As I lie here in bed, next to my Master, I can't seem to quiet my mind. Master has embraced his role as a Don in a more present way and it excites me. Song lyrics run through my mind.
"Use Me" by Garbage
"Use me I'm beautiful.
Take me I'm yours"
"You're arms look so powerful
As they hold me down."
Or
"Homegrown" bu Otep
"I miss you when you're timid."
"I crave the pain
I'm do ashamed
But I love the stimulation."
"He hurts me cause he cares."
These words resonate within me. I'm his. No one else's. He's strong and powerful. When he's timid I get confused although it's been long time since he's been timid. I crave pain and there is a level of shame with that. That is until he gathers me in his arms and tells me what a good girl I am. Then I'm all smiley. He hurts me because he cares. When he bites, pinches, wrists my nipples I get wet. When he grabs my hair a directs my motions I'm excited. When he puts his hand on my neck, not choking, as a small reminder of his presence my breath quickens.
I look him in the eyes when we play. He wants that. He likes to see the love, trust, submission, and fear that I have in my eyes. The love because he has been my partner and match for 8 years. Submission because I will do anything to please him. And fear because I know he could hurt me if he truly wanted to.
I can scream, cry, beg, plead, but unless the safe word is used the play continues. He loves to ask me if it hurts, which it sometimes does, I'll tell him yes and he says good. Mixed in that pain is pleasure. He trust me to let him know when it's too much pain and not enough pleasure.
And oh our toys. A St. Andrew's Cross, clamps, a flogger, whips, canes, restraints, collars, candles, dildos, vibrators. I love to be strapped to that cross, blind folded and have these tools used on me I'm in heaven. Then to be taken down and laid on a bed, placed on a bench, or anywhere he wants me. Then he uses my body for his pleasure, none of my own without permission.
Then, spent, is the aftercare. He holds me, tells me I'm a good girl, kisses me gently on the forehead. He makes me drink water and feeds me fresh fruit. He keeps my shuddering, nerve ends screaming and vulnerable being is he protective embrace. I eventually fall asleep in his arms.
I love my Master and all he does to and for me. And these thoughts are what have been running through my head while I'm trying to fall asleep.
