Am I submissive?

Am I submissive?

ivyandtwine​(sub female) • Aug 14, 2018

Hello!

I invite everyone to take a look at my profile to understand my perspective a little more, but I also wanted to put a note out for discussion.

I am genuinely interested in discerning whether I am a real submissive or not. I ask for others to challenge me and bring me advice as I seek a new community and lifestyle.

Thanks,

Ivy

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Aug 14, 2018

Hi and welcome to the Cage!

In answer to your question, I'll repost something I wrote not too long ago in the forums;

"Submissive is a label. You may identity with some or all of the characteristics associated with that, but you are not bound, obligated or restricted by how you or others define that. "

Don't worry about being a "real" submissive. Anyone who has an opinion on that is wrong. What and how you identify is fluid and entirely your business.

The only "real" you need to be is a real person who's interested in exploring this lifestyle and where you fit in.

Stick around; read, think, ask and reach out to those who's words and ideas resonate with you.

Look for mentors and friends, not those who want to engage with you sexually or romantically. You're far too new for that yet.

You can safely ignore anyone blowing up your inbox. There are predators that exist to take advantage of the new and naive. Be VERY wary of anyone who has firm opinions of you, or commands and demands anything of you.

Try out chat, it's chaotic at times, but full of friendly real folks.

You always have the absolute right to speak your mind and refuse any offers or suggestions that make you uncomfortable. ALWAYS.

Best of luck and hope you'll stick around. If you do feel harassed or uncomfortable, you can and should report the user in question ( click on their profile, scroll down to report). Evangeline (site owner/manager) handles all reports personally, promptly and fairly.

Please feel free to reach out to me or anyone else you'd like with any questions or comments, publically or privately.

-Fud

ivyandtwine​(sub female) • Aug 14, 2018

Thank you!

Bunnie • Aug 14, 2018

Hi @ ivyandtwine, nice to meet you
I have a really easy way of discerning this... I can’t speak for others, but I’ve definitely questioned this in myself.
Does being of service to someone else (sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally), nourish your soul or discourage your soul?
What this means is... do you get fulfilment from being submissive?
If you do... then you’re a submissive. If you don’t, maybe you’re a dominant that doesn’t yet feel comfortable with that, or maybe you’re a switch. As @ Fud said, there aren’t really any set rules when it comes to yourself... except maybe “know thyself,” which kinda requires digging, observation, reflection, time and unfortunately... at times, mistakes.
If you believe you’re a submissive, yet people tell you that you’re not, it simply means you’re not the right submissive for them. Every interaction between people is different... you will experience Dom/mes that may not seem very dominant to you, and you will experience those that intimidate you... it’s all created within the space between us. I have been topped by subs that are more dominant than I am... yet they are still a sub. I just takes one “aha” moment to have it all make sense... we’ve all had it... yours will come. Give it time, and as @ Fud said... read, think, ask.

Tnjoker​(dom male){My Harley} • Dec 20, 2018

Both @Fud and @bunnie were spot on in their answers. Nobody can tell you how to be you....except you. Knowledge is the key. Gain as much of it as you can and do what you feel is right for you. Every Dom is not the same and every sub is not the same. What you wish to get out of this lifestyle, there will be a perfect match that will compliment you and it will all fall together like a big puzzle. Just remember, it is your body and your life and no one can tell you what to do with it. If you think that you are of the submissive variety, find someone to talk to and maybe work with them to figure things out. Not trying to throw people out there but @bunnie would be an excellent person to talk to about being submissive. Just dont rush in to anything and the right O/one will come along for you. Keep your head up you are doing great.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 20, 2018

I quote you from your profil: "I'm pretty damn sure I'm submissive these days"
So this is a part of your answer, the missing part would come from your Dom/Top/Master that you choose to guide throught the real submission. Its not a label but a title and a real definition of what you are seeking to be. Its comimg from you then pass on to the One who will take care of you.
You only mentioned the sex part of it? Maybe thats why you cant understand yet the full blow. You are young and still got few years of experiments good and bad

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 20, 2018

I have a few questions.


When you are in a group situation, what is the role that you take? Do you look around the group to see if anybody needs anything ?


Are you a people pleaser?



But most importantly when you masturbate what sorts of fantasies run through your head?

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 20, 2018

I dont think she would like to answer the 4th one

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 20, 2018

She doesn't have to answer it here.

But---- looking at what a person fantasizes about that gets them off is key when figuring out who you are.


Do you climax when you tie someone up?
Do you climax when you are tied up?
Do you climax thinking about giving orders or receiving them?


This isnt yhe total picture. It is, however, a starting point.

Cithaeria • Dec 21, 2018

I have had many fantasies I have tried in real life that have not turned out well. And some that have been mind blowing.
The takeaway is that I believe fantasies are not a precursor to reality.
I’m a dominant woman in my everyday life and have a strong personality. For all intents and purposes it would make sense if I was a Domme.
When I’m told the phrase “good girl” my body tells me a different story about myself. After much experimentation, I continually learn more and more about myself.