I woke up this morning after a rather emotional day/night. I was stuck in my head last night. This morning I woke up refreshed, I actually slept halfway decent, spoke with a sexy friend and was feeling good.
After lunch I felt it creeping like a wretched choke vine, that feeling of sadness that deep fucking gut wrenching keep you in bed for days sadness. I looked at the clock, too late to call into work-cant afford it anyway. Deep breaths, got my uniform on and set out. Was doing ok on the drive. I live about 45 mins away from my place of employment.
Got in, chit chatted with co-workers and just now it hit me like a mac truck. Coming back from dropping off dirty pool towels I started to tear up, lump in my throat.
So here I sit, writing in my "cry cave" at work before I have to cover a break. It's never been this bad. I know the techniques to help quell the tears and push out the lump. Writing is one of them. Gonna see a therapist on Tuesday, hopefully he will help since I've never seen him before. Of he doesnt, I'll have to call my regular counselor. We will go over acceptance, I'm sure.
I accept that I can't change how people feel, I accept that healing these wounds will take time but it still hurts. I promise as soon as something positive happens I will share it here haha :)
Thank you for existing, and be well. <3
