Being a Demisexual is Annoying.
My girlfriend wasn't in the mood for affection tonight I respect that always because to do otherwise is sexually abusive and I cherish her.
She felt sad I tried to reassure her as best I could that it's fine, genuinely I want her happy.
For me pleasing my girlfriend is the most important act I can do for the relationship.
She and other people at times wonder why if I have these unmet needs do I not pursue other partners or relationships. She's poly and I'm supportive so why am I not dating others as well.
Many people mistake my behavior for monogamy or anti poly but I keep saying it till I'm blue in the face I am not monogamous I am a demisexual it's totally different.
I have had male partners, female partners, trans partners, cis partners and while I was dating my current girlfriend had a couple of encounters with others. One of them being a board game party that got frisky she was apart of so she should understand that I'm not monogamous.
The issue is that my level of sexual attraction is directly tied to emotional connection.
Thus I feel most connected with my girlfriend so to me shes the most attractive person on earth and in a unique twist shes also in my opinion the most attractive women I have ever been with so I desire her most of all.
I can't just turn this sexuality and sexual energy towards others for sexual gratification. I don't simply want anyone I want someone I love dearly.
The few people I'm willing to be sexual with haven't made me feel crazy sexy the way she has.
I mean one of our first dates she stripped me, threw me naked in a glass coffin, and fucked me for hours in a BDSM club it's really tough for people to display that level of passion and if a random person tried to do that I'd probably kick their ass.
None of my other girlfriends showed that level of lust and raw sexuality. We also are coming up on are year anniversary so that's exciting. 😊
I might be a switch and in general perfer topping when kink is involved. Yet sexuality I'm shy and prefer to be acted upon.
I can get rough if someone asks but my natural behavior sexually eems to be a pleading wide eye girl next door type who's all wholesome giving little pecks on the cheek and nuzzling someone hoping they might want me.
Now if the sparks happen I can get more active but I am not great at persuading sex or taking the initiative from the outset.
Gosh, I can see how compared to my larger then life personality when it comes to sex I'm meek and timid.
Am I that lame. 😰 (Cries)
To me it makes sense I was abused in the past plus I have gender dysphoria you put that together for me I need quite a lot of love and support to feel comfortable being intimate with someone.
(The brain is the biggest sex organ)🧠 I perplex people when I say I don't find any models or movie people attractive.
I personally don't know how people can. For example just imagine an alt right Christian conservative can you find that an attractive partner?
Most would say of course not. My response is now logically I don't know what an unknown person is like so until I meet them get to know them and there values establishing mutual respect I will not believe they pass my intimacy barriers.
People think that's odd, to me its normal. All my life I have developed crushes on my friends and almost every girlfriend or boyfriend I have ever had started out as a friend or really close person I personally knew well enough. The same way most people don't understand my behavior,
I have zero ability to understand typical human attraction because this is my normal.