Question For The Guys

Question For The Guys

lambsone • Jun 8, 2024

When I woke up today, I turned the radio on and a couple of guys on the station I usually listen to were talking about characteristics that are intrinsic in men.

They talked about every man having a protector tendency. Protecting those that mean something to them but I also gather that perhaps anyone who is vulnerable might also stir that tendency.

So I'm curious to find out if you guys sense that characteristic in yourselves no matter your choice of BDSM role or life situation. Do you think it's really an intrinsic quality that all men have?

Do you have any life stories to share about how you saw this protective tendency emerge in you in an encounter with another person?

Thanks.

Re: Question For The Guys

lambsone • Jun 9, 2024

Please note: this is meant to be a positive post for those who think it's not. I just got an email from a Dom who thought I was asking guys to share stories about what could be considered a crime. WWWHHHAAATTT??? I've written back and asked Him to explain where he got that impression. But in the meantime....

Let me be perfectly clear although some will still find something twisted in my post, I'm sure. I am talking about normal everyday living. I see protective tendencies as a good thing. I'm simply asking if any of you men see a protector quality in yourselves and how it has been a help to someone else. Or how you've seen a protector quality in someone else that has been a help to you or has become a role model for you, maybe. I'm not referring to any type of criminal activity or other nefarious activity.

Solace​(dom male) • Jun 9, 2024

I can't say its something that all men have. I do think its how a lot of men are raised this way, whether we get a chance to or even know how to act on it or not.

I have a modest example of when the tendency manifested and surprised me. I am currently the leader of a group with plans to compete in a national competition. At first, it was something a friend and I started as a means to an end. A way to further our careers. Now days though, when I'm networking I find my self asking my new acquaintance if they can give a talk the members under me. I'm looking for educational opportunities for them. Jobs. Trying open doors for them professionally. Provide some manner of misguided guidance.

One day, a very young member asked to speak with me after one of our meetings. She expressed that the city life wasn't for her. That she had moved to area and didn't enjoy it. She joined the club to try and get involved and find a reason to stay. And she couldn't. She was leaving. I was devastated. And furious at myself. Angry that I hadn't done more for this girl. I'm still angry about it. The team was in a hold position, waiting to hear back on application to the competition, there was little to be involved in. I can't help but think I should have found something. Anything.

There is my poor example. I hope it helps.

lambsone • Jun 9, 2024

Solace thank you for sharing. Sometimes our consciences can dog us, but that in itself shows a protective tendency. The fact that you care that someone hadn't found something to benefit them is an indicator of it. I'm sure that as time goes on, you will discover solutions to this problem and many more as people's needs arise. Years from now you'll see how your group has grown and evolved into one that benefits more people than you ever imagined it would. Keep growing and becoming the man that you were meant to be.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Jun 9, 2024

From my understanding, protectiveness is based in compassion, which is a characteristic inherent to humans, whether masculine, feminine, or androgynous. It shows up in different ways primarily due to adhered gender practices (about ten percent of which remain relevant, the other ninety percent having become obsolete centuries ago). Both men and women are protective of what is important to them, but in a society wrought by toxic masculinity and unnecessarily rampant competition, it is heavily played up when it is expressed.

From a kink perspective, it occupies a similar space to obsession or possessiveness, where in the realm of fantasy, it can be enjoyable and even beneficial, but in reality it is mostly unnecessary and has the capacity to become problematic both as a means of circumventing trust and as another destructive stereotype.

lambsone • Jun 9, 2024

Well Ashmodai, there are still positive examples out there of positive role models of male protectiveness, so all is not lost yet.

Grizzledoldman • Jun 10, 2024

It's an interesting conversation I think.

I don't know that I would agree with it being an intrinsic "male" characteristic suggesting that only males have it. It is, I think, an instrinsic human characteristic. It is, after all, how we as a species have not only survived but thrived ...We protect each other.

lambsone • Jun 10, 2024

Yes Grizzledoldman, and I think if we didn't protect one another, I'm guessing we wouldn't have much of a world left to protect. We might have blown it all up by now. Thank you for your input.

balloonkotinsp • Jun 10, 2024

Somehow,I believe it is part of being a man. I'm not sure if it is learned, or woven into our DNA. I will fiercely protect those I care about. Especially the ladies in my life. My 2 daughters, I would kill or die for in a nano second. I keep an eye on women in general. Meaning, if I see some sort of abuse going on, whether it be verbal, or physical. I would feel obligated to stop it if I had the power to do so. But perhaps that applies to all people. For that particular thing anyway. I feel it's the role of the man in a relationship, be it D/s or not. I'm sure this goes back many thousands of years. Naturally. Because I'm physically stronger and more capable when it comes to physical altercation, I believe that to be my duty.

Grizzledoldman • Jun 10, 2024

@balloomkotinsp I agree with almost everything you said... I would add maybe you have never seen a woman standing between danger and her children....Think mama bear and her cubs. I think it is our role as humans to protect each other.