Addressing Other Master/Dommes

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Jan 17, 2024

Some people can and do go a bit too hard with honorifics when they don't know you and it can be bewildering, especially if they're trying to get collared quickly by anyone with a heartbeat.

If anyone ever lays it on a little too thick I just tell 'em "Baby we don't know each other that well yet, but I appreciate the gesture."

As for a catch-all term for nonbinary folks that's the equiv. of Sir or Ma'am, there just isn't one. I know some people use Mx, or "Miks", others will just use their title like "Dominant [name]". If you don't know, it's never harmful to ask someone their preferred way of being addressed. There are so many flavors out there and I feel like showing an interest and taking the care to make others feel accepted and respected will almost always be seen as a good thing!

Yuan​(dom female) • Jan 17, 2024

I used to adress people as Mr and Ms and Sir or Ma'am (if they are way older than me) (like I usually do with strangers). To me , it's just being polite and respectful whether be it in vanilla or dynamics , online or offline.

Though I later figured out that things might work a bit differently here. Here people generally adress with profile name . If it's too big then just a short form.

But if I contact personally then I would use what they prefer to be addressed as . But yeah I don't like to adress someone or be called as Master or Mistress (that's way too personal )

"When in Rome , do as the Romans do"
First of all check if there's a preferred way they want to be addressed. Or you can just go for profile names . But if you are used to adress someone as Sir or Ma'am go for it but make it clear that you are being polite and respectful and it doesn't mean anything else.

aPeepingMom​(sub female) • Jan 17, 2024

Welcome back grumpy!

For the OP:
If you begin chatting with anyone and they immediately demand you address them with an honorific, you are well within your right to say that you are not comfortable using any honorifics at this time. If they persist, I would encourage you to consider that a red flag and disengage immediately. Anyone who makes any demands of you before you have agreed to engage in a formal dynamic is not someone who has YOUR best interest in mind. A respectful person will always be considerate of your comfort level.

But the same goes in the other direction. I would recommend you not start calling someone by an honorific until they have asked you to, and you are comfortable doing so. It is safest to refer to them as their screen name, or you may ask them how they would prefer to be addressed out of respect. If they ask you to address them as Domme or Mistress or Master, and YOU are comfortable doing so, then address away!

Just don’t hit up their DMs with instant “Hello Mistress, will you please dominant me and allow me to worship you as the goddess you are?”

chattel​(sub female) • Jan 17, 2024

In an email or private chat I do use an honorific, in public forums or chat I do not

Consent

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2024

This is a question of consent, because this discussion is within a kink context, not a day to day vanilla one, where people using madam, miss, or sir has a very different meaning and energy than that found in those situations where it might occur in a kink one.

I will reiterate again, and call me a prissy fuck if you like (very rude) it may have been the case in some peoples circumstances, groups, events/location attended - way back in the day - whenever that was, but there was no, repeat no universal way of doing things, much was situation, community, even country/town/city dependant, and protocols, rituals, greetings etc have no universality. To not qualify those 'back in the day' comments without qualifications, and context presents a disingenuous, misleading picture of how things were, and what is and isn't bdsm, lifestyle/culture practice. This is a problem.

I have no issue with people feeling sad/missing prior experiences/culture, group/friend environments. even wanting to recapture, recreate with other, note, other, like minded people, but presenting information about protcols, rituals as a universality, through poor or deliberate word choice I do take issue with. I have always and will always urge people to do their research and learn about the evolution, history and various cultures within bdsm, so they have an awareness of what has actually gone before, and not what some want to present as what went before, and should still be, because that's how it was back in the day, according to them, and if it isn't how it was back in the day, that its not bdsm, real bdsm. Gatekeeping and one twue wayism like this is a blite on everyone, as it creates mistruths and a mythology that helps no one seeking actual facts regarding bdsm, and this sort of thing can even be used to abuse people.

Consent is the backbone of ethical kink, informed consent, and the use of titles, either in general or specically is very much a consent issue. I don't think its prissy to require personal, both ways consent before a title is used by anyone on the slash, and the its just respectful to do so as a blanket misses the fact that titles is something that can be abused, and title use by some is their way of getting their rocks of (both bottoms and dominants), therefore play, something I don't personally want drawn into, whether in a pm inbox, chat room, or at a club or munch. I know some will say this doesn't happen, ohh yes it does, seen it and experienced it.

I don't think its prissy to offer advice regarding how titles can be abused, and a suggestion not to use them unless they are earned or specific to a dynamic. The number of people jumping into inboxs (and elswhere) demanding people use sir, master, mistress etc (even in nick names - remember someone once using every title you could think of, covering all the bases as a name) and informing people that is the right way to do things is wrong, there is no reason to do so unless you consent to it, after discussion or the person you use it to has consented.

ReanaP​(sub female) • Jan 22, 2024

I sometimes will address someone as Sir but it isn't a kink way, not all the time but sometimes if I haven't reached out or communicated with them before, or sometimes I just feel like putting it in
I'm in active service so to me it's quite natural to respond to someone as Sir or Ma'am
In a strange little way in my head, the Dom/mes are the Commissioned Officers of this site, they may not be the CO of my unit but they are a CO non the less, it would also depend on how they have interacted with me in motivated messages, blogs, or forum posts in the past

And I don't think I would ever want a Dom who wishes to be called Sir as my own because it would feel to much like work

I regularly will add Sir onto the end of their username, for instance i recently messaged a Dom with a question, and it was not suggestive towards them self at all

I wrote
Good morning "handle/nickname if they use one" Sir,
Can you explaining ...blah blah blah... To me

Re: Addressing Other Master/Dommes

Miki • Jan 29, 2024

Hm, if the first time, just say "Hi".

(Personally I'd say "Hey, Jack! How's it hangin'?" but that's just this brat being her usual smart-ass self.)

Seriously though, just because someone identifies in here or other twisted sites as a dominant or a sadist does not convey a requirement for one who is not their sub to use honorifics. We're all just people in here, or anywhere else for that matter and it's not disrespectful in the least. What would be disrespectful is for the few-and-far-between puff-chest dominant who believes all who identify as a sub or masochist to digitally kneel before them even on first contact.

Conversely, when you run into someone in a cop suit, you usually say "... Officer" or a dude wearing a priest get-up whom most would address as "Father" -- even if one is not a Catholic-- out of general respect.

Ditto for those women in nun regalia (don't blink, on my celibate course I might join the nuns myself to restore my purity and saintly past reputation!!) ---one would, out of respect address the potential witch as "Sister". [From what I have seen in my admittedly few travels, only the really old-school, retired ones still wear the full-blown nun costumes]

No, being a dominant should be no big deal to those who are not in a dynamic with them.

I'mME • Jan 31, 2024

ReanaP,

Active service is the reason why you use the word Sir! What does that mean?


Doms are the commissioned officers of this site?

This isn't the military, secondly, commissioned regarding the military meant/means they paid for for their rank. Usually associated with wealthy families.

We are all here on this platform as equals. Nobody deserves less respect (if that's what Sir and Ma'am) mean to you) than another.

I don't elevate people just because they hold a title, whether self-labeled or given by others.
Respect is earned. No matter the side of the slash .

ribbonbaby{Guarded} • Feb 1, 2024

I believe, I'mME,
That what she was saying is that her entire life IS military service. Meaning the habit of calling people by Sir and Ma'am has been so ingrained in her that it is second nature. And, there are plenty of people I know who use Sir and Ma'am as a sign of respect in everyday life.

Drinfear​(dom male){Owns PFP} • Feb 1, 2024

Many before have already answered your question, I believe, just wanted, also, to welcome you to the site and encourage you to ask more questions..