Indicators that Someone is Likely a Dom

Berren • Dec 12, 2023

fluffypoppet and xaiverc thank you for your comments. I've received a lot of suggestions from you and others that diverge from my normal logic and those suggestions have merit. I'm glad I posed the original question.

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Dec 12, 2023

Or you could ask them.

SchrodingersDinosaur​(switch female) • Dec 12, 2023

Wow, that sounds like such a great idea….perhaps not so much…

Berren, I’m with you on the idea that your subbie friend might be better served to avoid intraoffice liaisons, particularly of the Lifestyle variety, as sadly there can be unpleasant fallout from even positive interactions (I’m thinking of the poor young lady who recently posted about her *friends* turning her Dom in for *abusing* her and other similar outcomes we hear about too often).

As you observed in your own history though, Berren, sometimes those connections just do happen organically. If this is one of those situations I am of the belief that if the gentleman is actually 1. legitimately Dominant and 2. Is interested in any interaction of the kinky variety with someone he works with (for reasons above or any other possible concerns he may have) the onus is on the left side of the slash. She can certainly show her *tells*, the obsequiousness, the subtle respectful flirtiness, etc. I see it as another mark of his ability to be a leader, rather than forcing the submissive to lead the dance, as it were.

The snark at the intro was because the idea of a Dominant not being cognizant of the potential dangers to a submissive (particularly a female one) nonchalantly disclosing a non typical sexual appetite to a co-worker that she really knows very little about distresses me.

Well, what could possibly be the harm in being truthful and upfront about the fact that you enjoy being someone’s possession and are very much into what the normies consider abuse and misogyny. We are all adults, right? She can just say no if she doesn’t want something, right?

Sadly that’s not the way the world works in case any male variety self appointed dominant types aren’t aware. And it’s not just the boys club that could potentially see her as an easy target and may well talk amongst themselves (the obvs she’s a slut if she does that stuff so it’s okay to take advantage of her type bullshit), the female co-workers who could use that info to bully, other her, or proselytize about how our mothers didn’t fight for the right to vote for her to willing allow men to abuse her, to actually impacting her career. HR departments tend to steer clear of anything that could be *difficult* so legal or not, opportunities for advancement may just not materialize.

Would be cool if we could all just live the way we want to, out loud and proud, though. Maybe someday.
~ Henna

Miki • Dec 12, 2023

RE Alphabydesign's suggestion--- IMHO:

Coming straight out and asking the dude such a question on a first personal get-together outside the work environment might yield good results. Might...

In all honesty and in only my opinion it is something best left to subsequent meet-ups, if any. "Might" is something best left for a trip to a casino.

It can't hurt for each to get to know the other more before introducing that topic.

For all anyone knows, even the most dashing, masculine-looking tough-guy who seems like he could be into all kinds of physical/outdoor activity or in the gym during his time off --- could also spend time on weekends knitting shawls with his mother.

You don't know what you don't know.

Both "should" spend additional quality time, read the room as it were, then introduce the idea if he doesn't do so first. (Which in today's society of quieter, more "enlightened" males-- isn't all that likely.)

I know I would never have brought that up in first-meetings, unless at a bar, club, or other place where it is the overlying theme.

Berren • Dec 13, 2023

SchrodingersDinosaur and Miki: Eloquent, thoughtful, helpful. Thank you both.

Miki • Dec 14, 2023

Thanx..

"Eloquent".. Must be SchrodingersDinosaur

I have my moments but I'm hardly the greatest wordsmith in here.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Dec 15, 2023

Interesting and amusing discussion. Many of the queues that might lead one to believe another is dominant in the professional world don't necessarily equate to being dominant in the personal world.

I am aware of World leaders who, when the lights go down, return home to be the submissive - allowing someone else to make all life choices. I am friends with more than one nurse who runs their hospital ward, but when they return home, desire nothing more than to kneel and relinquish all authority to someone they trust. (Laughing at knitting shawls with his mother comment above - love the sense of humor - or humour for the Canadians ).

I especially support and like Miki's comment above: It can't hurt for each to get to know the other more before introducing that topic.

As for my own history, years ago, I was literally gaming online (World of Warcrack) and another player started gaming with me. After a few weeks of online gaming, we continued to team up and one day she mentioned to me that she felt I was "a" Dominant (not just dominant). I agreed . . . and then asked, "In what way?" Big time for the introduction to the lifestyle. And it's been a journey of discovery ever since. I don't game online anymore, but she could see that in me even in just the online interactions.

Agree with letting things happen organically. Sooner or later, the obvious tells come out stronger. And then you can enjoy an interesting conversation over a cup of coffee.

Miki • Dec 15, 2023

Dammmit Mister Werewolf.. Can you condense all that shit?? Please??

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Dec 15, 2023

Do what Miki and SchrodingersDinosaur recommend.