What a blissful Sunday afternoon I had. Wrapped in tight ropes that were placed there by someone other than myself. It has been around 9 months since I stopped bottoming for my old rigger. Distance and busy schedules ment that it wasnt viable for me anymore. For the past few months I have been wanting to find a new rigger closer to me and I think I have finally found one. My body not used to the push and pull and flexibility, I have some work ahead to keep myself limber and strong.
I have been out of balance and placing too much stress upon myself. Listing all the things i need to get accomplished instead of looking at how far I have come. Falling victim to the routine and the "should do's" and kicking myself when I was unable to reach the high bar I had set myself. Not caring for myself as I should be. But instead placing priority on activity rather than mental wellbeing. My heart broken feeling from last week was because I had not been listening to myself. I had broken my own heart by drowning it in idealism instead of listening.
Giving in to the rope this weekend was exactly what I needed. You cant fight against it, you can only embrace it. Im normally a level headed person and don't tend to fall into subspace with rope unless it's special or mixed with other stimulus. With having just short of a year off I experienced hot flushes, light headedness and calmness. My rigger was great. He communicated, instructed, adapted and made me feel safe. Fed me water, massaged my limbs and gave me cuddles. By the time I got home my glow began. Almost instantly. Like my mind was waiting for me to be safe (not driving) to allow me to enter a blissful swirliness.
I've said this before but I love a man's hands. I watched as he tied. Felt the grip he placed on my limbs and felt the transfer of warmth of his touch. A perfect mix of soft skin but strength within. There doesn't have to be romance to admire someone's abilities or qualities. Admiring eachothers qualities helps to deepen a friendship and play dynamic for a great connection. Needless to say it was a great first session with many more to come.
Reminding myself to slow down, to listen to my needs and to feed them.
♾❤⭐
