So now I'm entering a busy part of my life, I figured it's about time I talked a little bit more about myself, I wasn't sure where to start so I figured I'd tell this little story. Keep in mind, this is not a part of my life I'm proud of and It's one of the reasons I have difficulty putting trust in anyone nowadays, it almost turned me away from this interest of mine for good. But I would like to put it out there for others to read, so here goes:
About over a year ago when I first became curious about the lifestyle I started exploring around, like you'd expect. Talking with people, getting there point of view, getting feedback and advice, it was all well and good. I believed myself to a person of good judgement of character, I've never been vastly wrong in the past, It was around this time I met, Her.
She was the first person I intended to commit myself to as we had similar interests, our conversations were long and fascinating and it was just a generally good vibe all around. I could see myself spending a lot of time with her, at least at first.
Things changed after we did our first session online, suddenly and without warning. It turns out she was not a person I should have put my trust and faith in, in fact she was a predator of sorts. Right after the session, she attempted to use it as a means of leverage to extort me, I was heart broken and most of all, ashamed. I couldn't believe I had misjudged someone by this degree, I was completely wrong about her.
At the time I didn't know how to handle the situation, the only thing that was greater than my own disappointment and shame was my anger towards her, I refused to let myself be extorted in such a way, It may have not been the correct decision but in the end I blocked her and deleted all my online accounts. I know now in retrospect I should have called the police since they know how to deal with that situation but I felt so ashamed I just wanted to forget about it. So back then I threw out every toy and bit of kit I had and tried to forget entirely about everything that just happened. I wasn't ever going to let myself be taken advantage of again.
Eventually, over time I came back, as you can see. Though it took a little time to restore my own self esteem and build my confidence again. The only difference now is I put a lot more stock in trust, it's something I am far more reserved in nowadays. I no longer give it so easily and refuse to be taken advantage of ever again.
I won't ever let what happened in the past repeat itself and if I choose to be open with someone, appreciate the fact that said trust I put in you, I don't give easily.
And that is the story I have to share with you all. It's not a pretty one, and it weighs heavily on my mind sometimes, it is definitely something I am not proud of and was a very low point in my life.
But for the most part I'm over it and I have moved on.
