Ice Girl's public thoughts.

Some thoughts about Ranma

The original anime ran from 1987-1996 and was quite popular during my youth. Many of my friends liked it very much and suggested it to me.

However, it hit very close to home. Since at the time, because I wasn't masculinizing during puberty, my family was bringing me to all sorts of doctors. I was being given testosterone and growth hormones, and then my body went and made me defy my parents wishes when I grew breasts and started having periods. This wasn't a fun time.

The abuse from my father got so extreme he actually lost custody around that time, and my mother—I will never forget her dragging me to doctors, trying to force them to remove my growing breasts over my protests. Yet in my own ignorance, I didn't fully understand that I was "biologically" female until my endocrinologist sat me down and explained the situation at 16. Thus the idea of a "boy" turning into a "girl" was sort of my life, and the reality is that not only was it not a joke, I blamed it for all my problems.

My family being abusive to me, the fact I had lost most my friends at school, the fact I went from popular to someone picked on and made fun of, hell, the fact that I had to undergo so many operations and initially be poor and helpless for years, the fact I didn't even know how to be confident.

During 13-18, I attempted suicide three times because of how much I hated my life and situation. I just didn't want to go through it anymore. But eventually something clicked, and I was like, well, just because my family set me up for failure and I didn't want to be a female. If this is the situation, how could being a female be worse than death? Besides, if I don't like it, I can always kill myself later. So the idea of someone having to go through something even remotely similar and play it for laughs just didn't sit right with me.

Yet Netflix started making a remake that dropped, and I was like, Well, what the hell? I will give it a try, and I find I have enjoyed it quite a bit. Which to me showed something that means a lot to me: that I am no longer bitter or sensitive about my condition.

You know, before my current girlfriend, I had a pretty firm no penetration rule. It wasn't because I hated having a female body or anything, but because I was sexually assaulted, so being penetrated just made me really uncomfortable. I don't know how she navigated the sensitive landmines, but she didn't waste much time finding out how to penetrate my heart and my body 👅.

I forget if it was the 3rd or 4th date, but she had me bent on all fours face down while being choked, hips elevated, and went to town. Granted, she kind of collapsed before she fully finished me off, but definitely made the case that I can enjoy getting fucked. Recently she said something I've been pondering.

I told her that I wasn't looking for her. I went 8 years without a girlfriend, and it's because I've just never been that sexually motivated. Then I told her about how the one girl I was engaged to and me started dating was because one day she literally beat me with a text book in class to make me remember her name, and then a couple of years later, when we went out to eat, which was a normal thing we did as friends, many times she told me we were dating.

I remember being like this isn't a date; we go out to eat all the time, and then she just grabbed me by the neck, kissed me, and sort of nibbled my lips, and then asked me, Does it qualify as a date now? I then kind of sheepishly said sure, and that was the beginning of one of my best friends becoming my lover for years. She was engaged to me but broke it off because she felt once I started to take the proper female hormones I became too soft and caring; she liked me more when I was manic and potentially dangerous.

The more tame calm me, she found a boring pushover and started to lose respect for me, so it was a good thing we didn't get married. She was really into power exchange, and she would have me crate her beat her consent, non-consent, have sexual encounters with her, and other activities. I just kind of did whatever she wanted, no matter what she asked. She was very open to anything that would please her. The one thing I put my foot down on was being degrading towards her—the thought of spitting on her, pulling out a chunk of her hair, and calling her trashy names. I couldn't go there; I was way too sensitive to want to treat someone I loved like that.

This is why it is a good thing we split up. What does this all have to do with the Ranma show? Being who I am both as a person and sexually took many years to feel comfortable with.

Intersex conditions overall might be roughly 1 in 200 by some estimates, but there are over 40+ conditions, and a specific one where a XY child grows a uterus and also won't masculinize is about 1 in 270,000 births.

Yeah, some intersex conditions are rare. I always felt like an anomaly didn't help that doctors tried to originally build a poorly functioning penis with false testicles at first and then finding out later surpise we actually have to undo that or you'll one day die since the pain you're feeling is the fact you can't shead your tissue properly.

I cannot describe how insane it was to have a doctor tell me my penis is fake and they gotta cut it off to save my life, and it makes sense anyway since I'm female. Like, people sometimes argue that I need to get my PTSD better under control because I have night terrors and flashbacks. Sorry that my insane life has scars embedded in my brain, but to be frank, it was the cost of survival. But finally I have started to be like, eh, you know, having a female body isn't so bad, and yeah, I might be a tad bizarre, especially since the first 13 years of my life I was raised hyper masculine, so all of this felt wrong and absurd most of my life.

Yet that's not me, my body, or how I feel about it now. In fact, I know genuinely that if I could have been born a normal male at this point in my life, I wouldn't want it even more surprising to me if I could restart my life and rather have a chance to be a female without all the toxic crap tossed in at first. Life for women is hard enough without your parents trying to force your body to masculinize and beating you both physically and emotionally for being a failure of a son.

I think the coolest thing in Ranma is it is showing me or helping me to cope with the fact that because of my unusual upbringing, I never have and probably never could fit in with most other people who have uteruses, be they any gender or sex. I also trained to become an intense martial artist and am so close to being a tomboy; if it weren't for my body being so clearly feminine, I doubt many people would assume I am female from how I behave. Thus the important aspect to me is finally finding peace, balance, and reconciliation with the fact I am unique, and that's okay.

I have a female body despite all odds, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying it, be it sexually or any other way. Additionally, the fact I was raised male didn't damage me or make me unfit for society; it actually made me intriguing. Sure, lots of people would never want to fuck with me, that's for damn sure 😊 That's a good thing who'd want to be with anyone who thinks my natural behavior is inappropriate.

People could think that my family messed me up, and that's fine. But I can find peace in feeling like I have the soul of a guy trapped in a female body that learns to love it. Like, why do I have to ever pick a side as far as my gender is concerned?

Sure, my sex is female; my health condition forced that hand, but being gender fluid/gender queer, that's just awesome 🌈 There are those people who would argue it was my family abuse that caused this, and I can't argue that isn't the case. But either way, this is where I am, and to be frank, it's the most peaceful in the situation I have ever made.

Not saying I am quite ready to go back and see gynecologists after the way I was treated. But I am now finally not uncomfortable with my body. What's wrong with feeling like I should have been a guy but due to my condition I ended up female?

What's wrong with having lived as a female now for over 24 years and having come to enjoy and prefer my body?

What's wrong with wishing my girlfriend would fuck me more often because I enjoy it?

None of these things are wrong; they are just different truths I have come to reconcile.

One of the things I really enjoy about the Ranma character is just how damn obnoxious he can be in both forms. At one point he was talking to his female girlfriend and mentioned how she isn't half as attractive as his female body and she needs to work on it or she will never get a man.

That cavalier dig and obnoxious confidence was something I wish I had when I was a teen. One day when me and a friend were going to New York City to hang out, I was wearing an unbelievably sexy tracksuit with a v neck so deep it practically showed my belly button and so tight that my hips and ass looked like a pixar girl, and as for the girls themselves, well, if it wasn't so tight, there would have been nip slips. Anyway, I was so drop dead sexually charged guys would stop cars to catcall me people would walk up and shoot their shot. Yet my female friend with me at one point in near tears told me that it's not fair how much more attention I get that she wishes guys would look at her the way they looked at me. I said I apologized, but it's not like I want the attention. My mom had been a model, my dad a football star. I am 5'8" and have blond hair, gray eyes, and F breasts, so yeah, I get lots of attention.

She said, Well, any guy you pick up, I'm going to tell them you were born a male, so hopefully when they beat you then you won't feel so pretty anymore. I was shocked. 😳 Um, you know that's not true. I wasn't born male. I am intersex, and the doctors tried to make me male, and it couldn't take.

How could you threaten me like that? She said it doesn't matter; I need to know my place; how I will always be a fake female and don't deserve any attention.

Moments like that shattered my confidence; they didn't build it. I wish I could go back and pull a Ranma and be like, Look, bitch, it's not my fault you look basic, and it's going to take a blind guy to want to prick you down since it's not just the appearance but your toxic attitude that makes you disgusting, and then walk away.

I wish I had more sass and self-confidence to own my body, to have taken pride in myself to not be self-hating or allow other people to be nasty towards me without any pushback, this is finally going to help me going forward get myself to be the best me that has ever existed.

Believe it!