Puns

Puns

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2024

If your man doesn’t like fruit puns, let than mango.

If a cow doesn’t produce milk, is that a milk dud or an udder failure?

A bike in town keeps running me over. It’s a vicious cycle.

lambsone • Oct 20, 2024

Gee just when there's this great chance to share puns, which doesn't come around every day mind you, I can't think of a single one.

EnigmaticFire​(sub female) • Oct 28, 2024

I was going to tell a pizza joke, but its too cheesy.

What was the first animal in space? Some people think it was a dog or a monkey, but we all know it was the cow that jumped over the moon.

I recently read a book about lightning. It was was shocking.

I got fired from my last job at the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

I tried to be a banker, but I lost interest.

The smallest king ever was only 12-inches tall. Everyone still calls him a ruler!

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 28, 2024

you guys suck...


More often than not I hate puns, like when barf bag news reporters and some admen use and reuse the same tired shit ad nauseum (Like around Easter: "Egg-citing this and that" )

Balls

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When my roomie is home she has to pull out the remote and mute ads while I only have to look away or close my eyes, so for all those in advertising and the talking heads on the news.. the yolk's on them.

Damn it now you people got me doing this crap.

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But to be fair the above posts don't sink to the level inhabited by the barf bags on the television. Instead the Above fits into a category that's bandied about here and there: "Dad Jokes" (or "Uncle jokes" )

Another one they had on some TV show or other:

Waitstaff: "How do you want your steak done?"
Customer: "On a stove!"

Groan.


... and from an archived newspaper I read in the library because I get a kick out of the library.

A really decent pun actuallt as it was a "triple entendre" If anyone is old enough to have been around back then... or like me read about it, there was a contest held by the Post Office as to which version of Elvis to depict on the 29-Cent commemorative stamp...The younger, energetic Elvis from his earlier years or the flabby Elvis in the mid 70s, not long before he bit the big one.

When the vote was in, the newspaper headline read:

"Return to Slender"

Triple pun because it was a play on an old hit of his, it was "going back" to a more vibrant Pelvis and it was for the Post Office.

Crap... Time for bed. I was up all night at my job and now you folks are inadvertant;y scrambling my gray matter.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2024

Okay, since I used to be an English teacher, these are write up my alley.
You know the egg got sent to the principal's office because it kept cracking yolks.
Then you must also know what the teenager wrote on the toilette paper...
"Dear diarrhea"
After I retired it was time too branch out and enjoy nature.
So, let’s taco 'bout outdoors now
It’s a wild life out here with tree mendous views.
They are unbe leaf able.
I'm s'more adventurous than ever.
Hiking is a mountain of fun.
I trek my time you know. It's one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.
And I'm always on the scenic route.
To summit up, I love hiking
Camping is an in tents experience, too.
It's camp-tivating fun.
It keeps me grounded while I reach new heights.

EnigmaticFire​(sub female) • Oct 28, 2024

I always enjoy hiking that is un-bear-able, as I'm not fond of being a snack-pack for wild creatures. I usually listen to hard-rock while hiking, sets the tone for the perfect climb-it. Mountains always peak my curiosity, especially since its all down-hill from there. I never get lost, because I always know which way is up.

My math teacher was late for school. He spent all night in times square. It didn't bother me much; I always bring scissors in case I need to cut class. I've found my chemistry teacher always has all the solutions and my history teacher is always depressed because of all the dates that have gone wrong. Beware of the music teacher, he has sharp keys.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 28, 2024

all right all right, leave it to a teacher to put this over the top....

I did very well in high school, way-back-when (but well after ink wells) but there were 2 kinds of teachers I totally dreaded. English teachers came second to math teachers on my loathe-list..... "Safety in Numbers"-- my ass.

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I'm outta here before you pun spinners get me to pulling my hair out.

1crazygirl​(sub female) • Nov 17, 2024

What's up??!! Chickenbutt??!!??
What's new Gumshoe??!!??
After awhile crocodile.
After awhile crocochile??!! Lol lol