Red Flags

Red Flags

Leenaa​(sub female) • Mar 25, 2025

Can any experienced subs/doms out there help me out with letting me know some red flags to look for while beginning to chat with someone. Maybe some positives as well as what to look for.

Thanks,
X

friendlyfire​(masochist female) • Mar 25, 2025

in my humble and limited experience,

> empty profiles
even the most private person can find *something* to put on their profile. by not providing any information, they control the narrative of how you perceive them and can tailor themselves to each person they talk to
> endless profiles
just like an empty profile, a profile with too much information can be used against you; "I answered that in my profile, did you even read it?" "'You aren't what I'm looking for"
> voyeurs / peepshows
as flattering as it is when someone is curious about you, a person who asks more questions than they answer is probably looking to *experience* you rather than *know* you. these sorts of people will emphasize and give high rewards for photo sharing, and personal information
> luring
they will try to give you excuses, but there is literally *no* reason to go off-site with someone on cage. you can chat privately. you can send voice notes. you can send photos. you can make calls with video. "I don't want my coworker to see me on the cage" is giving sex addict if they can't even control themselves at work. if someone is trying to get your phone number, or take things to a third-party app without sufficient vetting, rapport and time - be suspicious
> triangulation
generally referring to previous dynamics is one thing, but repeatedly bringing up former subs and comparing you is another. comments like "my last sub did this for me, will you?" create competition and insecurity. they test and make you feel inferior to what came before you, but if it was as good as they say, then why aren't they together? remember, if anyone is willing to weaponize someone else's failures, vulnerabilities, limits, sexuality - then assume they will do the same with yours.

SoftSoul​(masochist female) • Mar 25, 2025

They are not willing to establish a deeper connection or get to know you on a human soul level then its big No. They should treat you with the same care they show their friends and loved ones if they want to keep someone around. When they have grown, take responsibility, and feel secure, they will lead in a mannerly way and not force anything. They won’t rush into relationships but will express their desire to build a connection and see where it goes. This process isn’t written in stone; you may need to meet a few people to see if there’s a genuine connection.

Just because someone talks to you doesn’t mean it’s a match; you need to feel something on a soul, mind, and chemistry level. One important thing to remember is not to get swept away by a flashy lifestyle. Some people may say things that sound appealing, but don’t fall for their words alone—good people won’t make grand proclamations about what they plan to do with you.

If there's a connection, they will likely ask to meet later and check in with you, asking if you’ve eaten or slept. They might even show they care in small ways, like bringing you flowers. However, they need to earn your trust and respect first. Just remember to be kind and not too hard on them. It's important to speak up about your feelings.They are not willing to establish a deeper connection or get to know you on a human soul level. They should treat you with the same care they show their friends and loved ones if they want to keep someone around. When they have grown, take responsibility, and feel secure, they will lead in a mannerly way and not force anything. They won’t rush into relationships but will express their desire to build a connection and see where it goes. This process isn’t written in stone; you may need to meet a few people to see if there’s a genuine connection.

It’s important to remember that while it’s great to have high standards in a partner, not everyone can be dark, tall, and handsome or perfectly suited to your ideals. Sometimes, you need to step out of your comfort zone and recognize that the best connections may be found far from home. Both partners have to be willing to make an effort to make it work. It's fine to be selective, but don't expect to find someone wealthy who will fully take care of you. Those with money often want someone who is independent and not snobbish. Look for someone good-hearted, even if they are middle class and hardworking, but who is willing to cherish you.

If you’re going to be staying at home, you should not expect a partner to allow you to simply sit around all day. You’ll need to contribute by managing household tasks like cleaning, shopping, and taking care of things. Make a routine, don't wait around and secure your life everything will happen when its time. Right ones find you in time not fast so go with the flow.

Be cautious of individuals who may reach out to you unexpectedly because they are bored. They might call without a real reason, only to hang up while waiting for someone else to fulfill their needs. Don’t wait around for them, and don’t let them keep you hanging.

Some people may not support your dreams or goals. They might belittle you or compare you to others they know, sometimes using songs to put you down. They may imply that if you weren't attractive or intelligent, they wouldn’t even be interested in talking to you.

Often, they call just to complain about life, work, and the generational differences among Gen X, Gen Z, and Gen Y. However, they frequently display immature behavior in their conversations.


Often, they call just to complain about life, work, and the generational differences among Gen X, Gen Z, and Gen Y. However, they frequently display immature behavior in their conversations.

They say they want you to relocate, but you can't just move in with anyone without establishing a connection first. Building that connection takes time, often a year or more, with plenty of back-and-forth meetings. They might suggest that you'd be more authentic if you moved, but don’t fall for their excuses. They push you to join dating apps but don’t stay engaged on the site. They ask you questions, but when you ask them in return, they don’t respond—if that’s the case, they’re not the right person for you.

They should be willing to accept you for who you are. If you find yourself in a crisis, it's best to reach out to genuine sources for help, like human services and churches. Don't rely on a guy to support you through tough times. Instead, consider signing up for assistance to get your situation in order. With nicer weather, there are plenty of forests and parks where you can find free living alternatives, like camping will give you a tent.

Avoid moving in with a dominant partner expecting everything to work out; things can't be rushed. Often, people reach out just to complain about life, work, and the generational differences among Gen X, Gen Z, and Gen Y. However, they frequently exhibit immature behavior during these discussions. They might appear wealthy, but their living conditions tell a different story—often having beds on the floor and dealing with cleanliness issues, such as cockroaches. Additionally, they might seek out a maid for companionship while failing to provide the attention you need.

A partner should be willing to accept you as you are. If you find yourself in crisis, it’s best to reach out to reliable sources for help, such as human services and local churches. Don’t depend on a guy to help you when things get tough; sign up for assistance and sort out your situation.

As the weather improves, remember that there are plenty of forests and parks where you can camp if you're in a crisis. Be cautious about moving in with someone expecting to work things out quickly—nothing can be rushed.



A partner should be willing to accept you as you are. If you find yourself in crisis, it’s best to reach out to reliable sources for help, such as human services and local churches. Don’t depend on a guy to help you when things get tough; sign up for assistance and sort out your situation.

As the weather improves, remember that there are plenty of forests and parks where you can camp if you're in a crisis. Be cautious about moving in with someone expecting to work things out quickly—nothing can be rushed.





A good dominant partner will check in on you, ask how your day is going, and say good morning. They won’t just sweet talk you or focus on sex every day. Be cautious of those who are overly sexual; it’s best to ignore them and move on. You deserve the best, just like anyone else. Will support your dreams and goals.

People need to be willing to grow; if they are not, it’s no one’s fault. It often takes addressing deep-seated childhood issues to make progress. Treat others well, but don’t tolerate disrespect—you don’t have to feel obligated to anyone. If you're not feeling a connection, it’s okay to say, “Sorry, I’m just not feeling it.” A good dominant partner will want to work through issues rather than make excuses. They will step up and say, “Let’s work this out,” and if you’re upset, they will comfort you.

Be wary of those who seem too good to be true. Some may try too hard to present a glamorous image, using outdated or heavily edited photos. If they are unwilling to exchange recent photos when things get serious, it’s a red flag. If they avoid sincere discussions and quickly change the subject when deep topics arise, it’s best to move on.
Never share your email or social media accounts, and be cautious about what personal information you give out. Anyone trying to get you off the site is likely just looking to take advantage of you, so it's best to avoid those situations. Don’t share any photos that you wouldn’t feel comfortable showing to your family. Keep intimate pictures private; anyone asking for nudes or insisting on a video call right away is often just seeking a thrill.

You don't need to feel pressured to please anyone. Just because you are interested in this lifestyle doesn't mean anyone owns you, period. Entering a relationship does not guarantee that you will be treated poorly; your partner must respect you, or they risk losing you.

Relationships are about two people coming together. It takes mutual effort to grow, connect, and develop love.

Additionally, focus on yourself and your own life before trying to establish a relationship. A relationship should not be your first priority; instead, start by building a solid friendship. Aim for peace, not headaches, and concentrate on growing that connection.

Training or any kind of kink should come later; no one can force things on you. It's important to build a friendship first. You can find people in your area if needed, but it should be non-sexual at first—just training in other areas. Save yourself for the right one, not someone just looking for a fling. Always practice safe sex and get tested; both partners should do this before any sexual contact. If you both feel a connection, then go ahead, but make sure to be honest if things change.

When it comes to sexual compatibility, you can test the chemistry to see if it’s there but first a connection and you click. If it’s hot, you’ve got a solid start; if not, then you haven’t wasted any time. Knowing someone first builds tension over time, which can make sex deeper and more intense when it finally happens. Both approaches have their advantages; it really depends on what you’re into.

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 25, 2025

Maybe it's somewhere in prior posts but it's worthy of scrutiny on its own.

Money...

There ought to be no talk of finances when getting acquainted with someone. That can come later on.

If and when a meet-up is the next step--- speaking for myself, my Spidey Senses would be tingling the moment some dude writes: "I want to come meet you but I'm a bit light on funds right now, if you can send $xx.xx? I promise I'll (blah blah blah)."

No.

A relationship that's worth its salt and moving in the right direction can stand the "test of time" that it takes for the one willing to travel to meet the other to do so on his or her own dime. That includes their expenses on said get-together.

There's always "meet me half way" if it helps. There's never anything wrong with forking it over your own expenses for going to meet the other somewhere along the line, but no one should ask the other to send them money, period.

Oh and make sure a first-time meeting is in a very public place that you're familiar with. No "quiet meeting in the middle of Bum-Fuck Nowhere."

There are too many creeps and psychos out there --online and IRL-- to take chances with personal safety.

Villanelle​(staff) • Mar 26, 2025

Some great advice already...

I'd also recommend giving our "Knowing If Your BDSM Date Is the Real Deal" article a read. I think it's one of the most important we've published to date filled with lots of practical advice.

https://thecage.co/magazine,273.html

Good lucky in your search!

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 26, 2025

Huge red flag when they want you to pay for everything. Like with me since I'm hosting then they pay for transportation. Idc if they're a black, a mile, or states away.