Dom's treatment of Dommes here

Dom's treatment of Dommes here

timesrtuff​(dom female) • Dec 5, 2023

In my first active day on the site, I have been approached by several polite and respectful subs. Alternately, I have had several Doms approach me with an obscene lack of manners, demanding and not asking, not treating me as an equal, and even asking if I would try the "other side." One subject heading was even "I don't mean to be rude..." Have any others had this experience here?

Not all have been rude but the majority have. To the few who were not, thank you.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Dec 5, 2023

I would say that those that are attempting to turn you are not really Doms but players looking to get laid.

Now that is not to say there is a great deal of sexism that goes on within the Lifestyle, cuz there is. But those of us who really know what we are doing tend to treat Dommes as equals. There are some who would kick my ass if I tried anything differently (One would even shoot me in the ass with a crossbow bolt if I went after her like that).

So welcome to the club and pay pay those goofballs no attention.

Or better still: Tell them "You first"

timesrtuff​(dom female) • Dec 5, 2023

We discussed manners most of all. And hello fellow Kansan

Re: Dom's treatment of Dommes here

Heero​(dom male) • Dec 6, 2023

I liked TopekaDom's answer, and share his sentiment in welcoming you to the club.

My response is by no means mutually exclusive to your fellow Kansan, but is just a part of my theory as to what might explain the behavior.

I think there's a selection bias in that the kind of person who'd want to turn you would likely be one not completely respectful of your position--they want to change your position after all. This is also the kind of dom most likely to reach out to you.

In my experience, Dom(me)s rarely reach out to other Dom(me)s, the ones respectful of your position (and I'm sure there are many) probably wouldn't take the time to message you in the first place.

If I see a Domme (or a lesbian or any other kind of person that precludes me having a relationship with them) I normally just leave them alone. To each their own, and I'm not their own. So I move on. I see little need in trying to change anyone to be interested in me who isn't already open to the idea generally. I would hazard a guess that many self-confident Dom(me)s are similar.

On the rare occasion I reach out to such persons, it's to do something like compliment a well-written profile or simply ask something about their profile that I'm curious about.

Unfortunately, it's not JUST about your position. There are doms who approach subs with a lack of respect also, and demand things rudely and prematurely. They exist, and it's best just to ignore them or block them.

timesrtuff​(dom female) • Dec 6, 2023

Thank you for ringing in. You both are shining examples

Miki • Dec 7, 2023

Usually these tend to be guys who are either rank amateurs, totally new to this, or are "kink curious" who come in, armed with the misinformation generated by "outside looking in" things such as "50 Shades" and so-forth and assume they got it all figured out. An example would be one of these characters runs into an unannatched sub and opens with shit like "Hey there. Nice to meet you. Kneel, Slave!" -- and think that is something that actually works.

Anyway as written by others, best you can do with "Rude Dogs" (I meant "doms") is either inform them that they nered to learn more about this if they want any successful dynamics, or just ignore them. Once they see no one takes the bait, they go away.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Dec 8, 2023

Not much more to add beyond what the other esteemed gentlemen and the always awesome Miki said above, aside from welcome .

Once you get past the initial charlatans and “asshats”, it’s not a bad place. There are a good number of really decent people here I enjoy reading and chatting with.

timesrtuff​(dom female) • Dec 8, 2023

Thank you both Miki and Literate Lycan

Purĕ​(sub female) • Dec 8, 2023

It's already "tough" here as female sub, so i only can imagine what for weird messages Dommes become 🫢

Just get the cane out and show them their place 🤩

Welcome to the craziness ☆

SchrodingersDinosaur​(switch female) • Dec 8, 2023

Sad thing is, Pure, they’d likely enjoy it. The types that will gang-rush any new profile with a vagina aren’t likely as truly Dominant as just horny. They will try for anything they can get.

As the other folks mentioned, Timesrtuff, it’s just like meeting people in a bar. The drunken rude poorly behaved children (yes, they most definitely can still be children even if over the legal age chronologically) are the ones coming up and spilling beer on you while trying to get your number. There’s plenty of mature decent folk here too, sitting in the back patiently, making convo and getting to know the other decent kinky types about.

Welcome to the weirdness and wonderful mess that is Cage!
~ Henna