Breaking the hold of a dominant is hard. Weeks and yes even months after being by myself I still found I was clinging to the rules and the rituals, sometimes without realizing. Still seeking that approval in any form I could get it. Because they brought me comfort and still installed hope. I don't see this as a bad thing, more stage of recovery that is required to be able to move on.
I was fortunate enough to find a person to shelter and guide me. To take me on when I did not think I was up to scratch. I was hurt and uninterested but with a calm patience I was settled. My mind put to ease and a peaceful warm blanket was wrapped around me.
Enough that last night I finally let go. I felt those things I was subconsciously clinging to where no longer required. It was a weight lifted that I thought I had broken free from. I no longer seek the approval of a ghost or to hear a single word. It is calming. I am light once more.
