I've thought about writing here for awhile, I've been reading a few blogs over the last few weeks and y'all seem like decent humans. So, allow me to vent, if you dont mind.
I'm sitting here in my bed crying cause my 3 month relationship ended (had nothing to do with this site) in August. It ended terribly.
This young man and I had a whirlwind romance, we fell hard and fast for one another. He treated me like a princess and I did my best to reciprocate those feelings back at him .I hate confrontation and I love to please, it's in my nature to keep people happy...until they piss me off.
Trust. This guy had more MAJOR trust issues. To the point where I made a joke about sleeping with a celebrity and he ended up not letting me leave his house (read: his bedroom) for 7 hours because he "just wanted to talk" which culminated in him screaming at me, calling me a liar, stealing my car keys, laying behind my car so I couldn't back out and cutting himself.
Now, any reasonable human would encounter that situation and say "deuces! Boy, bye!" Nope. Not me. I knew I couldn't fix him but maybe I could still be the good in his life? He once told me I had to have been made of stars because I was so good to him, of course, this was before the above incident.
Anyway, I thought I could handle it. Thought I could still be a light for his darkness. I tried. I cried a lot. I got angry. I was more blunt with him then I was before the freak out. But I never stopped being who I was prior, the freak out he had just smashed my rose colored glasses a bit. If that makes sense.
Well, he felt I was being distant. I conceded that I probably was being, subconsciously, distant due to that episode. I tried to be better. As did he, dont get me wrong, he tried to make it up to me. But he would get angry over the dumbest stuff that would then make me angry. You ever try arguing with a brick wall? That's what it was like with him. He could never let something go once he got his argumentative hooks in it. I'm the opposite, I need to step away and calm down. Cooler heads prevail, as they say.
Anyway, I digress, he had another freakout, less extreme than the first but scary enough that I called a family member who was going to come get me from dude's house. He wouldn't give her his address so she called the cops. I ended up making it home via The Police and he took every pill he had and ended up in the ICU.
We tried to remain friends. It failed. But, still, here I sit. Sad and angry that the only man who ever treated me so great and so terribly still has this space in my head. I feel like I lost him, that I didn't try hard enough to be the light for him. My rational mind knows this is bullshit but I cannot convince my emotional mind of this. Ugh. It just sucks.
Sorry for rambling. I do feel a little less cry-ee after typing this out. Thanks for existing everyone. Be well.
