The difference between simply existing and really living.
Life is tricky and complicated. I am a person who hates to disappoint and will often put others wishes before my own. This is the way it should be sometimes. As a mother. And I'm learning as a good submissive. What happens though when your wishes and desires are ignored for a prolonged amount of time? Either ignored by yourself, those around you or both. You end up just EXISTING. Existing in a world that you created. A world that society tells you this is what you want, this is what is acceptable, this is who you are. But it's not.
I often have these little moments of awakening and take a tiny little step closer towards LIVING. It fills me up and puts my soul at easy. At least for a little while. Until i learn and want more. Like taking a deep breath when swimming through the ocean, I will always need to come back up for air.
It is a slow and sometimes hurtful experience. Undoing the strong holds and the ropes that bind me in my vanilla world. Conscious of the effects on the ones I love who surround me. So I just keep treading water and hopeful that one day I can make it back to the white sandy beaches. That the pull of the tide will be enough.
Right now I might be exposing too much of myself on here. But these are regular thoughts and feelings that plague me. I found a place that I want to explore, that is exciting and comforting at the same time. Taking baby steps is still moving forward and I take great comfort in that. Right now my life is about finding the balance on a ever changing seesaw
