Sincorrigible(sub female)
|
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
I've known many folk who do 24/7, and lived a 24/7 dynamic myself.
It's simply a codified way of structuring your relationship. Who wears the pants? Makes the calls? As you settle into one, just as in a vanilla relationship, the intensity of that first frantic energy etc, settles. You find your balance, and you grow into it. Just like in the vanilla world, most ds relationships don't endure. For about as many reasons. Kink is rarely enough to sustain an ongoing rewarding and healthy relationship. The kinky sex scenes are, as others have said, the icing on the cake. No one, but no one, I know who did or does 24/7 can sustain the intensity. You'd keel over. |
|
|
Online now
Sololoquy
|
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
Bunnie wrote: I don’t tend to see 24/7 as constant kink. For me it means that our dynamic is the foundational mesh of our relationship. Everything, even when working, or with friends, or sitting on the couch watching a movie, centres around the fact that He is Sir and leads, and I am me, and follow.
To me personally, “scenes” are a planned session and occur with whatever frequency is desired, whereas everyday spatterings of kink within our daily life are simply “normality.” The dynamic itself (the power exchange) is always there, built into our daily fibre through both “protocol” and simple agreement, regardless of what’s occurring in everyday life. So, although it’s not an ongoing daily basis of intensity, it is still always at the forefront and centre of my mind and actions. Hopefully this makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. It doesn't help that kink isn't really something that you get a whole lot of realistic portrayal of anywhere, unless you actually engage with a community like this. When you say the power dynamic exchange is always there, would that apply to absolutely everything then? |
|
|
|
Sololoquy
|
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
Sincorrigible wrote: I've known many folk who do 24/7, and lived a 24/7 dynamic myself.
It's simply a codified way of structuring your relationship. Who wears the pants? Makes the calls? As you settle into one, just as in a vanilla relationship, the intensity of that first frantic energy etc, settles. You find your balance, and you grow into it. Just like in the vanilla world, most ds relationships don't endure. For about as many reasons. Kink is rarely enough to sustain an ongoing rewarding and healthy relationship. The kinky sex scenes are, as others have said, the icing on the cake. No one, but no one, I know who did or does 24/7 can sustain the intensity. You'd keel over. Thanks - that all makes a lot of sense. I guess that since I'd already assumed that it couldn't possibly be that intense all the time, my next immediate thought was how people manage the between times and balance that with scenes. Is it just the power exchange dynamic that continues? Like, the Domme telling the sub to make her dinner or, I don't know, just more mundane or non-sexual stuff - choosing what to wear, going to the shop for milk, watching a film etc. If it's a D/s dynamic, I can get this more. But how would a bondage/discipline dynamic differ? Or a sadist/masochist one? |
|
|
|
Sincorrigible(sub female)
|
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
There is no formula. Like in any relationship, of whatever flavour, you build what you like. Have whatever rules, rituals, behaviours etc you like.
I think it's very hard when you are new to all this not to be blown away by perceptions of blogs, writing, visuals. I certainly had this... Image of a totally different world where beauty's castle, story of O, were a constant reality for some. Then you learn that we all actually live in the real world. (bar perhaps an incredibly wealthy few??) So your images and perceptions settle into reality. There is no 'ideal'. You create your own, tempered by real life restrictions and requirements. Most of us have jobs, families, kids, friends, bills, health concerns, mortgages, rent, shit to deal with. Our relationships, with self and others, have to ebb and flow to encompass all of that. We don't live 24/7 fantasy. |
|
|
|
Sololoquy
|
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
Sincorrigible wrote: There is no formula. Like in any relationship, of whatever flavour, you build what you like. Have whatever rules, rituals, behaviours etc you like.
I think it's very hard when you are new to all this not to be blown away by perceptions of blogs, writing, visuals. I certainly had this... Image of a totally different world where beauty's castle, story of O, were a constant reality for some. Then you learn that we all actually live in the real world. (bar perhaps an incredibly wealthy few??) So your images and perceptions settle into reality. There is no 'ideal'. You create your own, tempered by real life restrictions and requirements. Most of us have jobs, families, kids, friends, bills, health concerns, mortgages, rent, shit to deal with. Our relationships, with self and others, have to ebb and flow to encompass all of that. We don't live 24/7 fantasy. It's definitely challenging as a newbie to see the wood for the trees. Would you say that a 24/7 lifestyle is all that dissimilar to a vanilla relationship, save for the structure and power dynamic both in and out of the bedroom? It seems like there's usually a comparison bias where we look at all the mundane stuff of a vanilla life versus all the fantastical stuff of a BDSM life and see a way more extreme difference than if we were to compare like with like. I get that BDSM relationships aren't a monolith and won't all look the same. |
|
|
Bunnie
|
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
Sololoquy wrote: That makes a lot of sense. It doesn't help that kink isn't really something that you get a whole lot of realistic portrayal of anywhere, unless you actually engage with a community like this. When you say the power dynamic exchange is always there, would that apply to absolutely everything then? As to your first point, I agree. To address your question: It does apply to absolutely everything for us, however, how that may “present” always varies. Ultimately (through shared agreement), it’s simply He has final say. |
|
|
|
Sincorrigible(sub female)
|
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
Life is mundane. Regardless your kink.
We all seek magic in our own ways. We all seek our own special ways to create joy and connection in our lives. Put at its simplest, bdsm is nothing more than that. If you think it is, just look at happiness and relationship longevity in kink/non kink. No difference. |
|
|
| ThomasVa |
6 months ago •
Oct 11, 2023
Sincorrigible wrote: Life is mundane. Regardless your kink.
We all seek magic in our own ways. We all seek our own special ways to create joy and connection in our lives. Put at its simplest, bdsm is nothing more than that. If you think it is, just look at happiness and relationship longevity in kink/non kink. No difference. Amen, well said. |
|
|
I'mME
|
6 months ago •
Oct 12, 2023
ThomasVa wrote: Purĕ wrote: I just talked yesterday to a dear Dom of mine.
We talked a bit about his sub and their relationship. They live together and all this 24/7 thing. When I asked what would be if he decides she wouldn't be enough as a sub anymore, if they would break up or go into a vanilla relationship I was shocked that he doesn't even consider her a Girlfriend and that they would just go separate ways. Maybe I was here naive, but I always thought in my loveydovey head that 24/7 or even a Reallife D/s wouldn't be possible without considering my Dom as a partner in all crimes 
But as TopekaDom said, 24/7 is hard. And in my eyes also not really possible when both parties have also a (fulltime) job. (in case nothing I wrote makes sense, I just woke up and my brain is still asleep) I use to be amazed when I would look at a dynamic, D/s being 24/7 Or long distance , that it was not always what you saw. Most subs would think it it was the most important thing in the world. Where the Dominant had a different view. Whether it being poor communication on both ends or just one not being truthful. I think most people in this kind of relationship would be surprised how the other answered with the question…..How committed are you to this relationship? Who am I fooling? Most people in any relationship would be surprised. ThomasVa, People that don't get to know each other before agreeing to be in a relationship MAY be suprised at the others answer for how they view each other. I logically know several of the "whys" people jump into things, but there is a big part of me that makes me shake my head when I run across or into the aftermath of not communicating and just jumping. |
|
|