D types as mentors

shebakesalot​(sub female) • Mar 30, 2024

Oooooh I love this dialog! I agree with what has already been mentioned: like should mentor like. Now, I have several Dominant friends I go to for advice/guidance, but don't think I'd ever seek out mentorship with them. I know of a few Dominants who've "submitted" under other Doms, i.e. learning how to properly flog/spank/rope tie and understand from the submissive perspective, but still otherwise consider that mentorship. I do think it's really important for submissives to have other submissives to confer with. Safety in numbers! But also the community of it is both educational and supportive.

Sammy45​(sub female) • Mar 30, 2024

This a great debate that I have taken great interest over the years

I have really good friendships with both submissives and Dominants and it’s always great to get different perspectives particularly when it comes to lifestyle education

However in my experience … if I go back almost thirty years the protocols in my part of the world were- submissive mentored new submissives helping them to navigate the new lifestyle they were engaging in . The term sub sister was also used in that context many moons ago .. but am aware this isn’t the case now and it describes other situations - In the same way every Dominant was referred to as Sir .. times were different but that’s for a different conversation

Back then Dominants trained “new dominants “ for a period of 2/3 weeks and they took on the role of a sub in order for them to understand the role they were taking on as well as understanding the impact of their actions and interactions with submissives
Again I realise this wasn’t practice in all parts of the world … again my personal experiences

I would say over the last 5 years I’ve seen this term of mentoring beginning used and lots of Dominants - I use the term Dominant loosely
When certain D types offered to mentor new and younger submissives or submissive who are coming to the lifestyle after their marriage of 20/30 yrs are over

I have seen many many many “fake “ Dominants using the subs inexperience and naivety to “mentor “ particularly new people who are entering into the lifestyle for first time .
I’ve witnessed them being Encouraged to undertake tasks and provide photos and *training “ them…. And it not always safe sane and consensual

When in actual fact it poor practices and giving incorrect information/educatiion or encouraging subs to put themselves in dangerous situations such as meeting without anyone knowing or telling them safe words are not common practice

I have also seen subs who clearly are experiencing frenzy and have 4/5 mentors and are trying to juggle the demands from all they are involved with

I’ve seen where some subs have been putting themselves into dangerous situations and not truly understanding what the “lifestyle norms” might be - and some Dominants were trying to truly help and support and guide in the right direction

Do I believe mentoring is vital yes I do
I’ve supported both submissives and Dominants over the years

I do also believe that we as individuals are responsible for our own education and it should be down to us to educate ourselves
and not relying on mentors

As ever I speak from my own experiences
Sx

lambsone • Mar 30, 2024

One idea for mentoring would be to find a married couple with a good relationship as D/s or M/s. They should care about you as a person and want to genuinely help you to become the best submissive you can be. And without any desire to make you their 3rd while you are in training with them. You should feel safe opening up to them as well.

You would be primarily mentored by the submissive with the possibility of getting the Dominant's input on an as needed basis and with his wife's knowledge and presence.

Other than that, read the material that the cage has to offer because it's very level headed stuff. And read blogs/forum posts of people you trust. Group settings are helpful too because someone might have a question you hadn't thought of yet and you'll learn more that way if you can find a group that has legitimate and trustworthy people in it.

I'll see if I can find a question and answer article by Sir Gardener {gentlespirit} where he answered a bunch of questions I had as a new submissive. I'll post it in my blog.

Lots of folks here are willing to answer questions publicly when you have them too, as you've probably already discovered..

*** Okay posted in my blog now.

Sir Don​(dom male){Not lookin} • Mar 31, 2024

I personally don't think a Dominant should mentor a submissive. It should be a ( as the term already used before ). A like should mentor a like. An established person that can give the proper mentorship for one on one guidance. Dominants can give advice to a point, but again mentoring no.
Just what I believe...

DomMaleUK • Mar 31, 2024

As a Dom I consider it very important to Mentor my Submissive: for me this is all about helping her to be the best she can be in all aspects of her life and work. I am not saying I have all the answers and that my Direction is 100% solid 100% of the time, but it is important to be there and to develop her in all ways.

That for me is an integral part of the dynamic: to be someone who cares and wants to see the very best for her, of her and fir us.

Sir Don​(dom male){Not lookin} • Mar 31, 2024

To clarify this a little bit better , if the submissive does not belong to the Dominant , a Dominant should not mentor a submissive..
Just to be clear.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Apr 1, 2024

I don't think anyone is against someone mentoring their property, but those people who run around offering to be "protectors" and "mentors" for strangers and neophytes to the scene are rarely up to any good.

It always serves the vibe of, "I can't find someone the proper way, so I'm going to trick them into a dynamic."

This is utterly insane because most people eagerly jump into these things! Be on your game; you'll find what you're searching for eventually. There's absolutely need to be a giant fucking creep about it.

Susie Q{💙} • Apr 1, 2024

Can a dominant mentor a submissive? Yes they CAN. Should a dominant mentor a submissive? Prolly not a good idea. There are bunches of reasons why not and the top one being that people get the feelings. It just happens. There are bunches of examples of same mentoring same in all walks of life. Think of it like a doctor wouldn’t mentor an electrician. A veterinarian wouldn’t mentor a construction worker.

A dominant knows dominance, they don’t know a submissives heart. Same goes the other way, it would be a struggle for a submissive to mentor a dominant. It really doesn’t make sense.

An example too can be that many people can’t be friends with benefits. People just can’t take the feelings out of the picture.

No matter how much experience and especially how much you’d connect with a dominant….it is not a good idea to be mentored by a dominant.

Now, I have several dominants as my friends. I treasure their perspective and go to them to get their ideas and thoughts. However, they are friends and not mentors.

Just my opinion.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2024

Hmmm. Quite the slippery slope I would say. And honestly, it all depends.

So many factors may influence the interactions. What is the mentoring intended for? As mentioned by Miki above, there are many ways to mentor. Sometimes an individual who is a submissive is seeking advice from someone who is a Dominant in their dynamics. A perspective. It may be just to learn about some topic they've heard of but never tried.

Mentoring is simply advising or training. Someone with more experience helping someone with less. So if someone is interested in improving their mental or physical abilities, I might be able to advise them or even provide guidance on training. If they are seeking higher levels of education, or interested in advancing themselves professionally, I could definitely mentor them. Improve their personal discipline. Check.

The slippery slope comes when a Dominant individual mentors a submissive individual in the realms of sex. I can provide discussion and perspective, but I am guessing at a certain point that little lascivious aspect of my mind will engage. (Hey, like most people on here, I have a strong libido and I enjoy women). Typically I can keep my dirty little mind in check indefinitely (hot showers ) - but between the sexes, often there is a line that is crossed (intentionally or you stumble over it).

Taken as this question was posed on this site, I would tend to agree with the comments above. Especially Topeka's. Boundaries are essential. If someone offers to mentor, what's in it for them? Being a mentor shouldn't come with a price. And it shouldn't be solicited. Best advice might be to be very cautious about who and how you are mentoring or being mentored and to know the risks.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 2, 2024

Come on, a married couple, really. There are plenty of people in non marriage relationships, even poly dynamics that could be good mentors, marriage means nothing regarding whether people would make good mentors or not.