When most of us discover this world it is exciting and liberating. To find other like minded people who enjoy the same twisted things that you like lol. The vanilla world can feel rather conforming and restrictive and for many their fantasies and private rituals are their escape.
After talking with a friend today who is struggling a little something occurred to me, which many of you have probably already figured out. Our little BDSM world can sometimes feel just as restrictive. To find that you do not necessarily fit properly in some of the boxes. A submissive, a dominant, a switch and many more. Even one that you have identified with for years can all of a sudden make no sense.
Many find they are not only a bottom but also a top. That they can give love to more than one person (seeking open relationships) and can only submit to one while being dominant to others. When you no longer fit as a Top or Bottom but find yourself an Other it can be confusing.
People also tend to place these titles upon us no matter who we are. When really, this is all about finding what works for you. And as we always say your kink is not my kink and that is ok. But sometimes when people label you and you say weeeeelllllll I'm kinda that but im also a pinch of this and a splash of that then all of a sudden your unacceptable (for many not all). You will get called a fake, a slut, a player or a time waster when really yr just trying to find your path.
The only way i see for this to improve is with honesty. If you find yourself in this place. Simply be honest at the start. Nobody should (although some will) get mad or disappointed with you if your open. And most importantly be honest with yourself. The idea of not fitting where you once stood or that the role you now have is not fulfilling you enough, then be honest with yrself. Love yourself. And the right person or people will come your way (with time and a lot of trial and error).
We always talk of acceptance. We all find new discoveries or are constantly evolving. This can be hurtful and no one is harder on you than your own mind. So if someone doesn't fit into your checklist of what you want and they are open about that from the start, please wish them well and move on. Cause this shit is hard but essentially we are all after the same thing. A place to belong
