So much has happened since the last time I logged into TheCage. So so much. Suddenly today I had the urge to log in and write. Maybe even visit chat.
I drifted away from here as my dating adventures took off. I was having fun. My needs were being met for the first time. I was finding more of myself. The puzzle coming together. I was happy. Content.
And then history repeated itself - spectacularly disastrous. A nightmare unfolded before me. One I always I feared and was glad for so many years that I avoided by being married and mono.
My consent was violated. I was assaulted.
My PTSD triggered, body abused and infected, partners affected...a horrible domino effect.
If you've read my most recent blogs a pattern emerged. I lost my voice when I needed it most. Why?
I was no longer safe. I was no longer safe to be with. I called a halt everything. Dating, BDSM, sex. All of it.
I always look for the lesson in things that happen.
It's been a few months. My body has healed. My partners are healthy. But the mental toll... Not so much. I'm still picking up the pieces - digging deep, facing it, feeling it and most importantly learning from it. I learned why I lost my voice. My power. When it was taken. How.
It is time I took my power back. Break the cycle. Use my voice. Learn patience. Trust in myself and the rest will follow.