I wanted to see what would it take to being myself out of sexual immaturity without a partner. This might come to be a surprise for some but Margaret Sanger's" Women and the New Race" was a source of fuel for a small part of this.
Taoism and the Modern Masculine Moment (that's what I call it) also were part of the mix.
But the major source was my desire to progress and be both mentally and emotionally healthy. Being the age that I am (27 moving to 28) I've been fortunate enough to have a healthy array of experiences to inform me on what healthy partnership is like.
What I didn't have is what healthy loneliness was like. Note for men masturbating to completion every day is not helpfull. I'd lost the masculine energy that made me such a strong youthful bull by to often releasing that energy by myself. I'd thought it was self love but as much as I was doing it it was more like self sacrifice.
I just woke up one day and missed feeling in touch with my man hood. My energy had been depleted and I was not only ready to get it back but allow mself to develope the way I was suppose to.
It has been 30 days since semen has left my body and i once again am in love with my inner Masculine. I coupled this with a 5-2 fasting life style and my internal is back to when I was 20. Just as exciting my external is doing the same.
Week 1
Mild to no urge to orgasm. At most a few deep breaths kept me cool but I could feel an internal change happening.
Week 2
Last time I could remember having a wet dream was when I was in 6th grade. Had them for weeks 2 and 3 waking up with full erections.
Week 3
Noticable urges to orgasm became frequent but keeping in mind what my body was going through I changed my routine to release more energy through the day. Walks in the morning and afternoon as needed with strength training and running sessions. This was challenging with fasting cause I was experiencing increased levels of testosterone because of the lack of food.
My view of women and intimacy changed more to come towards the end.
Week 4
Comfort with the change has set in and drive combined with creativity have returned to a stable level. Package both penis and testicles size increased. I am walking around with healthy flow to the area. So much so I have to sit at my desk for a few minutes cause I might wonder into some dirty thoughts at work and before I know it I'm fully erect. Sleep at an all time perfect.
My most beautiful growth has been the desire for the sacred feminine. My desire for it no longer come from my loins but from my energy center between the top on my pibis and my diaphragm. Many identify this as confidence. I am attracted to it like a magnetic pole searching for it's equal opposite.
I desire her not for her external anymore but for her mind and her soul which I can feel with mine when I am close. My mindset as a Dominant is now lock and key. I feel her even though I have not found her and my desire for her to submit to me is from a place of care and nurture. To stroke her face as she looks up to me, to place my hands around the back of her neck between lashes to comfort her, for her to feel my voice when I speak to her.
My desire for women no longer come from a surface connection place but by a desire to pair with them on a spiritual level when we interract
Petite mort (little death) is what the French refer to a male orgasm. I have excepted death but it will take a women both strong and sensual, loving and caring, smart and delicate to slay me.
Signed,
A Man looking for his Women
