Need to Know

Need to Know

Satindragon • Sep 22, 2018

I know that as a Dominant you need to know about your potential girls past relationships. You need to know so you can help her get past any fears or hurts and help them move forward. Here is the sticky part if she says she was in an abusive relationship or survived an abusive relationship fight the urge to ask for details unless you can hold her while she tells you.

I have been a mess since I opened up Pandora's box yesterday. I have had these demons locked up for a long time but now it's like it was yesterday. I survived them and locked them up once, and I will break out my katana and let the Dragon off her leash and do it again. I will go for now there is a battle to be won, and my if I don't stop drowning my phone it will die as well.

Satindragon • Sep 22, 2018

I apologize if this was inappropriate. I normally have better control of myself.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Sep 22, 2018

Don't apologise for reaching out. That kind of share can really mess with you. I completely understand where you're at. Know that if you need someone, I'm happy to chat, or just be a sounding board.
Sending hugs!

Satindragon • Sep 22, 2018

Thanks Pumpkin, most of the time I handle it much better.

OlsUSNavy{None} • Sep 22, 2018

Cognitive Behavior Therapy helps me manage my ptsd. There’s a lot of information about it online.

You are definitely on the right track by choosing the time to deal with the awful things in your past. I never realized that I had a problem until I had failed attempt at suicide.

It’s good that you know soon enough to handle this, before mishandles you.

Satindragon • Sep 22, 2018

OlsUSNavy,
Thank you for your advice. Had it not been for one of my karate students I would have ended this 23 years ago. They just wouldn't give up on me. It doesn't usually get as intense as it was last night and this morning. Thankfully I had found this site a few days ago.

I hope you have a good evening.

Phanes​(dom male) • Sep 22, 2018

Satin, I had recently addressed this issue in another blog recently. Here was My response:

Speaking as someone who had just recently met someone who experienced years of abuse by an "abuser"; the only way I would recognize this person; who had told her never to show her emotions nor express the pain he inflicted on her. He had no limitation as to what he would do to her. When W/we first met, she was a shell of a person, have been seen as only a possession. I listened to her experience, I showed her the empathy that she never had recieved in the past, I assured her that she had value as a woman, not as a possession, that she had the right to be treated as the human being, that she is allowed and expected to show any emotion in any given situation, allowed to express her anger, her hurt, allowed to be loved and to love. Another words, I had to basically retrain her thinking that any human being is entitled to the freedom to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of being punished if he/she did. It was a tedious process, but slowly, with continued building of trust, empathy, and compassion; she slowly dropped that protective guard she was forced to live within those many years. Once I did open pandora's box of her emotions, she struggled to manage them because she never had been allowed to do so before and had trouble understanding them or how to control them.
With the right Dominant, a similiar process of listening to your experience and re-training your thinking as I had mentioned above to reassure you, that a true Dominant does abide by any established limits, listens to your concerns, take any corrective actions to further improve the enjoyment and enrichment of the relationship, ensures you that you do have the right to speak of your concerns, that you are safe with the right person that allows you to trust enough to be who you feel you are. With that said, I hope this helps you find yourself once again.
A word to any Dominant; if you learn that someone you are interested in has had an abusive relationship in the past; you can expect much of what they had experienced has been locked away in memory in order for them to move on in their lives. So, if you go to dig deeper into their past in regards to their experiences, you most likely will open up "pandora's box" of emotions and you will need to help that one navigate through them, anger, hurt, shame, and so forth. If you were responsible in opening these emotions up with someone, BE DAMN SURE YOU ARE THERE to help him/her through them!!!!

Bunnie • Sep 22, 2018

@ Satindragon, thank you for sharing and I completely agree. This is very wise advice.

Satindragon • Sep 22, 2018

Phanes57
At some point last night I read your post. I was up off and on all night. I would get up get online and read here in forums and blog post. It really helped me get through the night. Then this morning one of the worst episodes came slithering out and I need a release so I posted here.

Thank you all for your support.

Phanes​(dom male) • Sep 22, 2018

And you did right. Just know, there are many of U/us in here who always have an open door for anyone who needs to talk. There are many very smart, caring and intelligent people in this community that can usually relate to most of what is posted on this site when it comes to dealing with the variety of issues fellow members may need to sort out within them. That includes My door.