We don't all need encouragement

2 years ago. August 13, 2022 at 10:46 AM

I find praise specifically false or idol praise is extremely condescending. I know when I did a good task worthy of praise and when someone is blowing smoke up my butt.

Maybe children who are ignorant and see there ugly macaroni art on the fridge it seems like a source of pride and accomplishment. But for me I don't care about a damn word from anyone unless I myself already think I did a good a job in which case I didn't need the cheerleader since I internally know it was awesome.

You know what my fuel is negativity. You wanna see me do something tell me I can't, tell me I'm not smart enough, strong enough talented enough. Let me know you'd smile at watching me fail. That is my turbo fuel because the second I am tired and think I can't possibly run another mile in a marathon or study another hour for an exam I think of all the doubters haters and just generally negative people in my life and realize if I don't rise above it I prove them right they get the satisfaction of seeing me fail.

The chip on my shoulder is a bolder pushing me to greatness in all things. Its not enough to do well on an exam if someone in my class did better then me I'm worthless second is the first loser and I need to justify my existence because the lack of internal love requires constant external achievements.

I can point to a hallow list of things I accomplished in the pursuit of filling my internal void. Yet for all the objectively awesome things I have achieved I am still hungry since an insecure person can never be satisfied.

So please don't ever encourage me its tantamount to abuse. Its cutting the wind from my sails its draining the fuel from my engine that never stops.

If encouragement helps you that's great enjoy that I'm not you and I hate it when people try to speak in universal truths I am myself.

"If you all want me to settle down
Slow up and stop all my running 'round
Do everything like you want me to
There's one thing that I will say to you

I'm not like everybody else
I'm not like everybody else
I'm not like everybody else
I'm not like everybody else" - the Kinks

Literate Lycan(dom male) - When the community sees someone blogging about the negatives of life, they instinctively feel there is a cry for help. Sometimes we vent, not necessarily cry out for help and it's hard to determine which is which. Those good natured individuals initial response is to give support through positive comments. They aren't there with you physically but some of them have experienced negative moments in life (not necessarily the same moments, but still hoping to show kindred spirit). And they hope a single positive word or gesture will help overcome some emotional hurdle.

You've indicated you do martial arts on a highly competitive level so I'll point this out. Often when you practice you may not feel like you are doing the movement correctly but someone outside (teacher or fellow student) may see small improvements worth noting. That isn't blowing smoke up your butt, that's just positive reinforcement on a path you are taking. Likewise, many (MANY) of the members of the community have been in a similar location (not the same, but similar) as you are now and are hoping to show there is a path you may be taking and you have more steps ahead.

I understand negative reinforcement. Decades ago when I tested for Neikyu, my teacher looked at me and smiled and said, "You've got about a 30% chance of passing." That was all I needed to bolster my resolve and test harder. He knew that which is why he said it. And I was the only one who passed that day. But sometimes I also needed to hear that I was improving - not doing the move right, just better. Hope you have a great day.

2 years ago

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We don't all need encouragement

IceGirl(switch female)