Submissive verses Slave

Submissive verses Slave

TwinkleEyes • Feb 25, 2024

So I’ve been getting a lot of action around here in the way of emails from men lately. One of the common questions that keeps coming up is are you a submissive or slave? Or some aversion of the question. This question can irritate me given the context or what is said around the question.

I have found it a very common theme for so-called dominants or masters on this website to not understand the difference between a slave and submissive. Often enough, they think a deep submissive is basically a brainless robot who will do whatever what they want. AKA slave.

When I look further on their profiles, or in the discussion, the terminology, slave and submissive are used interchangeably. As is the word, dominant and master. I think each are different and have their places

What I get from all of this is that so many are confused to what a slave is versus a submissive. Or they want the brainless twit because they lack self-control and so it makes them feel powerful and in control to control every little thing someone does.

Personally I am not attracted to someone who uses the word slave/submissive and/or Dominant/Master interchangeably. It shows a lack in personal knowledge of themselves, and what they need in a dynamic partner. Or it shows that it is a manipulative person that will try to maneuver a submissive into becoming a slave, even if they are not.

I’m wondering what the community thoughts are in using these words interchangeably, as if they mean the same thing.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Feb 25, 2024

I have had this issue as well, but from the perspective of a Female Dominant with male submissives/slaves not understanding that those two things are not interchangeable!

These roles are NOT the same, in my opinion. A submissive is someone who is actively engaging in a power exchange, usually for set periods, with strict boundaries (there is less likely a chance they are seeking a CNC or 24/7 situation, for example.)

Unlike some others I've met over the years, I do not buy into the belief that once a slave signs a contract, they lose the right to walk away. Consent can be revoked at any time, but a slave is usually what I classify as a very high-maintenance sort of situation. They are not seeking scenes; they do not want to engage in a simple power dynamic. They want, no, they *need* to live for someone else, which is completely fine. They need to find the right person to do that with.

But as a plain ol' Domme, this is not for me. I don't want to be on top of someone else, and I don't want someone underfoot; it sounds positively suffocating. I've met men calling themselves submissives in my time who were actually slaves, but once we had a chat about their desires and relationship goals, it wasn't hard to clock what they were aiming for. Then I met men who called themselves "Alpha Subs" who wanted to step all over me and told me it was my job to "tame them," lol. I already have a job, I'm good.

That being said, slaves are not "brainless robots." Neither are submissives. I have a feeling many of the people you've been engaging with were probably horned up just trying to slot you into their pre-existing fantasy, and that always sucks; been there. When you find the right one, they will pay as much attention to what YOU want in the relationship as THEY do. It's a power exchange, after all. YOU are supposed to be getting something out of it.

TwinkleEyes • Feb 25, 2024

I agree that a slave isn’t brainless twit. Often they are very intelligent.

One of the gentleman who asked this question the other day just wanted to know where I was it on my journey. He is looking for his mate in an honorable way. Though at the end of the convo I got the feeling he still thinks that a submissive further in their journey is closer to a slave.

I know I’m a submissive. I do have slave tendencies. It would take a long term relationship for those. No matter how deep my submission goes for someone I will never be their slave.

My favorite playmate that I’ve ever had believes himself to be a submissive and tried to convince me I was a Domme. lol He is a brat calling himself an “Alpha Submissive”.

I myself thought I was a brat and then a masochist at one point. Through deep reflection, reading, researching, and talking with others I have come to realize that I am a submissive with other tendencies, such as brat and masochist.

Spanks hard​(dom male){Looking } • Feb 25, 2024

As a Dominant/Master I have had submissives/slaves to treat me as if owned them after a few messages when I didn't say anything about owning them they went on to ask me to tell them what I wanted them to do and be direct in the details. And I do not think that just I have a slave girl that she would be exspected to serve or to do whatever I want her to do in fear of being beaten into submission some of the so called Dominant/Master's think with the wrong brain.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Feb 25, 2024

OoOoOoOoOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Now there is a debate that has been going on for decades now.

The thing is this: Pretty much all definitions of things within the lifestyle is up for debate, depending with whom you are discussing with.

For some (particularly those that have no clue) slave is a blanket term for someone who is "no limits" (which itself is pure crap, but will discuss in a later thread) and it naked, chained in a semi damp basement somewhere (see aforementioned pure crap). Submissive is everyone else who should drop to their knees when a D walks into a room.

Now for me, Submissive: someone who chooses to serve under me for any given length of time. Slave: is a collared submissive.

Simple really.

Don't even get me started on "Submissive Slave". It is too early in the morning to get into that.

Spanks hard​(dom male){Looking } • Feb 25, 2024

I agree with Topeka very much

Cello Trance • Feb 25, 2024

How about friend? Thats a good thing

Steellover​(sub male) • Feb 25, 2024

It seems like there are different understandings and variations of the terms, and I suppose they mean different things to different people, but to me: Being a "slave" is less about kink/fetish/erotic sex play and more about being a slave in the "classical" definition of the word. That is, an unpaid indentured servant who considers themselves the "property" of their dominant, who lives to do chores for someone else and derives satisfaction from doing so. Whereas a submissive is more about D/s play. The degree of protocols and levels of submission, from part time to 24/7, varies depending on what both partners mutually agree to.

QuietIsNotShy​(dom male) • Feb 26, 2024

I can't necessarily tell from your original post if what you have experienced has come from this site's community or not, but I do understand your frustration. I think the first thing that I might advise is to remember that a lot of people come here to learn - not everyone here is knowledgeable about the many facets of BDSM.

To answer your question, no, I don't think slave/submissive or dom/master/mistress should be considered exchangeable. From what I understand, a slave is a subtype of submissive where the dynamic tends to involve more power/control exchange. Some people have no desire to be a slave even though they identify as submissives; some do. It's similar to how being a "little" is a subtype of submissive, but they're aren't necessarily the same.

However, it should be noted that just because someone identifies as a slave does not mean they want to be in a relationship in which they are expected to mindlessly obey or follow commands. A few slaves do want this; the closest term to this that I can think of would be TPE (total power exchange). However, I assume that even in those relationships, mindlessness might not preferred by the slaves. In BDSM, a slave is a term that doesn't necessarily mean this level of obedience, but rather that someone has surrendered their "freedom" (legally, not really) willingly to a master/mistress that they trust completely. The surrender in itself is both arousing and comforting; allowing someone else to be in charge, to take responsibility, to make decisions, etc. Like most submissives, just to a deeper level, slaves experience comfort in having no responsibility.

I reiterate my previous point that just because people are a part of this community doesn't necessarily mean they are very knowledgeable - that doesn't mean a lack of knowledge of who they are or what they want in a partner, either, necessarily. Some come here to learn in addition to connecting with others and/or finding a partner. I wouldn't necessarily say that nobody wants to feel powerful and in control, but I don't assume that dominants who enjoy this type of relationship lack self-control themselves. It's just a subtly-different dynamic, and many masters and mistresses are very caring toward their slaves. It's a big responsibility, and if you want to make sure that relationship stays healthy, you have to respect your slave(s) even when they choose to give up more control than most submissives. I couldn't give you numbers or data because I haven't researched this kind of thing, but I'm sure there are plenty that want such healthy relationships, and then there are those who (unfortunately) are thinking only of themselves.

I will say this: most submissives are distinctly sensitive to manipulation, believe it or not. They have their boundaries and while many might be willing to explore past those with gentle encouragement, manipulative behavior will be quickly seen for what it is. Once that kind of trust has been broken, it can be exceedingly difficult to repair it.

Re: Submissive verses Slave

Sir​(dom male){taken} • Feb 27, 2024

Perhaps, since you feel so strongly there is a difference, you could explain what you think is the difference between sub and slave, dominant and master. The only thing you mentioned is that you feel "slave" is demeaning and implies fewer brain cells, and a dom who does not believe there are stark differences between these two sets of terms is a manipulative person.