This is not my writing but i thought it was important to share and the author has given permission.
We are all aware of looking for red flags when seeking a partner/relationship of any kind but how about the green flags. For me I resignated with this so much and I realised that it is also what draws me to people. It takes more than a few conversations for me to feel anything for another human, additionally I need to spend time around them as how they act and interact is equally if not more important. To me I am not impressed with your long list of kinky awards and toy collection. It is the person you are on the inside. If I am to let you into my life, be around my children and give you physical control over me when I'm in a vulnerable state, then I need to have confidence not only in your abilities but in your character.
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If the person doesn't blame their ex or call them mental and says, yeah I had a part in our demise ✅
When they take time to understand when you are upset ✅
Someone who can disagree amicably and handle conflict well in an Adult (Transactional Analysis) present way and actively listens, ACTIVELY ✅
Someone who doesn't always give solutions, you get space to realise ✅
Someone who is clear and consistent re intent ✅
When they are transparent around their own issues and preferences ✅
Relative response, if you make a mistake and they are supportive and proportional when a mistake is made, as we all make mistakes ✅
Has time for you and takes that time ✅
They support your life goals and improvements ✅
They respond to calls and texts and engage and communicate when they say they're going to ✅
Opinions are shared without judgement ✅
You are a priority and vice versa ✅
They have a life without you, friends, hobbies and interests ✅
They dont shame you in public and will talk when ready privately and can doing the embarrassing conversations about what works and doesn't, especially around sex and play and they listen and accept constructive criticism ✅
They treat humans decently, kind to the server and the person on the phone ✅
They say sorry and act on the sorry is said once and acted upon ✅
You hear self reflection and action ✅
They understand your need for space and or doing something alone, it isn't personal ✅
When something is thrown around about you, they believe you and check facts not fiction ✅
Understands boundaries until you are ready play wise ✅
When you hear they have your back and they do so in public ✅
You laugh together, with each other and at each other ✅
When that person sees negatives as experiences and a chance to grow ✅
Silence is ok and present ✅
Acts immediately and has a discussion around a safe word being called with accountability ✅
That passion that they have isn't a had as they've met you, they pursue their passions ✅
They use we when the shit hits the fan for you or both (or all, poly) how can we fix this ✅
You feel nourished after time together vs drained ✅
They encourage you to do and manage things alone ✅
They say no at times and yes at others, they have boundaries ✅
You grow together, learn and expand consistently ✅
Works with you on limits if YOU want to expand them ✅
You have decent similarities and healthy differences but mutual goals ✅
Appreciates you, your actions and lack of ✅
Any more?
When we look for our ex, parents etc be careful what you wish for as you will find it ❌
You should look for ❌ of course AND along side look for ✅ NOT instead of.
Words By TheKinkShrink
