ChillVibes(sub male)
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5 years ago •
Sep 24, 2018
Post-Kink Shame: What to do about it?
As I'm getting more and more involved in kinky play, I've noticed that one particular roadblock stands out to me more than others: Post-Kink Shame.
I'm not talking about regretting a truly unpleasant experience, I think that is perfectly healthy! Maybe there's a term already coined but "Post-Kink Shame" (feeling regretful or embarrassed afterward about kinky play you genuinely enjoyed) is something I've been experiencing a lot as I explore. I've talked to a couple of friends about it and I've been getting some really interesting feedback about the topic, but I wanted to poll the crowd! What are some of your experiences with your own Post-Kink Shame? Is this a really common problem? What are some things that helped you move past it? EDIT: Or just take this as an opportunity to vent about it if you need to. |
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Online now
FunCouple{.-Couple-.}
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5 years ago •
Sep 24, 2018
Hello Rick
Have a read of this ...... https://jenniferbene.com/2016/12/ask-me-anything-what-is-sub-drop/ FC |
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Miss Primrose(sub female){Thor&Loki}
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5 years ago •
Sep 26, 2018
Yes, i’ve Had sub drop before but it didn’t involve shame per se. More like deep loss of a sense of self, not feeling oriented to my surroundings, and lots of tears. It can be unsettling when first experienced but you get used to it, kinda. That’s when good aftercare from your Dom is essential! It can’t always prevent it from happening but it can help. Talk to your Dom/me about your feelings and work out what you need between you both .
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WillowJ
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5 years ago •
Sep 27, 2018
I wouldn't call what I feel afterwards as shame exactly, and it could be that I've only experienced online so aftercare is a bit different or entirely lacking. It's usually within 2-4 hours afterwards that I feel undetected and the experience feel cheap, lacking , and unconnected. Especially the first time I did anything online, I came down hard the next day and really berated myself it just felt like a one night stand. Which is a bit odd, since online I'm doing everything to myself so I struggle with the logic vs. the feeling. No one did anything to me, I did it to myself, which also adds to the feelings.
What I ended up doing is talking (online) to a few subs, a few Doms and just try to work through it all. I really took the time to establish a connection with one of the Doms I talked to and he helped me a lot. However, he didn't quite get it and he referred me to a sub to talk to. It was there that I found the support/ a mentor so to speak and really worked through how to balance being a strong, independent, women's rights activist, and giving into my kinks/my submissiveness. It is still a work in progress and I expect it to be for quite awhile. My biggest piece of advice is to be kind to yourself. The self talk I do for myself is simply a reminder that I would never judge anyone for their preferences/lifestyle (albeit I have a hard time doing that with politics  ), and someone's kink is no different. I wouldn't judge anyone as long as its what they enjoy and its SSC, so why am I judging myself. It's part of being kind to myself.
I also talk to my Sir about what I'm feeling and what I need which helps as well. Hopefully soon I will experience a RL session and aftercare. Once I do I will gladly let you know if it helps. |
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Pumpkin29(sub female){MrWhite}
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5 years ago •
Sep 28, 2018
This is something I've struggled with a lot. In fact, it was the biggest reason I reached out to talk to other people.
What's helped most for me was figuring out the patterns that bring it on, and what makes me feel cozy. For me, it's little comforts that make me feel loved and safe. My Sir often brings me chocolate and Gatorade. Sugar helps...Or maybe just the happiness of having an excuse to eat sugar...But I'm not looking too closely at that. Cuddles, being warm, talking with my Dom about normal stuff, getting to do nothing but happy "fun" things after, like movies. And most importantly, talking about it instead of trying to handle it on my own. If you want to chat about it, let me know. It was brutal for me at first. I'm still working on it, but just know...You're not alone. |
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