First munch-any advice?

First munch-any advice?

DerSiebteHimmel​(sub female) • Oct 12, 2025

Hey, I need some advice. I’m interested in meeting people from my local BDSM scene. There are munches and parties held in my city from time to time, and I’ve finally decided to attend. I’ll start with munches, I’m not ready for anything more just yet😁

How should I behave, how do I make connections, what should I wear, and so on? One Dom I talk to warned me that an attractive single woman might draw attention from the wrong kind of people, so I should be careful. Experienced folks, please tell me, what’s the best way to approach this, make genuine friends, and avoid unpleasant encounters?

Eagertolearn​(switch male) • Oct 12, 2025

Hi,

I have never been to a munch myself but I do want to attend one and I asked the same question as you

The advice I was given was two fold

1) speak to the person who is organising the munch and talk to them about your concerns and questions. They will have the answers for you.

2) If you can go with a friend then its likely to be a little safer and more comfortable for you

I'm sure there will be further replies from experienced munchers, but for now, I hope this helps

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • Oct 12, 2025

My advice relax and enjoy it. If it's not right, move on to the next! You will find one that fits YOU, you don't need to fit it. Just like BDSM isn't one size fits all, neither are munches. Run out of Munches, start your own!

Wear what you'd normally wear unless they have a dress code. I say wear what you'd wear normally because you want to be comfy in your own skin and be liked for who you are, not who you are pretending to be! So be yourself, it's the best version of YOU.

You can often reach out to the organizer and they will answer anything like that. Some will even send a info pack via email

DerSiebteHimmel​(sub female) • Oct 13, 2025

I don’t have any friends I could go with x
Honestly, I have enough nerve to show up even in a club, I enjoy challenges, but I think it would be unwise without at least a little experience in socializing. Thanks for your help, MissBonnie and Eagertolearn 🙂

Eagertolearn​(switch male) • Oct 13, 2025

My pleasure

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 14, 2025

To make genuine freinds such ppl must first be available.

Expect the wrong kind of ppl to always show you attention just cause youre female.

Won't know till you try, so be social.

To find the right partner for you, make a summary that specificly details exactly the partner you want.
Whoever you want will read that summary and talk about their ability to match what you want and follow up with what they want to see how well you respond.

Expect everyone that could possibly be interested to say so. See how you might filter your inbox.

DerSiebteHimmel​(sub female) • Oct 15, 2025

@House Talion
I’m not rushing to find a partner, it’s a serious thing. For now I just want to expand my circle of acquaintances. That’s why munches are what I need. Unfortunately neither Cage nor FetLife give enough chances to connect with people from the local scene, so I hope for in-person interaction.

But you’re right, I haven’t taken self-presentation on sites seriously. I need more photos and info about myself to interest people. I’ll do that. Thank you for the advice🙂

Derk​(switch male) • Oct 15, 2025

If I were to go I would look into..
Their social media (Facebook) and find people that are active there and check their socials out. Just to make sure they aren’t posting aggressive or unbecoming posts.

Secondly I would look at where the meet is, and see if it’s nice, clean, and planned. Not just sitting in a food hall.

Then I’d reach out to the booking agent/planner and say “hey I was thinking of coming, could you please tell me some things about the meets and how they go?”

Then finally if you decide to go, I’d end the the event in the place it left off. No traveling with others (let’s go.. etc).

With all that in mind and done, when you go GO! You’ve done the work, and set boundaries.
So go there as your whole self and try to have fun!

DerSiebteHimmel​(sub female) • Oct 15, 2025

Thanks, Derk, I didn’t even think about Facebook, that’s a good idea, I’ll try there too. I’ve already been told that “local munches are completely overrated”😂 Now I want to see for myself x

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} • Oct 19, 2025

Hi,

I'm an introvert so going to a social event where I don't know anyone is EXTREMELY difficult for me but I saw a munch listed in my town at a restaurant that I liked so decided to make a go of it.

I remember that at one point, after a good number of people had shown up, the moderator had everyone introduce themselves. Being a rope bottom, I was interested in finding a local rope top to work with. As it happened, a female top was looking for a bottom. I offered my services.

Munches are like a work networking lunch. Everyone is dressed in street clothes (unless otherwise stated in the event description) and the moderators will make themselves known.

As it happened, I didn't fit in with that group since their munch was to gain access to their private residence play parties (I don't play publicly), but the food was good.