Meeting Up!

Meeting Up!

Scarlett Sophie​(sub female) • Jan 4, 2024

Hi everyone!
I’ve been rather curious as of late where fellow kinksters have the most luck meeting other kinky folk? I’ve had decent luck with the Cage, but know there are so many other sources of connection out there - apps, munches, clubs, other websites, and so on!
I look forward to hearing what’s worked for you, and also what hasn’t (if you feel like sharing)!
Best wishes,
Sophie

lambsone • Jan 4, 2024

When I initially became interested in BDSM, 24 years ago now, I was just doing a private Google search out of curiosity. I just wanted to learn what it was, but a Christian BDSM web page popped up, and I discovered they were for the most part coming from a Born Again Christian Perspective incorporating BDSM, Kink, D/s, etc into their relationships. So I joined and put up a profile and personal ad, then participated in the chat room and forums, hoping to find a partner and increase my understanding of the lifestyle. I never found someone suitable there though.

During that time I also had a personal ad at a different Kink website whose name I can't remember, and I found a Dominant there that I thought I'd be compatible with who wasn't a Christian. His ad indicated that he was open to developing a permanent relationship if it occured. We were together part-time for a year. I developed feelings for him, but he didn't develop them for me. In fact he told me not to love him. I tried not to but it got too overwhelming and tortuous for me so I told him that I needed to move on since I was looking for a permanent relationship.

While with him I attended a local BDSM weekend conference in a hotel not far from me. There were general lectures and also individual demos. My Dom didn't want to go to it, so I went alone. I also discovered some groups in my general area where I thought I might find someone but never got around to attending them before I gave up on everything.

After that I got very discouraged and developed the attitude that this lifestyle was just another way for men to take advantage of women. So I left it and began dating in a Vanilla capacity via a singles newspaper that I saw in the stores around town. I discovered several guys which ultimately didn't pan out after interacting with one another. So I threw up my hands and completely gave up, determined to remain single.

In August of this year, I had a very strong urge to get back into BDSM and see if I might find a Born Again Christian Dom/Master. I knew this would be like looking for a needle in a haystack, but thought I'd give it one more try. So I yelled and I mean YELLED at God and said"I can't believe an all powerful, all knowing being couldn't find just ONE man in this whole wide world that I'd be compatible with. I had 7 qualities that I needed to have in a man and told Him that. Well I guess He was listening, and I found the cage, got contacted by various Doms and contacted some myself and eventually through much agoinizing prayer for direction, narrowed the field to the Dom I am now talking to. Yes he has those 7 qualities plus other surprises in background/personality that I didn't know I needed, but discovered after conversing with him for awhile.

So that brings me up to the present. I don't know where I'll end up as that story still has to be written yet. He has told me that I can talk to other dominants so I have to have him clarify his reasons for saying that. After 5 broken engagements by me or the guy, I hold to the philosophy that nothing is permanent until it's permanent. I'll have to wait and see how things turn out.

That's my story.

Steellover​(sub male) • Jan 5, 2024

Well, I hope it turns out for you. You deserve that special someone. If it doesn't end up being this guy,- and I hope it does, if you are into him, then I hope another one comes along that not only has those seven qualities, but that shares a mutual romantic interest with you.

lambsone • Jan 5, 2024

Thank you Steellover, that's sweet of you to say that.

BTW I did get clarification from my Dom about him saying I could talk to other Doms. I thought he might be kicking me to the curb, but he wasn't. He just recognized that I interact here at the cage, and even have some friends here and didn't want to take that from me. I'm relieved ... I can have a vivid imagination and I usually think the worst, putting myself through hell that I don't have to experience.

Steellover​(sub male) • Jan 5, 2024

I've had trouble finding partners, both for kink and for romance. Even in the vanilla world, it's hard for most guys here living in the area where I do (where most people are coupled up early on) and as far as kink and femdom- that is a hard limit for just about everyone so it makes it doubly hard. In the past I've paid a pro domme for play, but as I've described in other threads that typically doesn't end well and after a recent experience, I plan to shy away from that in the future.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 5, 2024

When I was active, I stuck exclusively with IRL. ---Not that I was ever in, or given to, being in a relationship besides busting some cheap bed springs with whomever I was with on a given night--- One night at a time.

I missed out on all that but I'm told dudes get off on noisy cheap-ass beds, or the noise the fucking things are when serious humping is going on.

I never could go with the Online scene. Even if I were seeking a non-BDSM connection, I stick with those I'm already familiar with.


But that's just me.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Jan 12, 2024

My first encounter with a Dom was online. Everyone has a vibe both online and in person - if you talk to someone long enough I have found that vibe to be the same in person. Online connections can be As intense, intimate and enjoyable as in person- they are simply different in sensation. Though I am enthusiastic about adventure, moving slow has provided the most fulfilling experiences in any case. I am an hour away from four large cities in different directions. I access a wide variety of people in person And maintain my privacy by not meeting local. I attend munches, sloshes, socials and educational events. It is so nice to meet people in person with whom I can talk about kink and bdsm! As far as luck, I need engaging conversation to begin an interest. Because of this I have found more on the net. ( the pond is bigger and there are more choices)

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 12, 2024

I've been kinky and uninhibited since pre puberty and I discovered Drugs and Rock and Roll about the same time as I discovered Sex. From my late teens until my mid 30's I was in a variety of rock bands. Just like Steven Tyler lyrics for "Walk This Way" - I was a high school loser, now I've made it with the ladies. Chicks dig guys in rock bands without really caring one bit for the guy. . .groupie-ism is it's own fetish I think. I often fucked some chick after a show that was only with me so I'd introduce her to the rest of the band. . .and give her free drugs. What that all means is that for those years when a man usually has his best years and women look at him as potential partnership, I had the added advantage of being a rocker and never had to try, there was a steady stream of willing pussy. The longer I stayed in that lifestyle the more jaded and kinky I became. . .this is when I really started looking for pain sluts and submissives. . . . .but the years of drugs and alcohol were also taking a toll and my family forced me into rehab about every two year during the late 80's, into the 90's - both of these put a damper on my lucky streak. Now over 18 years sober - other than THC edibles

When I finally sobered up in 1996 - I was placed in a halfway house in a larger city than I was used to. Now with a clear head and a healthier body I quickly found the community and through attending those events and participating, volunteering to help with organizing and offering my skills for education I quickly developed a solid reputation in that area. I met a newbie one night and we hit it off and became a couple - sort of the local community's power couple - we hosted munches, toy building workshops, safety classes, safe play classes, hosted public fetish events and public play events as well as building two dungeons for private play parties. She and I also knew a Pro Domme that would rent us her world class dungeon for private weekend long play and more events a couple times per year.

During that time from 1997 to 2014 when I moved to where I now live - I watched the local community grow from a handful of random stragglers into a growing number of regular attendees that were able to split into multiple new and specific groups. I met, befriended and scened with dozens of people during that time. I am a firm believer in meeting people through the local community, but it takes perseverance and some hard work if that community is small or fragmented. Most larger cities would have an established community with wide ranging fetishes and interests making finding a compatible partner much easier.

Now I live in a small town over 200 miles away from Minneapolis, but close enough to Duluth, Bemidji and Brainerd and attend occasional munches or events in one of those small community groups. I have been a member of Fetlife and have had luck through that site. Used to use Alt or Adult Friend Finder - but the results were poor at best, yes I met people, but nothing panned out.

I have a Blog on BDSMLR - and have been messaging and chatting with some pain sluts and heavy bottoms - but so far they all live a long ways away

I joined The Cage because fetlife seems to have gone too political. . .and it spoils my perving when I see political arguments on a kink site.

CherryDrop​(sub female) • Jan 13, 2024

I've met Doms and subs online and in person, I wear jewelry and clothes with phrases and symbols that are bdsm obvious to fellow kinksters that know them- So from time to time I would be approached by a sub or a Dom and when we clicked we would have a fling or be friends. Online I was the one searching for a dom or sub to gab with some were sites specifically for kinksters like the Cage, or random groups and chat rooms with a few kinky people present. Not all of My experiences were the safest or the best but that's kinda how putting yourself out there and seeking goes anyhow

Scarlett Sophie​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2024

Thanks to everyone who replied I really appreciate hearing all your different stories and perspectives. Getting to talk to other's who share the same (and different, in many cases!) desires, taboos, and experiences is what lead me to the Cage in the first place. Some day, I would love for that to expand into the quote-on-quote real world, and hearing how some of y'all have done that is reassuring!

Thanks again for sharing!!