My big question as a sub

My big question as a sub

skullfacegirl • Oct 15, 2023

I have been a sub in a sub/dom relationship for the past 2 years. My dom has been transitioning us into a master/slave relationship. I of course agreed to the change, but he's become more strict on things I can't influence, for example the number of clients I see at work as more clients = more money.

He does understand that I can't increase my workload without clients coming to me but he still has it as a part of my rules.

How can I be a good slave/sub if I can't complete my rules daily and if I can't complete them how do I find the motivation to do the rules I can do without the satisfaction or reward of completing them?

Notely • Oct 15, 2023

He needs to hold space for you and respect your needs and support you with goals and dreams and work.
Time and place for everything: time for play and time for work time for rest. But you're working to make more money to secure your life. Make sure you're going to be Ok you have to be on Boss mode you still need to be the Women in yourself. That Master/slave relationship can't always be always 24/7. You still gotta live in reality or it'll be pretty boring. You need to be able to do things together, go out and also do vanilla things as bdsm more for later also. Just like a contract it can be broken at any time things can change just as your role. If you feel like things are not right, speak up and you also hold the key with your person. It's a two way street not about one person that pleases he also needs to please you win your over and earn your submission. If he demands orders all the time you need to put your foot down, speak up, say this not right. You may need to change as your normal person during the day and as a sub and slave in the bedroom you can have more than one role many have done this way. He really can not change everything about you. He is willing to give up his life for you and go work and support you and him because a good feminine dominant would just take care you would have to question him. It takes grown to respect a slave submissive. It's their responsibility to take care of you and them to lead and show you the way to allow you to grow. At times you gotta be bad as Women as submissive have natural traits to be strong as in the workplace but they should be happy even be part of you are a woman who do alot things on her own. They should be the same reflection as you of being masculine to keep you safe and feel protected. Still need consent in the D/s relationship. If he expects you to do these things need to be light on you not have you walking on eggshells he needs to straighten his ass up. You can love a man but they need to to be on the same page or it's nothing. Never let anyone walk all over you even in a relationship. It has to be about two people: communication and trust and openness. You need to have a say both ways or thier is no love, nothing to continue. Women up for your needs as Goddess you are your Boss in your work he should be proud of you and cherishing you. He should be saying how my sexy sub is when you get out of work. A woman needs to be romanced and dined and pleasured to keep a woman. Cause if they give crap they better expect crap coming back spoo pop in their hand. You're already doing a lot taking care of yourself and making the money and he better be motivated to keep you or you could be out the door. He should be cooking and cleaning greeting the beauty he got not demanding right away but willing to wait and be patience for the bedroom love.  Bdsm also not all sex it's also can be cuddle talk and kiss at times.  He should be emotionally invested in you to keep you. 




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Notely • Oct 15, 2023

You also have needs to be meant they want you to please they need to please your mind and soul also to even be more intimate.

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Notely • Oct 15, 2023

Support is in view of head of the household would say. Well.. It should not be counted as preference. I prefer, what my wife Prefer.
If she want to stay at home and build my home... I would love it.
And if she want to pursue her career and want to work on her skills .... I would support her with love. Not for just financial Support ..but for her dreams, I would Support her.
So, I Prefer What my Life-Partner Prefer!! They wanna paddle you daily to keep you in line it’s their job to teach you what they like you show them what you like , reward you give you after care and reward you at all times . No relationship is perfect they need to love you through the thick and thin ride or die. You need breaks when your not feeling good you need your space also. Team work effect pick up each other even on sad days. If milk spills they should get bad they help you clean it up say gonna be Ok take you out for ice cream.

Miki • Oct 15, 2023

That should not extend beyond the household IMHO.

Also in these economic times, more income is always a good thing I would think.

lambsone • Oct 15, 2023

I have always felt that until there is a ring on my finger and a solid legal marriage commitment, I make the rules concerning my income. Until then he can only make suggestions. If the Dom isn't paying my bills, medical or otherwise, they have no right to interfere in how I do the job that supports me. When you are on the job, you are subject to the person or company that provides your income, even if you are the boss as a freelance worker. While on the job, we each have the ethical responsibility of doing what's expected of us and what we are paid for. If you respectfully discuss this with him, and he still makes demands, or punishes you for not obeying him, then I would leave him. And that's not being unsubmissive, that's being practical. After all some day he may decide that you don't suit his purposes anymore, and where would that leave you? Stranded and not as well situated as you could have been. Just my two cents.

Re: My big question as a sub

fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected} • Oct 15, 2023

You asked how you can be a good slave/sub if you can't complete your daily tasks.

There is a kind of Dom that will give impossible tasks with the expectation their sub will fail. How that can be rewarding for the sub, I couldn't say. I suppose the fun might be in the funishments. For me though, if I am set up to fail, I don't find it rewarding.

Also for me, I don't do financial service. It sounds like your dynamic is edging in that direction?

Communicate your concerns and ask your Dom for clarity. Hopefully you find a way to explore together that balances your needs and his desires.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2023

The question becomes: Why is he limiting access to your clients.

Is he doing it out out structure for you or could be on account of jealousy?

If you have agreed to move your relationship from a D/s one to a more structured M/s one, then it could be you are out of luck. Being collared property can be very much the same as being married. You have pledged yourself to him. The collar is as strong as a ring on a finger.

However, seperating is much simpler.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} • Oct 15, 2023

I think this is a case of having some more detailed conversations about what is and isn’t up for being part of the dynamic. Just because you enter into a M/s relationship it doesn’t mean you have to 100% give everything up. It is (should be) a negotiated arrangement.

For example: Daddy and I want full transparency and control on anything and everything (eventually) but that stops with my work. I often have to work under an NDA and even if I’m not I have to keep records to my eyes only. Thus, my work laptop is off limits and the only way to open it is with Face ID.

I told him in the beginning that this is how it would have to be and so it is. Had he not agreed to this (and other things) I wouldn’t have continued with becoming his property.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Oct 15, 2023

This is a good question. I would never dream of limiting someone's ability to make income; in fact, I always err on the side of caution with someone who wants to enter into an M/s relationship because some out there do it solely for financially motivated reasons ("Oh! I'm a house slave and no longer have to work a 9/5!")

If that arrangement is desired or needed for structure, that's one thing. If it's done to hobble your growth and personal development, that's another. I think everyone needs to work, to have a purpose outside the dynamic - if only to have something to do during the day and keep you entertained and engaged with the world. I know everyone's situation is different but if you're already feeling uncomfortable at the beginning, you should have a chat and discuss the purpose of the rules limiting your work.

And remember a slave contract isn't without end, no matter what anyone tells you. You're free to unlock yourself and walk free any time you like.