verbally), that suggests to me that he may not know himself as well as he thinks he does.
Knowing his traits and habits should go a long way in determining if he is worth-while to waste any time on. Be ready to ask him questions as to how certain of his habits and traits will affect you in your interactions.
I present this type of procedure because my intention would be to find someone for a permanent relationship. But for someone who just wanted something short term or a play partner, you might be able to skip getting to know someone real well without getting too emotionally involved. I don't recommend it though.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 4, 2023

I've done it for fun.

It's called Topping.

Tremulous • Oct 4, 2023

Thank you for your your engagement and analysis but please do not belive that what I have written here is in any way inteded to


I merely want to get some advice, and insight from other, more experienced kinksters. On whether I should try to change this aspect of myself. Or if past trauma, entitled attitudes, elevated egos and/or arrogance (justified or not) are just unavoidable elements of dominant personalities.
So that I may assertain if I have simply had bad experiences, and to keep searching for a Dom who's outlook and personality compliment my own. Learn to accept that these attitudes as part and parcel of Sub/Dom relationships. Or focus on puting asside these kinky desires, accepting that "I wan't doesn't always get" and find something vanilla instead.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your opinion and insight.

Tremulous • Oct 4, 2023

So, do you really believe there is a difference between Dom/Sub play for fun and...Dom/Sub "kink" for some other reason? If so, what kind of reasons?
I guess you could say "a Dom/Sub lifestyle" but I would still have thought people get into that because both parties enjoy the act/dynamic. Otherwise, isn't it just an abusive relationship?

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 4, 2023

Of course there is a difference. Has been for 30 or some years. Other than trust, there is no emotions in Topping/bottoming. This is a purely physical activity.

Flogging, rope bondage, spanking, even things like knife play can and do happen without any type of emotional connection, save for the aforementioned trust.

How do you think Demos happen? When you see calls for rope bunnies, do you think they all have an immediate emotional connection to the rigger?

I can't tell you how many s types have popped an O on my lap due to OTK. I thanked them and made sure they were ok and sent them on their way. It does not mean I expect love letters from them.

Tremulous • Oct 4, 2023

Hmmm, now I'm wondering if this community has a different definition for the word "Fun"
I fully understand that there does not necessarily have to be a deep emotional connection to participate in BDSM. But I would expect everyone to be enjoying themselves, or at least aroused by the act during and after play.
I asked because as I mentioned in my original post, there seem to be people out there (in alarming numbers.) Both Dominant and Submissive, So desperate to "scratch their itch" that they don't seem to care at all about the emotional state of the submissive after play concludes. IE, subs willing to do things they would not normally and later regret for fear of upsetting their Dom and so ending play or missing out on future opportunities. As well as Doms who seem to care little if at all about limits of their submissive or their physical or emotional state the moment that their arousal wears off.
I am aware however that my experience with this community and dynamic is solely limited to the internet. Save for a single, relatively small-scale (I think!) Event (like 35-50 people max) wherein I will admit that all involved, both staff and guests. Seemed to be cognisant of peoples boundaries and wellbeing. However I'll admit I have no idea what the dynamics of any of the couples were truly like behind closed doors. Plus I was quite shy (I still am, I think.) and rather overwhelmed having jumped into the proverbial deep end. So spent most of my time chilling in a hot-tub talking with others about random bullshit and steadily getting drunk.

Also I know this is showing my ignorance but I've no idea what "OTK" stands for. I'm guessing just "O" is orgasm but at this point am unsure.
furthermore, is there really some mark of when it became mainstream for Doms and Subs to not at least briefly get to know each other before jumping into bondage, sado-masochism and power-play? Or are you just referring to "The Sexual Revolution" in general and the rise of casual sex?

Thank you for your insight by the way. It is appreciated even if I come across as very ignorant.

LvnGMommy​(dom female) • Oct 4, 2023

Hello sweetheart, so I read this feed and I was not surprised by the responses. Just how you described it, the online dynamic of subs and Doms can be a lot to take in. Trust me I come across people all the time I both the sub and Dom roles that only have one person in mind. Themselves. I on the other hand have happily found my own path in this lifestyle and I really don't care if people agree with my approach. I consider myself a Dom but that does not mean I care about my subs AND treat them with respect. I know it's hard to find that one person who will be a good match for you but don't give up. They are out there. You just have to sift thru the BS. And don't let your inexperience with this lifestyle deter you from what your seeking. Even the most experienced Dom/Sub started somewhere. I know I don't know everything there is too know yet either. I like to see my experience with each person I encountered in this lifestyle as a learning experience. And if I'm not interested in someone after talking to them then I just move on. I can't tell you how many times I've come across someone I didn't want to ever talk to again. But then there are the ones that I'm very grateful for meeting. I hope you find that special person to help you on your journey and yes .. HAVE FUN doing it!!