Difference Between a Brothel and a Place is Not much Different it is Still a Cage 📿
This Quote from the Apothecary Diaries really struck a chord. : my random thoughts around it.
As an Orphan so Much of my Life I had to Struggle Times I didn't even know where I was Going to Sleep.
Yet as Much as I Overcame to make Myself Useful Degrees n such what does the actual achievement gain mainly - the ability to service people in different ways.
I have never been judgemental seeing my mother date abusive men for her habitat showed me how desperate one can be when a system of control is in place that others can use to sway your actions.
I want more Medical training so in my free time I can service the poor and needy to greater degrees.
I know it sounds silly but when hurricane Katrina hit in New Orleans and I saw pictures of countless harm. I cried not only due to the massive disaster but due to my own inability to do anything to make a difference that as much as I wish I could go and make a contribution I was unable.
Here I am been doing search and rescue training volunteering and being an EMT for about 5 years now and currently in medical school.
Times have changed if all hands are on deck I can have an impact anywhere.
Yet what has that childish dream to be a hero cost me?
I never set foot on my familys homeland of Italy despite how much I have wanted to go from the first stories of my grandparents and great grandparents.
I have never set foot in Japan been doing martial arts since I was 7 and owe much of my achievement to my dedication to my ability to be inspired by Bushido at a young age.
What of relationships people have asked me for several years now whats the plan and to be frank if it wasn't for my current girlfriend throwing me in a coffin ⚰️ and telling me that we are dating I probably would be single still I was for the previous 8 years before I met her.
It is said in America you can be anything yet for how many is that true?
I feel in a cage as well - I still wanna be a hero but it might be nice to do soem of the things I want before I die for myself.
Can I balance both what I feel is my purpose on this earth to help people and my own personal interests?
I never really tried.
You know people pity individuals like my mom yet she was happy with the choices she made at the time.
I been trying to follow a childs ambition to be a hero and in more than one way feel I failed myself as a person along the way.
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One moment that is coming to mind is a scene I never forget from good will hunting the brainy genius had broken down the therapist and then the next day the therapist explained to him that he realized he didn't know anything he was just a kid.
The quote where Robin Williams as the therapist lays it back on him landed on me as well.
So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that.
I remember thinking during that scene yeah i really could quote a ton about Michelangelo actually - he was gay David was his lover he worked for the church and one of the reasons his paintings were so amazing is he was a grave robber and conducted scientific studies in-fact some of his drawings helped influence early anatomy texts.
Yet I still never got to smell it. I am still in many ways the brilliant kid who never got to genuinely live there own selfish dreams.
To bad one-day I will wake up to death and might never have gotten the chance to do the things I would have wanted for myself.