Acronyms of the Mind

I'm not sure where to begin with this.  I guess I'll just give a brief summary and then get right to the request.  If anyone who reads this wants more details, then contact me privately.

Since June 9th, I have been conducting an experiment on myself.  I have chosen to not have an orgasm and I have done this without wearing a chastity cage.  When I started, it was just to see how long I could go.  But a few weeks into it, I decided that I was going to aim for 100 days. 

Aside from when in the shower, I have not touched myself with my hands since I started.  I have, however, been edging myself to the point of addiction.  To do this, I use (get ready for it) ...... a magic wand massager!   And with the exception of a little bit of (ahem) spooge that came out on the 25th day, I have been cum-free and orgasm-free.

In the past week or so, I have begun leaking a little.  But I have come up with a comical remedy for this, a "band-aid" for the problem, if you will.

As I type this message, it is the 80th day.  20 to go, putting the "explosion day" on September 17th! 

All that being said ... onto my request ...

Once I hit the 100th day, I'd like to be observed as I orgasm for the first time since June 9th.  It would be sort of like a watch party, I suppose?

The request is for information.  Does anyone know any sort of a webcam site that would allow me to do this?

I'm not interested in a paysite I need to buy membership to in order to do this.

There's bound to be a free website out there.

Does anyone know of such a website?

Thank you,

Nicky

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

xo

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

HER

The first thing I posted in this string was about how all these acronyms fit together seamlessly, all headed towards the same goal.

Well, here’s the goal.  It’s an acronym I created. But I’m not sure what each of the letters stand for.  I’ve come up with some possibilities.  Maybe you can help me decide.

Higher Evolution of Relationship

Hindsight Eliminated Rapidly

Happily Ever Rapture

Having Estrogen Rule

Heavy Estrogen Revolution

Heels Erase Rudeness

His Ego Removed

Heavenly Existence Realized?

I don’t know what words the letters represent.  But at the reached point when it is she who becomes the fantasy, the reality, the kink and the fetish.  Eliminating all of them and making it about her only.  That is when HER is achieved.

It’s so easy to say: “Here is what I’m into and here is what I like”.  But what level of submission does that show? Does it take her into account at all?

I would love if anything in this thread would become a part of a greater relationship.  And though it’s a joint venture, I don’t know as I get to make that decision.  Then again, maybe I do. 

But whatever it stands for, HER is a state of mind, which, with a constant progression forward, becomes the only mindset. And that is where my ponderances are now at.

What will it be like when I show credence and proof that the phrase “wrapped around her fingers” is factual?

What will it be like when the above acronyms no longer register any meaning in my mind?  When all that exists is HER.

Easily, the first step is to find this person.  This “her” who will become my HER.  I will know her when I see her.  She will be someone who already understands the meaning of HER and who is looking into people’s eyes, searching for that guy who has the twinkle that tells her he has the thought of HER in the works as well.

So why do you do it?  Why do you pursue it?

Is it because you love a list of acronyms or because you love a series of fantasies or because you love yourself … or because you love … her?

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

CC (Chastity Cage)

I’ve seen this one listed as CB (Chastity Belt) and CBC (Chastity Belt/Cage).  But you get the idea of what it is and what it is about, the surrendering of something most everybody wants … physical pleasure.

It is quite literally “locking it up” and handing the key to someone else.  I’ve tried the chastity thing on my own and I was able to make it 17 days before I unlocked myself.

Let me clear up a misconception:  When I was in college, a girl once asked me if it was true that a guy’s … reproductive organ … would begin to hurt if he didn’t ejaculate every once in a while - as if it was necessary for a guy to jerk off on a regular basis.

The answer to that is no, for more than one reason.  Firstly, if this was the case, it would be his balls that ached - not anything else.  And secondly, the only ache is one of desire to do so - not of a physical need.

When I locked myself up in experiment, I can tell you that it was about 6 or 7 days straight when the desire was aching.  After that, the mind found ways to occupy itself and I kept thinking of other things to distract the desire.  And I simply decided to unlock myself at 17 days because I wasn’t in chastity for someone, rather, just for experiment.

When someone else is indeed “holding all the keys”, it stands to reason that chastity would suddenly become a whole different ballgame.  I can’t say this for certain as I have never been locked up by anyone.  So I can only imagine what 17 days would do to my mind, a bit more mind fucking coming from the fact that I would not make decision when the lock would be opened.

But surrendering to someone in this way is a clear indication of a guy’s devotion.

And just think of all the things she could get him to do without a moment of hesitation, things that he might normally pause before doing.  But not when his chastity key was hanging from a necklace she was wearing.

I do wonder about maintenance when wearing a chastity cage, of taking a shower and of trimming.  In my 17-day experiment, I took the cage off to step into the shower.  So, if not allowed to remove it for cleanliness, it would see kind of impractical.  The point is still made, but at the cost of being clean.

Who knows?

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

OTK (Over The Knee)

There is only one woman in this entire world who has ever spanked me.  And I deserved it, every single time I got it when I was young until I started behaving the way she wanted me to.  She used a pot stick, if not just her hand - the same pot stick she stirred spaghetti sauce with!

Ironically, I love spaghetti and always have.  Haha

But my OTK viewpoint is the polar opposite of what you might expect.  I don’t actually have an affinity for the smack of a pot stick or of a hand.  And I’m not a fan of spanking… per se.

I don’t like pain at all.  Pain hurts.  There’s nothing pleasurable for me about it.  So, the swift crack of a hand on my backside isn’t something that arouses me or makes me long for and hope for another swift crack.

Yet OTK is a longing I have.  Explain that one to me!  It’s not just some random thing that sounds great in fantasy but falters in reality.  I think of the destination it would take me to every time … and the journey along the way to get there.  And despite how I feel about pain, it is a part of that journey.  Pain will always be there and I will feel it.

Luckily, there are other aspects to OTK that make the pain worth putting up with, worth feeling.  When I think of it, I mentally salivate about the use of it for maintenance control purposes - to keep me in line and to routinely remind me of the fundamental need to be a good listener.  I can see it as being a powerful source of behavior modification, when such a modification is required.  And in that sense, it is real punishment - fantasies need not apply.

In the mind’s eye, I can see her sitting on a chair on the other side of a room.  Her grace and poise are evident in the ever-present wiles of her appearance, disposition and posture.  But nothing is more polarizing than the summoning finger she uses to make me walk over to her, a red fingernail being my guide.  With lowered eyes and shrunken shoulders, I abide and I walk over to her - knowing well what is about to happen and knowing that she has me wrapped around that summoning finger.  I won’t defy her, ever.  I can’t.  I no longer know how to and I never wanted to defy her anyway.

“Take your pants down,” she says with a slightly lowered and steady tone.

My equilibrium is already out of whack as I unzip my pants and lower them to my ankles.  There I stand, as exposed and as vulnerable as can be.  My head is spinning and causing me to lock my knees to stay on my feet, but I won’t be on my feet much longer.  I look down at her nylon-covered thighs, knowing what she’s gonna do.

“Do you need to be spanked?” she asks with that same lowered steadiness in her voice, her words cutting through me as easily as a warm knife goes through butter.

“Yes,” I whisper, closing my eyes and having trouble believing I just answered that way.

But she has me trained already.  There is no other answer.

Directing me down over her lap, she clamps her thighs together - pinching my endowments between them.  This is the easiest way to keep me from trying to get away.  Even if I were able to wiggle free, I would be in considerable pain down there from the exodus.

She places her left hand on my lower back and raises her right hand.  I reach down and take hold of the two left side legs of the chair, a direction she gave me the very first time I experienced OTK from her.

Her first swing is quick.  Then her second and her third.  And the mental games begin, the journey I’m craving.  Smoothing out the pain, she rubs the surfaces of my cheeks.  She is in no particular hurry to get through this.  Then she lifts her right hand again, but holds it in the air as the game of Chinese water torture commences - that span of time that I wait for the next strike … a span of time for which I don’t know the length.  And I know not to look back over my shoulder to find out.

After what feels like an eternity, I get the 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th strikes, another bit of rubbing the surfaces to follow and more Chinese water torture.  I begin to lose track of the count and as the sting travels into the meat of my cheeks, I begin to squirm.  The pain is excruciating.

That’s when she shifts her seated position, forcing me to the left slightly and wrapping her right leg around the back of my thighs.  She will work on me slowly but steadily and she will break me.

Now comes the destination.  That moment when I give up.

I have only every cried when people die.  I don’t know what other kinds of tears are about.  But at that moment, I will learn and then I will know.

In the afterwards, I find myself embracing the very person who put me over her knees - a mutual bond that is suddenly stronger.  My sit spots will be sore for the rest of that night and all of tomorrow, at least.  And it will be those sit spots that will serve as the most effective non-verbal reminders of why I was OTK … because she is in charge.

Quite to the contrary of what might be expected, my will power is now actually stronger.  But it’s more focused and directed … my will is her will.

And at an unknown point in the future - near or far, she will remind me of this again … with another OTK.

With any hope, I will never do anything that warrants a spanking.  But if it happens, I will submit.  After all, that’s my nature.

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

HUM (-iliation)

I read somewhere that humiliation is often felt when your status is lowered in front of others.

I think there’s an interesting starting point to it.  Whereas shame and guilt are things you feel about yourself, humiliation is often derived from how someone else has made you feel.

It is widely viewed as a negative thing.  So … why is it so intoxicating for some?

The boring answer might be that humiliation is so intense that it makes your brain work harder to process the emotion, an arguable but medically documented statement.  Pain and pleasure come from the same part of the brain.  Maybe there’s something to the reason as to why they can be interchangeable.

The more interesting answer might be that humiliation is: suddenly receiving something you wanted and not knowing how to react to it.

But humiliation isn’t something that has a negative effect of me.  In fact, I tend to use the word “crave” when I speak of it.

I’ve never been humiliated face to face, but I’ve received a lot of emails where people typed humiliating things to me.  And they weren’t all negative comments.  When I read those messages (and when I go back and re-read them again), I get unique physical reactions from them.

First is the typical male reaction of arousal.  Then I get a slight tightness across my chest, as if I need more oxygen.  Then my scalp tingles, like little bits of electricity are dancing across my skin.  Then I get a mental picture of whatever is being typed to me … almost as if the person typing it was standing right in front of me.

But I can only imagine what it feels like when I hear a voice say it, in a face-to-face fashion.  Oh, what a stimulating fantasy.  And what an even more stimulating reality it would be.

Humiliation is still a personal ongoing research topic for me as I really can’t explain why I love it so much.  It would be nice to know why I love it, but then again, if I ever fully understand the reasonings behind my attraction to it … it just might lose its luster.

What I do know is … humiliation is the rainbow sprinkles on the top of my ice cream.

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

MF (Mind Fuck)

I’ve come across definitions for this one that were intriguing at the sound of them, most terming mind fucking as something like: Confusing the mind.  Manipulating it to the point when an adrenaline rush happens, with a feeling of “high” to follow.

I won’t knock such definitions as they do drive at a very real point.  However, I think the greater explanations will always be dealt out on an individual basis as mind fucking is perhaps the most individual of all interests.  And each mind is different.

Everything within my life, whether vanilla or otherwise, is always connected to a concept I call the comfort zone.  I’ve mentioned this before in a previous posting.  Most ironically, the things in life that intrigue me the most and peak my interests are the ones that tempt me to step outside of the comfort zone.  And for this reason, being mind fucked intrigues me tremendously - not just because I would be led outside of the comfort zone … but more so because I wouldn’t even know I was being led outside of it, until I was already there.

And when I do finally realize it, you bet there will be an adrenaline rush.  Given the circumstances, there might even be arousal - the kind that draws my attention even closer to you in a manner that you just might crave.

And mind fucking can be a most wonderful bit of fun … sometimes even a game.

Like … The “No, Mistress” game.  If the only correct answer is: “Yes, Mistress”, then telling your sub that the new correct answer is “No, Mistress” just might fuck their mind up right away.

But with the instruction to only every answer with: “No, Mistress”, think of all the questions you can now ask.

Some examples:

Should I stop spanking you?  “No, Mistress.”
Should I unlock your chastity cage?  “No, Mistress.”
Should I allow you to cum tonight? “No, Mistress.”
Should I allow you to eat dinner at the kitchen table, instead of on the kitchen floor? “No, Mistress.”
Should I allow you to wear clothing? “No, Mistress.”
Should I allow you to face towards the television while you massage my feet? “No, Mistress.”
Should I allow you to sleep in bed with me tonight, instead of in your cage by the window? “No, Mistress.”
Oh, the question possibilities are not only endless, but could be found for every single moment … if you so desired.

Giving tasks with unrealistic time limits seems like a good example.
"I want you ready to go, in the car and the inside of the car warmed up by the time I come out of the house.”

Then you forego the stereotype that it takes a woman forever to get ready - being ready in two minutes and walking out the house on a cold winter’s day … the car started and him inside it, but the heater still warming up.

With him blindfolded and his wrists cuffed behind his back, you say: “Open your mouth.”
He opens his mouth, but is wondering: “What is she going to put in my mouth?”

Chinese water torture is a kind of torture where water is slowly dripped on a person’s forehead, then putting longer and longer gaps of time between each forthcoming drip until they go nuts - waiting for the next drip to happen.

And while mind fucking doesn’t need to be so severe as to drive a person nuts, there is something to be said for not only controlling a person’s body and decision-making, but also, their future thoughts that haven’t even been generated yet.

Promising him a reward over the weekend for good behavior or obedience or thoughtfulness and then waiting until 3am on Monday morning to give him that reward … I guarantee you that every ticking second of Sunday evening will have him hoping and hoping and hoping.  And then when you both go to bed that Sunday night, falling asleep without any reward given, his brain will scramble.  But he will be too tired to get upset.

Then at 3am, you wake him up to give him the reward, but here’s the added fun about it all:  you never said what the reward was going to be.

Control his thoughts.  Fuck his mind.  And he will become … your creation.

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, Hum (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

CFNM (Clothed Female, Naked Male)

I’ve never been someone who has had any issues with my body.  I’m 5’10’ and skinny for my height.  But at the same time, I’ve never really taken much notice to my body, in that, I don’t spend a whole of time in front of the mirror.  I put my clothes on and get ready for the day.  That’s it.

And because of this, I am accustomed to being clothed.  That’s why CFNM appeals to me.  It takes me out of my comfort zone.  Most everything on my acronym list takes me out of my comfort zone.

And you know what?  I’m becoming comfortable with that.

I’m also quite comfortable with the polarizing image of being kept naked while the female remains clothed.  Don’t get me wrong.  A naked female is one of the most beautiful sights in all of creation.

But having her say: “Stand in front of me and take your clothes off.  I wanna watch.”  (Oh.  I shudder, just typing that.)  Or perhaps having her take my clothes off and then seeing her smirk when different things cause different reactions …….. well, there’s some beauty in that, too.

There is physical vulnerability.  And this makes me stay close to her, relying on her for security and comfort.

It gives her just a bit more power over me and makes submission feel even more instinctual.

There are plenty of other dream scenarios, of being naked all the time or being naked with many clothed females nearby.  A sense of inferiority warms me over or perhaps it’s really a sense of her supremacy.  But it’s the same thought, just viewed from her perspective first, as it should be.

I have crazier fantasies still, of being walked like a dog - naked but his collar, while she is dressed to the nines, holding the leash and looking down at me from over the top of her tipped sunglasses.

Her devilish smile is all it would ever take to unravel me to the point of feeling naked, even when I’m not.

CFNM is one of my favorite acronyms, for all the reasons that clothing would cover up.

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

IRL (In Real Life)

IRL is In Real Life.  But that doesn’t seem like a fetish or a kink, does it?  It’s certainly an acronym.  But does it belong on a such a list as what I am posting?

My answer is yes and yes.  Yes, IRL is not a kink or fetish that I know about.  But yes, it appears on this list for a reason.  I view it as a suffix, one that is already a part of all of them.  FLR-IRL, MF-IRL, CFNM-IRL, HUM-IRL. 

Living inside one’s head can often be a semi-fulfilling approach.  It doesn’t necessarily mean this is the wrong way to go about things.  People are people and what works for one doesn’t for another.  But, within anyone’s fantasies is the thought of real life.  When imagining a scenario with kinky desires being met, the scenario is set in real life.

That being said, whether people choose or want to act on it or not, fantasies are inherently about real life.  But approach seems to be the key component to most any progression forward.  And this is where people are people again, each to their own.

Perhaps the strongest fantasy I have is about fantasy itself and how it could not just play out in everyday life, but how it could become a balanced piece of everyday life.  I am a proponent in the belief that a lifetime of exploring really means nothing … unless you eventually find and embrace that which you enjoy the most.

It would be easy to write all of this out, putting up posting after posting after posting.  But what good does it serve, if it is only ever something you write but never experience?

A lot of what I read on people’s profiles is unrealistic, in my opinion - demands of money, tributes and wish list gifts, taking days off work to be able to accommodate a Domme’s whims, quitting jobs to move distances away and other random nonsense that, most ironically, takes reality and turns it back into fantasy.  That’s the polar opposite of what most people desire.  I’m no different in this regard.

Understandably, a lot of the profiles are Pro Dommes and FinDommes.  And I’m happy for them.  I’m simply not interested in them.  Years ago, I was in a relationship where I allowed my partner to wreak havoc on my bank account.  Most obnoxiously, when the money ran out, so did she.

So, the idea of giving away control of my money isn’t a fantasy at all.  It was my reality, not too incredibly long ago.

But the reality of being controlled is a powerful one in my mind and heart.  Being told how to dress or to get naked, being led, being disciplined, being brain-scrambled - as well as feeling a happiness and purpose and passion that only dreams could capture … until real life captures it all … that would be the end game of having lived inside one’s head, having written blogs ( wink ), having stayed the course while keeping my feet on the ground and having weathered the storm along the way.

Knowing what is wanted … and pursuing it with as much logic as reality requires.  Rightfully so.

Subtle ways of exchanging power could always happen as a relationship formed.  But the sincerest beauty of real life would be in the moments when vanilla became the flavor in front of us and nothing wavered about our collective resolve.  We are just as strong, even when just as a male and female.

The potency of anything worth looking for and finding and maintaining is pungent when it is permanent, made sustainable by a balance of life that fantasies could never show.  And when it is viewed through two sets of eyes - your eyes and the eyes of a partner who sees it all in a similar light … in real life.

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER

I decided I’m going to use my journal to explain why I found interest in each of the acronyms that have made me an acronymboy.

One at a time … and in no particular order.

FLR (Female-Led Relationship)

All my life, I have been under the semi-control and influence of certain females.  When I was young, it was family members.  As I got older, it was past partners.  But none of them ever actually led me, even though they easily could have and I would have followed.  Perhaps this was because they never really saw it as leading.  Or perhaps it was because I never simply brought the topic up.

So allow me to correct my past mistakes of silence right now …

Being honest, there is a level of eroticism in her picking up the power and wielding it with confidence.  There is a basic need that a guy who seeks FLR has.  But it’s not a cry for help.  There’s no void of self that I am missing.  There are simply factors that are sought, to make life all it can be … and with anticipation, perhaps more.

After all, guys are never without anticipation.

Handing over all control to her would logically make for a happier relationship, end arguments before they ever began and lead to a more balanced environment that she would create and keep.  Stronger heartbeats would be felt, especially if she has compassion and never loses her sense of feminine grace.

But I truly wish I had the words to explain what I see as the difference between being dominant and being domineering.  The latter of those two is the lesser of my interest.  I’ve been in those kinds of relationships.  And they’re not fulfilling at all, not for her or for me.

I don’t want a partner who is mean or power hungry.  She would have no reason to be power hungry, if she had all the power.  And if she was mean, well then, I don’t believe I would be inherently interested in her to begin with.

For as much as a control-hungry guy needs to be the King of His Castle, if she feels the right to be the Queen of Her Castle, then the relationship has no greater value or effect than any other kind.  So, the greatest advocate for FLR success is and always will be her.  She can embrace it and enhance its effectiveness … or she can ruin the whole thing.

But an agreement that is understood without need for constant display … oh, yes.  When it gets to the point where roles are naturally understood and naturally followed, that is when FLR is at its finest - capable of being whatever she wants it to be.

Now don’t get me wrong, here.  I’m not saying that I don’t want to be controlled, perhaps even forcefully controlled sometimes.  But I would be much more attuned to those displays being about general maintenance, not about her skills with an implement.

I would be fine standing in the kitchen while wearing nothing but an apron as I washed the dishes by hand in the sink.  And I would be doing this because she told me to, but also because I want to. (Imagine that!  A submissive who wants to be submissive, as opposed to wanting to be forced to be one).  At the same time, she would be in the living room, sitting on the sofa with her feet propped up while sipping a drink I made and brought to her.  And she would have a direct line of sight to me at all points in time during this.

That’s a scenario that would fuel a level of eroticism, especially if it began to feel like the norm.

I would be fine with folding the clean laundry to perfection, each item of clothing folded perfectly with no wrinkles or anything wrong.  And if she ever found an article of clothing folded improperly, my time over her knee would be well-deserved.

So the real quest is to find a female who actually wants to discuss the meaning of FLR, as opposed to wielding power she doesn’t actually have yet.

FLR, IRL, CFNM, MF, HUM (-iliation), OTK, CC (Chastity Cage), HER