question about negotiating a scene

question about negotiating a scene

Steellover​(sub male) • Apr 5, 2025

I was just wondering, when negotiating a scene, when is it considered setting boundaries, or coming up with an idea for a play scene, and when is it considered "Topping from the bottom?"
It seems like there is sometimes a tight balance. If I have an idea for something I'd like to experience with a partner, and suggested that, would that suggestion be okay or would it be "Topping from the bottom?" Or, especially, setting boundaries, or safety protocols?
I would want things to be mutually fulfilling for both of us- both the dom and the sub, but I would think as a dominant/top, I would want to hear ideas from the sub about what they want out of it, as much as what I want.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2025

The question, to me, is the timing.

Before hand, during the "negotiations" (I hate that word in conjunction with the lifestyle, but have yet to come up with something different) is perfectly fine. Toping from the bottom is when it happens during the scene.

It is perfectly acceptable to stop a scene with a safeword if something is happening you do not agree with but to want to change how it is done is unacceptable.

Steellover​(sub male) • Apr 5, 2025

That makes sense. After all, if I am being dominated during a scene, then I want to be totally surrendered to her whims; that's part of the point.

MasterDarcy​(dom male) • Apr 10, 2025

My rule is that a Dom(me) sets the boundaries and parameters and the limits, etc. There's very little or zero negotiate with the first stage.

Then when you've set, when you've properly and thoroughly putlined the scene or scenario, that's when you should allow the submissive to contribute by negotiating compromises and such.

Unless you're dealing with a slave. If you are, then the first draft is the only draft.

Thems the rules. Or at least, my rules.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 10, 2025

Really, no input from the sub, or bottom to start, and a slave gets no say from the get-go - wow - I am lost for words. Thanks for outing yourself, and pulling a massive red flag up the pole for all to see.

MasterDarcy​(dom male) • Apr 10, 2025

Did you not read this part:

"that's when you should allow the submissive to contribute by negotiating compromises and such. "

In your World "allowing the submissive to contribute by negotiating compromises and such" means "no input." ?

I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text.

Please cease from trolling. If you wish to flirt, shoot me a PM (I'm straight.).

However, if your modus operandi is to shame me for my techniques, etc, you are more than welcome to PM me and we can sit-down with metaphorical coffee and sconrs and we can go over the manutia of my post and discuss your need for attention snd your anger.

I'm not above acting as mentor/therapistto a Dom. I'll get down to brass tacks, though. Time is precious.

I'm done spamming this person's post.

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 11, 2025

Sessions should be 'negotiated' prior to starting
Tipping from the bottom is simply taking control of the scene while being on the bottom wether that's within a scene or simply sex. Ex1- the sub instructed the Dom of which tool or toy to use. Ex2- while being rider by their sin the Dom took control of the situation and by force taught the sub how to ride them properly